Nathaniel
Posted by Richard Norway, Aug 18 2010, 02:51 AMJust to let you all know, Nathaniel's dear old dad finally (It took him a week.) signed a power of attorney for me. Nathaniel goes to the doctor on Friday for the first psychical that he's ever had.
A New Kid
Posted by Richard Norway, Aug 7 2010, 08:36 AM
Well gang, the summer doldrums are over, at least for me. I've got a kid in school that started on August 18th so my fall started early. Oh yeah, you don't know about him yet. Well, I'll get to that, but first let me tell you about my Spring and Summer, and why I've been away.
After 4 1/2 years of hard work, David and I have finally opened the first gay and lesbian community center in Las Cruces. No big deal you say? It is. It's the first gay and lesbian community center in Las Cruces and the only one in the state of New Mexico. I wish that you could feel the elation that I feel in being able to do something to bring the fractured and isolated GLBTQ community a hope of becoming a family...a community here in New Mexico. We incorporated in New Mexico 2 years ago and received our non-profit status from the IRS the same year. We had thought about what we wanted to do, to become, and realized that this wasn't about us...this was about the community. So, we applied for and received a grant from the Gamma Mu Foundation to do the first ever GLBTQ focused state wide needs assessment of what the community needed. We were not about to try to impose our thoughts on what was needed, but wanted to know what was REALLY needed hand carried our final report was send to every state representative and senator. Our Center programs are based on those findings of youth and seniors. We had a soft opening in March and had our official grand opening in June to coincide with the Pride picnic and march parade through downtown. We had events going from Friday through Sunday. On Friday there was a coalition building workshop where we had representatives from Equality New Mexico, PFLAG New Mexico, Interpride (the national Pride organization) and Centerlink (the national organization of gay and lesbian centers). That evening we had a family movie night. Saturday morning was our official ribbon cutting ceremony. OMG! We had sent out invitations to everybody, and guess what? They showed up. We had City officials there along with county commissioners, state representatives, representatives for our state senators, from both of our US senators, one from our US representative and someone reading a letter from our Lt. governor. This a first in New Mexico. That Saturday we had a booth at the Pride picnic in the park and offered a free shuttle service (which cost us dearly) between the park and the center, which was only a few blocks away, David manned the center while I manned the booth. Albersons market donated a marvelous cake for the open house at the center with a wonderful picture of the center on top in the frosting., Of course, we had to take home the leftovers. Saturday evening we had an invitation only reception at our home for the high rollers to get them to donate, but it wasn't attended so well. Santorini's Restaurant donated a wonderful array of Mediterranean food and Saint Clair Winery donated the wines. Sunday morning we hosted an interfaith symposium at the center where we had 7 representatives from the areas various churches come and discuss homosexuality and the church. 35 people showed up for that event, and we're continuing that dialog with the churches.
What I'm getting from the response to our opening is that they want us here. We're the first, and I hear things like, "It's about time," We're behind you." and "What can we do to help." I'd say that I'm in 7th heaven, but I think I just passed on to number 8.
So far we have 14 social and support groups meeting there. AA has a group meeting there, ALANON meets there along with a parenting of gay kids group, a men's group, a trans group and many others.
I could go on and on about the groups that are meeting there, but what's more important to me is the social services that we're providing. The state health department, through a two full day training session, has certified us as an HIV testing site. We received a grant from a private foundation to initiate an HIV prevention program and counseling services are available.
We've started a youth center to get the kids involved, but more than that, it's about them making the right choices in life, a social gathering spot, suicide prevention and life skills training.
You all don't know how excited this 65 year old is. My dreams are coming true.
So that's what's been taking my time away from you all.
Okay, now on to Nathaniel.
The two foster kids that were placed with us have moved on. One had to be admitted to a hospital because of homicidal tendencies and the other older boy moved on to independent (although transitional) housing apartments. The older boy, 18 y/o, had a friend in Albuquerque that had moved to Las Cruces. They met up again on MySpace and found out that they lived only a few blocks apart, so his friend (Nathaniel) started to spend some time at our house, One morning I saw that Nathaniel was still here. I questioned him and found out that he was afraid to go home. He was afraid of his father. David and I sat him down and explained his options (as he was now considered a runaway). We told him that his best option was to talk to his dad and work it out, which he eventually did. I asked him how it went and he said fine, but i didn't believe him.
