Kayden II
by Ryan Keith
Chapter 9 - Another Perfect Day: Zac Leaves Kayden
***Jett***
"Maya said no blood or broken bones!" Mai started shouting as she approached us. "What the fuck did you guys do, put Kayden in the hospital? Great way to spend Christmas Eve, guys…"
She was starting to draw more attention than needed, but it was late and the hospital was pretty empty. We had just called Zac's dad. Apparently, all of our parents were together. They were all coming.
Before we could say anything, Mai looked at Scott and freaked out. "What the hell is wrong with you?" Scott was pretty bruised from the fight at Kade's house, and his shirt was ripped. It looked like he had been thrown into a den of lions. "I knew it was a stupid idea to let you guys go to Kade's house by yourselves."
"It's Zac…" I whispered. I was dead tired and I didn't feel real good.
Maya and Lenne walked forward as Mai was starting to calm down.
"Why? What happened to Zac?" Maya asked.
"We found him outside his house in the snow. We think he might have fallen off his roof," Shin explained.
"Why was he on the roof?" Lenne asked.
If they had known Zac like Shin, Scott and I do, they would have known that Zac likes to stare at the stars, sometimes. I figured he fell either trying to get up or sit down. Either way, Zac's life was in danger.
"Is there anything we can do?" Maya asked.
"All we can do is wait until he wakes up," Scott told her.
"Well, then, while we wait, you guys can tell us what the hell has been going on. You guys said you'd be back, but you never came back," Mai complained.
I had called my sister right after Scott called the ambulance and Zac's dad, and told her what had happened. She sorta freaked out, so I kinda lied and said Zac was all right. I had called Maya after that and told her we were on our way to the hospital.
"Well, we were kind of in a mess," Scott said sarcastically.
"I can see that, so tell us what happened at Kayden's house."
"What about your parents? Shouldn't you tell them where you are?" I asked the girls.
"My mom dropped us here," Maya said. "She told me to call her when we want to go home. Mai and Lenne were going to stay at my house, anyways. But, until Zac wakes up, I have no intention of going home."
The two other girls pretty much said the same thing.
We all headed off to the cafeteria, which was open all night. We told the girls what had happened.
When we walked back up to see if Zac's condition was any better, I saw my mom. She was talking with Scott's parents and Shin's parents.
We walked up and they turned to us.
"Jett, what happened?" my mom asked, seeming really worried. I guess Scott, Shin and I were not in the best condition. Our little scuffle hadn't left much to the imagination. Anyone could have noticed we had been in a fight.
I relayed a 'revised' version of the story, which involved Scott ripping his shirt on the door to Zac's house as we were trying to take Zac in. I knew pretty well they didn't buy the story, but they didn't push it. They were more concerned about Zac's health.
Maya left up to call her mom and tell her she was all right. Mai and Lenne were talking to the parents, with Shin and Scott. I was hoping they were filling the gaps in my fabricated story. I hate lying to adults, but who was I to spill the beans about Kayden?
I found out Zac's dad was resting in a room that had an empty bed. I didn't want to know what he was like after finding out his only son was in the hospital yet again.
I didn't know Zac's condition, so I found the doctor who was looking at him and decided to ask. I introduced myself as Zac's brother. He seemed to buy into it, but I wasn't prepared to hear what he told me.
I slowly made my way to my friends. Our parents weren't there. I wondered if they were trying to find out Zac's condition, too. I felt like puking all the food I had ever eaten in my entire life.
"Where's…" I began.
"They went to get us some food," Shin said quietly.
From his tone, I could tell they knew.
"Is he going to be okay?" Lenne choked.
Maya was quietly crying on Scott's shoulder as he held her. Scott looked torn and really upset. I could tell he was holding up for Maya, though.
"My mom said it's too early to tell, but he's been unconscious for a while," Shin quietly said.
"The doctor told me that they can't really determine the condition he's in," I mentioned. I was ready to puke at that moment, but I managed to hold it all in. They all turned to me. "They checked him out many times, but they can't find anything wrong with him."
"It's been almost six hours since you guys found him, so he's been unconscious for at least that long… Isn't that dangerous?" Mai asked, obviously upset.
I shook my head. "I don't know. The doctor said there's nothing suspicious about his brain waves... It's like he's just sleeping."
No one said anything. We all stood around as people walked around us. Some of them stared at us, but I didn't care. My best friend was in a coma and he wasn't showing any signs of waking up.
"He's dreaming of Kayden," Shin whispered.
No one said anything. We knew that was probably true.
"Together in dreams?" Scott said, enraged. His head was downcast as he was comforting Maya. He raised his head and I noticed he was crying, too. Everyone was. I was. "That's bullshit! What's the damn point? Let's get Kayden. Zac probably wants to see him…we need to do something!"
I don't think any of us had a better plan. We silently agreed and took the elevator down. We knew our parents were going to be angry with us for jetting, but we couldn't let them know about Kayden. We hailed two taxis and directed them to Kade's house.
We didn't waste time at the doorbell. I rang it like it was a fire alarm.
We heard movement inside and then Kayden opened the door. He was shocked to see all of us, and it looked like he hadn't slept one wink.
"What the hell are you all doing here? Do you have any idea what time it is?" he said angrily.
It was close to 3:00 in the morning, so I wasn't about to yell at him.
"You need to come with us," I told him. "Zac's in the hospital…"
The words didn't register fast enough or something, because Kayden just stood there. A second later, he fell forward as if his legs had collapsed beneath him. Scott and I caught him as he fell, and I heard him mumbling something.
"It's my fault… It's all my fault!"
"Shut up, man! It's not your fault. Zac fell from his roof, Kade. He slipped and fell. It has nothing to do with those guys who came after you," Scott stated strongly.
"We need you to go see him, Kayden," Lenne said urgently.
"Why?" he said as he stared blankly at us. "It's my fault he got hurt… If I wasn't in his life he would never have gotten hurt."
"Will you stop acting like a fucking pussy!" Scott yelled as he grabbed Kayden roughly. "Get up! We're taking you to Zac, one way or another. If I gotta break your legs, man, I'll do it!"
"Zac isn't waking up, Kayden," Lenne said, stepping forward. She bent down and made him look at her. "I admit I'm the new girl here, but even I see it. I think Zac is dreaming of you, Kade. "
"I think I can understand him," I told Kayden. " If he woke up, he'd know that you're not by his side. He was so happy when you were together. I've never seen him so happy. He doesn't want to wake up to a reality without you by his side."
Maya stepped in, "He knows that if he wakes up you won't be there with him. We all know about your past. It doesn't bother us, Kade… We know you did it for Zac…and I know you were lonely before meeting Zac. In a way, he saved you. We're begging you, Kade…make it your turn to save him!"
No one said anything else. Kayden got up slowly. He nodded his head and headed into his house. He left the door open, so we knew he wasn't going to run off. He was back in a minute with his jacket.
***Kayden***
When they told me Zac was in the hospital, I almost lost it. I thought I had lost Zac. First it was my dad, then Sean, then Rick, and now Zac? Why did God hate me? Everyone I ever cared about was slowly being taken from me. Was God punishing me because of what I had done to Zac?
I got into the cab with Scott, Jett, and Maya. The cab driver looked at me funny and I just looked away.
"Can you get us back to the hospital, please?" Maya asked the cab driver.
The man hesitated for a second and then spoke up, "Missy, I don't know what's going on, but I don't want to be involved in any kidnapping or anything…"
If it was any other day I would have laughed, but Zac was on my mind.
"For fuck's sake, man," Scott threw his head back. "We're going to the fucking hospital. Why the hell would we kidnap someone to take him there?"
The cabbie seemed uneasy, but Maya intervened.
"Scott, grow up," she said to her boyfriend, before turning to the driver. "This really isn't a kidnapping. Our friend is seriously hurt. Can you please get us there?"
It seemed the driver understood, and we were on our way.
When we got to the floor Zac was on I saw a group of parents who could have been none other than Scott's and Shin's parents. One woman seemed to be Jett's mom. There was no sign of Zac's dad.
"Scotty!" the older man said, "where did you boys go? We've been looking all over the damn hospital for you."
"Sorry, Dad, we had to get Kayden," Scott apologized to his father.
It seemed as if they all knew who I was. Scott's and Shin's parents looked at me but didn't say anything. I could tell they were fixing to, but it was like they didn't want to say anything in front of their kids.
"Kayden?" the other lady called out, "Are you here to see Zac?"
I turned to the woman who really was none other than Jett's mom. They have the same look, in a weird kind of way.
"Yeah…" I whispered.
She smiled sadly and turned to Jett. "Son, I wish you would have told us. We could have picked him up and you wouldn't have worried us like that. I don't think they're letting anyone see Zac. "
I lost my breath.
I'm not allowed to see Zac? I'm so close, but so far away.
I turned to everyone and they seemed to have defeat on their faces, as I must have.
"Well, I'm sure we can do something," Scott's father said.