About a month ago, he called me at 11:00 pm on a Friday night and was in tears. He asked me if he could come over and hearing how distraught he was, I said of course, without even asking what was wrong. I walked outside and eventually saw him walk up the driveway carrying two small bags. He approached me and threw his arms around me and sobbed. I held him and it took several minutes for him to get out his story. He had an argument with his dad (and Nathaniel being gay was an issue) and his dad told him to get out, to go live with his mother. He gave him no money (she lives 3 hours away) or transportation. So, Nathaniel is now living with us. I reported his dad to CYFD (Child Youth & Family Department), our child protective services state department, as I'm a licensed foster parent and a mandatory reporter.l As far as I'm concerned, this is a clear case of abandonment. We have a meeting set up for Tuesday with dear old dad, me, and adoption agency and CYFD this coming Tuesday. My God, if Nathaniel gets hurt, right now I have no authority to get him medical attention. CYFD wants dad to sign at least a power of attorney for me. As far as I'm concerned, this kid has suffered enough and needs a family, which he's never had, and the dad can go to jail. Nathaniel agree with me
Anyway, that's how I've got a kid living with us. I know there'll be a lot of questions from you all, so go ahead and ask. Are we at risk? Did we put ourselves in harms way? Yeah, we did. But this kid's future is more important.
Things Went Bad and Things Went Well.
Posted by Richard Norway, Feb 27 2010, 04:16 AM
Hello everyone. Not going to explain why I've not posted in a few months except to say that it's been a whurl wind around here.
David and I have now a second foster boy placement. Actually, he's been here since mid-November. He's 18 years old, male and gay. He's had drug and alcohol abuse in his past as well as violence and flight from authority. Sounds terrible, doesn't it? David and I were sceptical at first...until we interviewed him at his rehab cewnter to see if we wanted to take him.
He had been kicked out of his home when he was 14 years old and has been on his own ever seince...at least until he entered the juvinal justice system last Summer. He hasn't been in school for the past four years, but on his own, he went to the University of New Mexico in Albuquerque and got his GED. To me, that spoke highly of him.
Then there was the 'violance' accusation. I found out later that his father would not and still does not accept his homosexuality. They got into an arguement on night and his dad pulled a knife on him. Erek (That's the wau he spells his name.) defended himself and hit his dad. Well, it's now on his reco9rd that he's violent. To be honest with you, this kid copes better than I do with his anger, and that I've discovered over the last three months.
We have our ups and downs but nothing out of the ordinary when dealing with a teenager and a parent. He has the normal urges to be independent. But given that he hasn't had parental guidance for the past four year, I've been fighting tooth and nail (Don't slam me for using cliches, I will if I want too.)to get him to look at new ways of dealing with and looking at the world.
Dustin isn't with us anymore. They reduced his medication (Abilify) by one half in December and then took him off it completely in January. Dustin started halucinating and hearing voices. The troublesome part was that the voices told him that the voice was the Devil and that he wanted Dustin to murder his mother. We've talked to Dustin about his visions for a while and when this came out, we called his trerapist. An emmergency therapy session was called and afterwards it was recommended that a higher level of treatment was called for. That meant that that night Dustin was admitted to a local mental hospital. He's been there for a week and a half now.He's due to be released in the next day or so, but he won't be coming back here. He needs constant attention and they're recommending that he be placed in a home where there are no other siblings. With Erek here, it won't work for them.
I really feel sorry for this kid. There is a lot more to the story about his mother, father and grandmother that I won't go into, but just know that Dustin has his own problems but his past world just made it terrible. I'm going to go see him when he's placed again after the hospital.
On a brighter note...you remember my passion to open gay and lesbian community centers here in New Mexico, well...we now have the first ever GLBTQ center opening. We have a building here in Las Cruces that we moved into last week. The City is behind us in this and we're applying for a grant from them. It won't cover everything, but it will cover our first project which is a teen centerwith programs for them.
Our biggest fear is sustainability. We've planned to open all of the additional programs only when the funds are securred.I really want this to go. Damn, I've still got a lot of work to do.
So...you've now heard why I've been absent here.
Richard
The Week From Hell
Posted by Richard Norway, Oct 1 2009, 03:06 PM
I usually post my experiences with having a foster son here, but tonight I'd like to say what happened to me over the last few days. As most of you know, I was in Philadelphia for a conference for the past week. When I returned, I tried to boot up my computer. NOTHING happened. I took it to my friendly computer geek and he ran a diagnostic and I found out that my hard drive was toast and also that the chip set was bad, New computer, right?