"You know we can't, Rodney," his wife told him. "Only family can see patients, and the doctor specifically said that Zac can't have any visitors, for now. He's still being monitored."
"You know what? That's bullshit!" Scott said, totally upset.
"Scott!" his mother chastened him.
"I have to agree with your son," the Japanese man said. It was obvious who he was related to. "For lack of a better word, it is bullshit."
Scott's dad was smiling, as if he knew something every one else didn't. It was like he was an adult version of Scott.
"Well, what's the worst that can happen if we break that little rule? It's not likely we'll get arrested," he grinned. "Besides, it's Christmas; it's not like they would care."
"Oh, no you don't!" his wife whispered in a harsh tone. "I will not be embarrassed here by you and your antics, Rodney."
"Honey…" Scott's father smiled sweetly, like he knew he could mellow her down. "It's for the kids. Come on…"
"It's not a bad idea to try something," Shin's dad said.
I turned to Maya and Jett, who seemed shocked at what was unfolding before them. Lenne was silently giggling to herself, and Mai and Shin had the most amused looks on their faces.
Shin's mother sighed and shook her head. "I will not be involved in this, Kensuke. If you're going to get into trouble, I'd rather not be seen around you. Come, Katie, Joanna, let's go see if the nurses know anything of Zac's progress."
The women went to approach a few nurses who were walking our way. Jett quickly pushed me ahead as the rest of them blocked the view towards the patients' rooms. There was a door in front of the nurses' station, and we had to get past that. Jett hurried me towards the door and told me to wait.
Mr. Kendal and Mr. Matsura were right behind us, while the rest of them stayed in the waiting area.
"Kensuke, I hope you'll forgive me for what I'm about to do," Scott's father whispered.
Shin's dad got a weird look on his face. "What are you…"
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Scott's dad suddenly yelled.
It was loud and I was totally blown away.
Shin's dad looked like he was going to shit himself, but then it looked like he suddenly understood the plan.
"I think you heard what I said," Shin's dad said loudly, but not as loud as Scott's dad had been.
Jett pushed me forward as we headed towards the water fountain near the nurses' station.
Two women and a man came from the desk and pushed past the door within seconds.
"Excuse me, but this is a hospital!" one of the women said.
At that moment I noticed the three moms chatting away at two other nurses who were trying to look to see where the shouting was coming from. It was like everything was choreographed; it was too perfect.
"Go! Go! Go!" Jett whispered as he pushed me ahead.
I quickly went past the door to the nurses' station and saw the rooms down the hall.
"Which room?" I asked.
No one responded. I turned around and saw Jett at the other side telling me to go.
I made motions with my hands trying to ask him, "What room?"
Jett threw up his hands as if to say, "No clue."
Great plan, guys!
I proceeded to peek through every room. I knew I was at the right room when I saw the nametag Z. Hunter on the door bulletin. I quickly opened the door, went in, and closed it behind me.
What I saw before me almost made me break down. Zac was lying on the bed showing no sign of consciousness. I slowly walked up to the bed and took the seat that was right beside it. I took Zac's hand into my own and tried to call out his name.
"Zac?"
There was no response.
What the hell am I supposed to do?
There was so much I wanted to say to Zac. There was so much I wanted to do. I wanted to go after those guys who had come after me. I wanted to make sure they would never fuck with me again. I wanted to protect Zac and his friends. I didn't know what I would do if I found those punks again. I couldn't really beat them up again or threaten them. The only safe route was to go to the police and get a restraining order or something on Neil, or somehow make sure he wouldn't get out of juvenile jail. Maybe have him tried as an adult. Anything that involved the law would no doubt make my real life public. In no time I'd be found out as a runaway living off a dead guy's money. They'd send me back to Vancouver after figuring out where I came from…and I'd be back in my own personal hell.
It's not much to sacrifice when I think about the lives I'd be saving.
I knew it was the right thing to do. I didn't know whether I was really scared of going back to my mother or if I was afraid of leaving Zac. I was so confused.
I realised that if I was sent back, it would be less than three years until I turned eighteen and could leave again. I'd lose the support I've been getting from Rick's estate, but I could come back to Zac. I could deal with my mom for that long. It didn't matter, anymore. There was nothing else to do. I couldn't keep running.
"Zac, can you hear me?" I whispered. I felt my throat clog up and cleared it. I realized I was crying.
"I'm really sorry about what I did. I thought you'd be safer without me in your life." I tried to smile, but it wouldn't come. I fought off the tears that felt like they were tearing out of my eyes.