New computer now, but all of my data was lost, like every drawing that I had produced for my engineering business over the past 6 years, plus accounting, plus my taxes, plus my writing, plus...plus...EVERYTHING!. Now that I'm retired, I hope that no one calls to get a copy of their drawings. If I don't write to anyone, it's because my contact list is gone and I have no idea how to contact you.
But I learned something. Back up...back up...back up. My new computer is up and running and the first thing I did was to sign up for a web based backup service. I recommend it to everyone.
Raising A Kid
Posted by Richard Norway, Sep 20 2009, 03:13 AM
As most of you know, David and I received out "Treatment Foster Care Parent" license from the State of New Mexico over a month ago. "Treatment" means that these kids have issues. Four weeks ago, an 11 year boy named Dustin was placed in our home. I wanted to record my experience as we raised Dustin in a journal somehow, so I created a blog on a different site, but I also wanted to keep my friends here at AD up to date with what I was going through. I was just going to link my blog from the other site to AD, but then I wouldn't be able to read your wonderful, encouraging or even caustic comments. I then decided to just create my own blog here at AD.
I have never blogged before, so when (not if) I blunder, please tell me.
I have made 4 entries so far and the below is a way of playing 'catch up.'
One Sick Day
Posted by Richard Norway, Aug 28 2009, 08:26 PM
Okay, you experts tell me how this friggin thing works. :rant I've never used one of these blogs before, so put up with me.
So, Dustin woke up and came into my home office (where I was drowning myself in caffeine) and complained of having a sore throat, coughing, diarrhea all night and feeling like poop. It was obvious to me that he didn't want to go to school today. I mean, I've done it. Haven't you all done it too?
I look at him suspiciously. God, he was almost pleading now, so I KNEW it was because he didn't want to go to school. Kids can be so conniving. I remember well. And being the tough, uncaring, mean foster dad that I am, I relented and said, "Yeah, you can stay home, but we're going to the doctor's this morning." I got an appointment for 11:45 this morning and off we went. On the way there, he said, "I really feel better now." Now I was convinced!!
The doctor looked him over, frowned while he listened to his stethoscope, and told me that he has a cold. He's congested and the draining is causing him to cough. Also he explained the diarrhea is from a change in diet. You see, we don't drink sodas anymore but lots of juices: orange, apple, pomegranate, etc. and so much juice gave him loose stools.
Damn. I was wrong and the kid was right. He was kinda sick. I'm glad that I'm also cautious and took him to the doctor.
On the way back home, he turns to me and says, "I told you so."
Two Days Sick
Posted by Richard Norway, Aug 31 2009, 10:52 PM
This blog may be developing into a soap opera.
Two things happened today:
1. I got a call from the school nurse. Okay, he's (Dustin) had a hand chopped off, I'm thinking. No, he's in there for pain in is rear end. Seems that the meds he's taking constipate him, so he's developed hemorrhoids. Geez, an 11 year old with hemorrhoids. Well, I pick him up at school and we head for Wallgreens drugstore (an apothecary or chemist for you Brits) to get some Prep H. When we got home I try to explain what's happening to him. It was, "Dad, I don't want to talk about it."
Damn, I had to explain what hemorrhoids were and what you had to do to treat them. I explained that you have to spread this stuff on your butt, not just 'on,' but inside! He freaked just like I would have at that age. But he chose to do it himself rather than have me help him...thank God. He hated it, but he did it. This is a great kid, not because he didn't want me to help him , but because he's independent enough to try things on his own.
2: Tonight was also an open house at his school to meet his teachers and classes. I felt so out of place because education has changed so much since I went to school. He's in 'special ed' because of his challenges, but...and this is a big but...they are keeping him up with his peers so he is with them, but with individual treatment.
Something happened tonight that sent tears to my eyes. It was in his math class. The teacher pointed everyone's eyes to a poster on the board that spoke of the values that she expected in the classroom. It was about respect to the other students, etc, But Dustin (damn I'm so proud, not for what I did, but because of who he is) raised his hand.
The teacher asked him what he wanted. He said, "May I read that?"
SHIT!! He got up and read that to all the parents and students there. Tears were in my eyes, but not just mine. I looked around and every parent was also crying. He got an applause from everyone.