I thought back to how I happened to be at the hospital. "You've got some great friends ...we've got some great friends..." There was no use denying it; Shin, Scott, Jett, Maya, Mai and Lenne all care about me to some extent. They had all gone to my house to get me. Seeing them had overwhelmed me.
I gripped Zac's hand with both of mine. His expression didn't change. "I've been really messed up for the past few weeks. I've realized a few things. I really am messed up without you. Knowing I might have caused this is tearing me up. But things will be different from now on..."
I swallowed and allowed myself to calm down again. "I'll protect you, no matter what. I might not be able to see you for a while. You might even think it's a bit selfish of me. I'm taking off for a bit. When I get back everything will be over, and I won't let my past haunt us anymore..."
I felt my tears fall from my face.
"I'm going to be gone for a few years, but I'm willing to sacrifice all I am for you. Can you wait for me? When I get back I won't leave you… That way I can be always by your side." I leaned forward and traced the soft face of the boy I truly love. I stroked his cheek, hoping he would give some indication of consciousness, but he didn't.
"Is that okay?" My words tumbled out of me. I was barely holding on. "Because... you are the most important person in my life. Nothing could replace you." I kissed Zac's soft lips. They were unmoving and didn't reciprocate.
Oh, God, help me…
I took Zac's hand into my own and placed it against my head. "Nothing is the same if I don't have you, so, I'm begging you, Zac...please wake up...please wake up."
I must have fallen asleep. Suddenly, someone was shaking me violently.
"Son, I need you to leave, right now," the man whispered quietly but urgently.
"Wha-?" I said, confused. I sat up and I felt something in my hand.
"Margaret, bring this young man to the waiting area," the doctor said to the woman beside him.
I didn't feel like arguing, so I got up. It was then I realized something. There was pressure on my hand.
"Zac…?"
Zac's body lay motionless, but there was no doubt about it; Zac was gripping my hand! I started to breathe heavily.
"Margaret, please, this is a very crucial moment. Please bring him to the waiting room," the man said.
"Zac… wait! Doctor, Zac is…" I called out.
"Come on, kid, let's go. The doctor needs to examine him," the nurse said, as she tried to pull me away.
Is this woman insane? Zac was holding my hand!
"Wait! Zac's waking up! I can't leave him!" I shouted at her.
"I know, I know," the nurse said gently. "He was awake just a minute ago, but right now the doctor needs to check his vitals. I need you out of this room right now, so he can do that. Please, just listen to me, okay?"
I didn't care what the woman said. Zac was waking up!
"Margaret!" the doctor said, again.
"Come, now," the nurse said, escorting me out of the room.
I was left alone in the waiting room. I couldn't find Jett or anybody. I checked the clock and it said it was almost 6:00 AM. I asked a nearby nurse if she knew where the group of kids who had been there had gone. She told me they had been sent home because they were disrupting the patients.
I did find Zac's dad.
"Kayden!" he called out to me.
I turned around and saw him sitting on one of the benches, holding what looked like a cup of coffee. Mr. Hunter looked horrible. His usually-clean-shaven face had a morning shadow and his eyes were baggy. I went over towards him and he smiled as I approached.
"Thanks for coming, Kayden. I'm sure Zac really appreciates it," he said to me, smiling sadly. "I sort of woke up just now, but the doctors won't let me see Zac. The doctor just went to Zac's room. Where did you come from?"
My voice was at first lost in my throat. I didn't want to jinx anything but I couldn't help myself. "I was in Zac's room. The doctor thinks Zac's coming about…"
Zac's dad stared at me as if I had told him that the moon was on fire. Suddenly, he shot up.
"He's awake?"
"I-I think so. I fell asleep by his bed. When I woke up he was gripping my hand. The doctor kicked me out, but the nurse told me Zac had been awake just before that. I…"
Mr. Hunter moved forward and grabbed me. I thought he was going to hurt me, and I wouldn't fight back if he tried, but instead I felt him shake. He was hugging me. I could tell he was really upset.
"Oh, my God, Zac's alright. Oh, Kade, thank you so much…" he whispered.
"I-I don't think I had anything to do with it."
He released me and stared me in the eyes. "That's where you are wrong, Kayden. When the doctor told me he might be in a coma I almost really lost it. Zac may have been in a coma or not…either way, I know he woke up because you were there beside him. Thank you."
I don't know why, but I felt ashamed to be receiving such words. It was partially my fault that Zac had almost died. Why is he thanking me?
"Mr. Hunter?" a voice said.
We turned to the doctor who had asked me to leave Zac's room.
"Yes?"