I may not have this kid forever as the agency wants to repatriate him with his mother, but if she can't be a proper mother (the reason he was taken away), this kid is mine!!!
A New School
Posted by Richard Norway, Sep 8 2009, 09:23 PM
I can't believe how easy it is to manipulate a kid, or for them to manipulate their parents.
Last week as Dustin and I were driving to school, he tells me, "I'm not in the right place." I ask him, "What do you mean, 'not in the right place?" His answer was that he felt that he should be with God and not here.
Oh shit! This kid is thinking of killing himself, rambled through my brain. I asked him why he wants to be with God. And his answer was that no one wants him here.
As soon as I got home, I called his case worker and we set up a time for him to see his therapist that afternoon. It turns out that he has been bullied at school. The next day, I went to the school and reported the bullying, but didn't feel comfortable with the school counselors response. He was going to take action, he told me, but I still felt uncomfortable. I had the feeling that he was all words.
I discussed this with his case worker, and we agreed that he should change schools. I live in a district that is different than the one that he is currently attending, so we agreed that she would discuss this with his bio-mother, as she still has control. As you all know now, she's really not able to make rational decisions.
But she agreed, and today I yanked Dustin out of his present school and enrolled him in the middle school in my district. I went to the school this morning and met with his future counselor and future special ed teacher and we worked out a plan for Dustin. I was relieved and actually very satisfied with his new school. The counselor actually said to me that he knew of the inner city school that he was going to and that he would be better off getting out of that environment.
Dustin was elated that he would be going to a new school As soon as he was released from his old school, I took him to meet his new teacher and counselor. His counselor was busy with another parent (with a police officer in the room), so we left and talked with the head counselor to get him registered.
I am really happy for him. Dustin may now be in an environment that will be able to help him.
Of course when he got his final grades from his teachers (part of the sign out process), he got one B, one B+ and 4 A's. Not bad, huh?
Well, he remembered a promise that we had made with him about if his grades were all B and above, we would do something special. And the special treat was a movie out tonight. He's still mad at me because tonight's a school night and the movie let out too late. We agreed on the weekend we woud do this.
Football
Posted by Richard Norway, Sep 17 2009, 12:18 AM
I know most of you don't like football, but it was the best decision that we have made, to put Dustin on a team for his school. You wouldn't believe what we went through to find a uniform for him. Most of them wouldn't fit because of his stomach hanging over (yes he's quite over weight) , but we found one (after three buys) that worked. This is so great that he will get the exercise that he has never gotten.
But Dustin is not a wall flower. I guess I should tell you what happened on Monday. It was his first football practice, a week after the rest of the team had started. That was due to his transferring to this school last week. Anyway, the rest of the kids had a week of practicing in shorts ( this is New Mexico, okay, it's hot). So Dustin shows up in full uniform and wants to do what the rest of the kids are doing. I left the practice to get dinner ready, but when I returned one hour later, the coach came running over to me to speak to me. He told me that Dustin had almost collapsed during the warm ups and that he was incoherent. He said that he was diabetic, which no one told me about. Shit!
They called an ambulance and he was taken to Mountain View Medical Hospital. Well, I think I broke every traffic law getting there.
When I got there, emergency admitting said they had no record him. SHIT! The receptionist finally (after me going ballistic) called back to the admitting area and found him and that the computer had not yet been updated with his admission. They then let me through the secured doors.
I found Dustin on a gurney in front of the receptiomn counter. My first thought was to ask him how he felt, How frigging stupid. This was a kid that was probably scared out of his mind at where he was and didn't want reality...he wanted love, family. He saw me and told everyone around him that his dad was here. God, he looked so scared.
Reality...Dustin suffered heat exhaustion or even heat stroke. The diabetes thing...his grandmother told him that if he didn''t lose weight, he would get diabetes. Dustin had no concept of what diabetes was and assumed that he had it, In reality, he DIDN'T have diabetes.
Of course the coaches freaked and called the ambulance when he told them that. His blood sugar is normal as were the rest of the tests. He just wasn't ready for the exhaustion of football practice.
But this kid is a doer. He tries so hard and wants to learn. I wish I had his drive at his age.
So yeah, I'm a dad now, again. Do you know what a wonderful frigging feeling that is to have an impact on another human beings life?
on A New Kid