The doctor looked at me questioningly, then silently turned to Zac's dad.
Zac's dad turned to me and then to the doctor. "This is Zac's brother. He's family."
The doctor seemed to ease up. "I find it weird that you have three sons all around the same age, but I guess that doesn't concern me. I just checked up on Zac. It seems he has awakened. We found no evidence of a comatose state. Zac's a really lucky boy. To tell you the truth, I was a bit worried a few hours ago, but he's going to be just fine."
"Thank you so much, doctor. You don't know how much this means to me," Zac's dad said.
"Yes, well, Zac is sleeping now. He was awake a few minutes, before, when one of your other sons was with him. We might need to keep him overnight for observation. It's nothing serious, just a precaution. He had to get stitches and will have to wear a bandage on his head for at least a few days."
Zac's dad smiled for the first time. "Again, thank you so much, doctor."
"If things seem normal, Zac should be able to go home tomorrow."
The doctor and Zac's dad discussed a few more things. All of a sudden I felt like an outsider. I slowly backed away from Mr. Hunter's field of vision. When I knew he wouldn't see me walk away, I snuck off. There was no point in being there any longer. Suddenly, I was afraid of Zac seeing me again.
My hiding didn't last long. As soon as I got home my phone started ringing, and it continued to ring as I continued to ignore it. I tried to figure out how I was going to do the whole police thing.
Do I just walk up to any police station? If I do, what then? How can I keep Neil in jail for good?
Everything that came to mind had me shipped back to the west coast. There was no preventing it. Anything I did would include leaving Whitby.
It was hard to believe I was spending my Christmas morning alone, devising ways to leave without having to deal with Zac and his friends. Something told me that if I saw Zac again I might not be able to leave him.
Zac is going to be released from the hospital earliest tomorrow. I have until then to decide what to do…
By mid-afternoon I was still brooding over what to do. I really didn't want to leave. Jett and everyone said they will stick up for me, but why would they put themselves out for me? They fought for me…with me. Do they really consider me a friend?
The doorbell startled me pretty bad. I stood up, dreading to find out who had rung the bell. I stood in front of the door wondering whether or not to open it.
"Kayden!" Scott's voice called, "I know you're in there, man! Open up!"
"Don't worry, Zac isn't here." Shin's here, too.
I heard a desperate female voice. "Kayden! It's cold out here. Let us in, you idiot!" And Mai.
"Kade, if you don't let us in we're breaking your back door window. We're coming in, whether you want us to or not," Jett chuckled behind the door.
Before I could stop myself I answered back, "If you did I'd call the police…"
I couldn't help it; I started to smile.
"See!" Maya exclaimed, "I told you he's here. Come on, Kade; let us in. It's cold out…and I hear wolves…"
The sound of my own laughter surprised me. I hadn't heard that in a long time.
I opened the door and they all rushed in. All six of them, including Lenne. They did look cold. Lenne's cheeks were very rosy.
"For crying out loud," Lenne said, annoyed, as she walked in. "If you heard us out there, why didn't you let us in?"
"He thought Zac was with us, didn't you, boy?" Scott grinned.
Trying to avoid the subject, I spoke up. "Don't you guys have families? It's Christmas, for Christ's sake." They all smiled at me when I said that. "No pun intended…"
"I know it's Christmas," Maya smiled. "I had to beg my parents to come out here with these guys. I promised to visit our relatives with them tomorrow, so then they didn't mind."
"My mom had an on-call. One of her patients became really ill. She told me to go out with my fiends," Lenne said.
"I told my bro to tell my parents where I was going. They're probably pissed, but I'll sweeten up to them tonight. They can't stay mad at me," Mai said confidently.
Jett removed his coat. "And my mom knows where I am. She thought of the idea, anyways. After we found out Zac woke up she told me to haul ass and throw us all a little party.”
I looked at the bags they were carrying. "Is that what the bags are for?" I asked.
"Duh," Shin mocked. "Zac woke up because of you, you know."
"I didn't do anything. He would have woken up anyways," I told them.
They all seemed to deny that fact quite strongly. I was startled at their objection.
"Dude, we all know Zac woke up because of you," Scott said. "Frankly, I don't give a rat's ass what the doctor thinks. To me…us," he said, indicating everyone, "…you woke Zac up, and we are really grateful. He's very important to us."
"Plus, we stopped by the hospital before we came here," Lenne said. "Zac didn't want us to leave you alone on Christmas. After we told him what happened last night he thought you might do something crazy."
Damn, Zac… You really do know me…
"So, he knows?" I asked.
"That you were at the hospital?" Shin asked.
"Of course, he knows. Dude, you were the first person he saw when he woke up. But he saw you were sleeping, so he went back to sleep, too," Scott said, laughing.
"Yeah, and Zac's dad was pissed you took off without saying anything. We tried to call you a few times but you wouldn't pick up, man," Jett said. "Whatever you do, stay clear of Zac's old man for a few weeks. It'll do you good."
"Guys…Zac and me…aren't…" I started to say.
"You know what, Kade?" Mai cut in. "We don't care. That's Zac's and your business. I've had enough of gay relationship drama to last me a year. You boys figure your problems out. It doesn't change the fact I still want to spend Christmas with you."
They all laughed at that, and I couldn't help but chuckle.
"Well, let's party!" Scott declared. "Lenne and Mai brought the music, Jett brought the drinks, and Shin brought the food."
"What did you bring?" I asked.
He grinned and winked. "I brought the groove!"
Everyone got sick looks on their faces at Scott's egotistical statement.
Suddenly, my problems didn't seem so bad anymore.
At around eight we were still having fun. A movie was on, but most of us were more or less just talking and sitting around listening to music. Only Maya and Lenne seemed to be entranced by the movie, Shakespeare in Love. Jett had brought the alcohol, and I had a few drinks. For the first time, I felt good with a slight buzz, and I felt like I'd had enough after those few drinks. I always seem to want more when I drink by myself.
The doorbell grabbed everyone's attention. It was then that I noticed how loud our music actually was.
"Damn," I said, "that might be the neighbors."
"Tell `em to fuck off!" Shin shouted in his happy state. Everyone laughed, including me, but I was worried that whoever was at the door had actually heard him.
I tried to put on the smiley face I usually use with my neighbours. Ever since I moved here they have been nothing but kind. The ladies of the families seem to think I'm an only child and that my father is always working. That usually translates into always traveling. Sometimes they even bring over food when they have too much. I really didn't want them to think I was some sort of troublemaker, especially on Christmas Day. Thankfully, my closest neighbours were away visiting family.
As I opened the door I prayed to God that Shin's comment hadn't been heard.
"Mrs. Newman," I greeted her, "it's nice to see you! Come in, please," I said, as I opened the door to her.
The petite woman smiled at me. "Oh, thank you, Kayden," she said as she walked in. She was holding two bags in one hand.
"I'm really sorry about this. My friends surprised me with a party. I hope we're not being too loud," I apologized.
She shook her head. "Not at all, dear. I'm happy that at least you're not spending Christmas alone. It's a time of reflection and realization. Sometimes I worry about you. Your father is still overseas?"
"Yeah, he is," I told her. "Sorry for making you worry."
"Oh, it's my nature to worry about things. I miss raising children. All of mine have left home, so it gets lonely sometimes with just Daniel. We just came back from seeing our youngest. I brought some food because I thought you would be hungry."
She offered that bag, which I accepted graciously. "Thanks so much! This means a lot to me."
"Daniel and I also got you a little gift. I hope you like it," she said, smiling kindly.
"You guys really shouldn't have. I feel bad because I didn't get you guys anything," I told her sincerely.
"Now don't you worry," she said, striking the air in front of her as if to blow away my thought. "It's really nothing. It was for our other son, but he ended up not coming, so you get it now. I saw the light on and thought I should drop these things over before you guys really party."
"I'll tell my friends to keep the volume down. I'd hate to bother you."
"You will do no such thing," she said, putting her hands on her hips and giving me a look. "When I was young I caused my fair share of trouble. I expect the same from you; now don't hold back, Kayden. Just have fun with your friends."
She turned around to indicate she was leaving.
"Alright…but still, if we're too loud just throw a snowball or something at the window," I told her as I opened the door.
"Alright, dear, but I don't think it'll be a problem. Anyway…oh!" she said, stopping as she exited my house.
I could feel the blood drain from my face.
"Oh, hello, young man," Mrs. Newman said. "I'll just be out of your way. You boys have fun, okay?"
She walked past Zac as I just stared at the boy in front of me. Neither of us said anything as she walked away.
Finally, I spoke up, "The doctor said you wouldn't be released until tomorrow…"
Zac smiled a sad smile. "Nice too see you, too, Kade. Can I come in?"
I moved out of the way as he stepped in. The guys were all doing something in the entertainment room. I knew they wouldn't be able to hear or see us.
"Dad talked to the doctor for me. After a few hours they let me go," Zac explained.
"Oh…"
"You're not happy to see me?" he asked. He tilted his head and had an amused look on his face. For some reason I felt my heartbeat speed up.
I shook my head immediately. "No, it's not that!"
For a few moments we said nothing. The only sounds were Shin's laughter, Mai's music, and the movie playing in the background.
"Jett told me everything when they stopped by the hospital before they came over here. Why didn't you tell me?" Zac demanded.
I wasn't expecting that so soon, and I couldn't bring myself to look at him.
"Kayden…"
"I don't know…I really don't," I said honestly. I ran my hand through my hair. "I thought at first it was to protect you...but the more I dragged this on, the more hurt you got.... Maybe I was afraid of telling you because you might become scared of me. I don't know what to do anymore, Zac..."
When I looked up at Zac I saw him staring at me, his gaze unmoving.
"I'm tired of this..." I heard him whisper.
"I know…I'm sorry, man, but…"
"Just listen, please... Let me just say this," he begged.
I clammed up. He was staring hard at me and I could feel the intensity in his eyes.
"For weeks I've tried everything! Everything I could possibly do to get my mind off you. I tried keeping a journal…I tried pretending to have fun… I even tried studying. During all that time, all I could do was guess why we weren't together. I thought I would get over you. I've tried, but I can't."
There was something in Zac's voice. It wasn't anger or spite; just sadness.
"When I woke up, you were the first thing I saw. You were asleep, but I could tell that you'd been crying. Why did you come to the hospital, Kayden? Can you tell me that?"
My voice was lost in my throat. I wanted to say something but didn't know what. What can I possibly say to make him understand? I had no explanation.
He shook his head and released a sarcastic sigh. "Of course you can't…you're Kayden, the one with so many secrets. A life of lies…"
It's true… All of it… I'm no good for you, Zac.
"But…it doesn't have to be…" he whispered.
His words caught me by surprise. I looked up and saw his kind smile behind his sad smile.
"Why can't you trust me? If not as a boyfriend, then as a friend. I think I know why you broke up with me. You told the guys you want to protect me and them, but what about you? We want to protect you, too...I want to protect you. But you seem to think you're supposed to be by yourself… that you're supposed to be lonely."
What am I supposed to think? Nothing in my life has ever been easy. I've never been happy! Not until I met you, Zac. I've always been on the edge. There was no one to save me… But you… You can't possibly know what it's like…
"I don't know where you're coming from, Kayden. Man…I can't possibly know. You were lonely, weren't you? I never was. At least not until you walked away from me…" Zac was having trouble speaking. "I want you to know something. You've cared for me in a way no one else has. And I've shared feelings with you that I never knew I had."
Stop it… Please stop, Zac… If you don't…
I felt the tears as they traced along my face. I couldn't bring myself to look back up at Zac.
"You're so far away...and I c-can't… I won't...shit…" Zac stuttered, but then took a deep breath. "I don't even remember how this whole mess started. You know what? I don't care if we're dating anymore or anything...but please stop treating me like a stranger. I can't deal with that anymore."
Zac?
He was smiling. The boy I love. The boy I'd hurt was smiling…for me.
"I'm glad I got that out. I think I'll be okay now. I know you want to leave after this semester. Don't leave us. Just don't think you have to leave because of us. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I knew you left because of me." The tears from Zac's eyes seemed to contradict his feelings.
Is he forcing himself for my sake?
"I have my friends, and you know they're yours, too, if you'll let them…"
Zac stepped up to me. At first I thought he would hug me, but he stopped a foot from me. He nicked my chin with his thumb, catching the tears that hung from it, and said, "Smile more. It's not fair if I'm the only one trying. You mean everything to me and I can't have you. It would make things easier if you were smiling...easier for me, as well."
Before I knew it, Zac had taken my hand in his and had dropped a blue jewel into it. As I looked at it I felt something soft touch my cheek. Zac's lips touched my face. He stood back with fresh tears in his eyes.
"Good bye, Kayden... Merry Christmas."
Zac turned to go, and I had nothing in me to stop him. I wanted to stop him, but I didn't know that to say. He would never understand…
I stood and closed my eyes as I let the one boy I love walk away.
"Are you happy like this? Is this what you want?" the voice demanded.
No.
"Why can't you be honest with yourself?"
I don't know...I can't...
"What do you want for yourself? Kayden!" Sean's voice screamed in my head.
…Zac…
"ZAC!" I shouted out.
Zac froze as I shouted his name. He was a few feet down the driveway as I stepped outside to catch him. A vicious wind came to face me as I stepped outside. Slowly he turned around.
What do I say?
Zac just stared at me silently. Moments passed as nothing came from my mouth. Just as fast as Zac had turned to look at me, he turned to leave.
"All my life I've been searching for somewhere to belong. I found it with you...but if you stay with me your life might be in danger," I shouted out.
Zac spun around and stared hard at me. "Dammit, Kayden! I don't care... All I want is to be with you!" he shouted back. "You think my life is any safer with you out of it? What do you want me to do, Kayden?" he asked softly.
I-I...
"You have my trust, and you can trust me, but you have to let me in. If you can't trust me...who can you trust? I want you to trust me," Zac whispered.
I felt my whole body surge. I wanted so much to be held again by Zac, but I'd ruined everything. All I could do was stand and cry.
"Don't go…" I whispered.
The cold wind that had been blowing strongly suddenly died.
I said it…but was it enough?
It was then that I felt the warmth embrace me. Before I could comprehend what had happened, Zac had wrapped me in his arms. I felt my fears wash away. In Zac's arms I felt my last grip on my life let go. With my face buried in Zac's shoulder I felt a sense of security envelope me. I felt life returning to me.
"I won't ever leave you... God, Kayden, you don't understand how much you mean to me. Trust me..." the boy whispered to my ear.
"I have no one else..."
I felt Zac shake his head. "You'll always have me."
"I don't know what to do anymore," I told him. "Everything…seems so…"
"Shh," Zac comforted me. "It's okay…you're okay now."
I felt the relief wash over me. For the first time in my life it felt good to cry.
"Umm, does this mean you guys are back together?"
I felt myself chuckle.
Shin…
"Hey, guys," Zac said.
Slowly I lifted my head and felt the strength Zac offered enter me. I turned around and greeted Zac's friends…our friends. All of them were smiling. Jett had his arms crossed and was grinning. Lenne was quietly covering her mouth like she was about to cry. Maya had tears in her eyes as Scott held her hand tightly. Shin was smiling like an idiot, with his arms wrapped around Mai's waist.
"Thanks, guys…" I said, "for everything. You all saved me."
Jett rubbed his nose with his finger as if embarrassed. "We didn't do anything. Now get your butts inside. It's freezing out, and the party has just started."
Jett could play dumb all he wanted, but I had meant every word. They really had helped me out a bunch. I had to depend on them. I finally realized it was more than I could count.
*************
"Kayden? Are you sure your parents are okay with this?" Scott's mom asked me as we were fixing to leave.
I turned to her and offered her a genuine smile. "Yeah, it's okay. My parents don't mind. They just got back from a business trip and they haven't really had their own vacation, so they're going down to Niagara Falls for New Year's."
"Do your parents work together?" Scott's father asked me. "I tell my friends how much of a lifesaver it is to have my wife calling some shots in my company. It takes a load off."
"They don't work together, but they were both on business trips in the same area," I lied. Well, sort of lied.
"Where were they?" Scott's mom questioned.
"Mom! We want to leave today, you know," Scott said, irritated, as he held some bags. His mom insisted we take some food.
"Hush, Scott. We just want to know a bit more about Kayden. It's not fair you get to make friends we hardly know anything of. And, to think, you have a girlfriend and you didn't tell us," Scott's mom silenced him.
Scott looked uneasy and Maya giggled at his mother's comment.
"My mom is a businesswoman. She's part of a cosmetics company in Japan. My dad is an architect, and a contractor in Japan hired him," I told them.
Well, they did before he died, anyways…
I could tell they were impressed.
"You call us if Scott gets annoying, okay?" Mrs. Kendal smiled and added, "And, Scott, no drinking. If you somehow sneak anything by me and I find out, it's your ass in the air, mister."
"Honey, I think your cooking is overcooking," Scott's father said, smiling.
Scott's mom looked surprised and appeared to be sniffing the air. As soon as she did, she hustled to the kitchen.
"Now, I know you kids will be drinking. I was young once, too," Scott's father said to us. "But, be responsible, and don't go out. Watch out for each other and don't do anything to Maya, Scott, you hear?"
"Dad!" Scott said, totally pissed.
"Don't worry, sir, my brother is in Royal Military College," Maya said. "He had a talk with Scott a few days ago, after Christmas. Plus, he's taught me a few things over the years. I think I can handle Scott."
"That's it! I'm outta here! If you guys want to stay, be my guest," Scott said, heading for the door.
We knew he wasn't really upset. Scott seems like the guy who wants attention all the time, but not the kind he had just gotten. He was totally embarrassed and had no way to turn it around onto anyone.
