Phil's Story – Stars and Dreams

 

by Ryan Keith

 

 

            A breeze bearing the early summer heat gently lifted the smell of freshly cut grass across a small suburban street. The afternoon sun gave a sense of never-ending day to the children who populated the streets and parks in the large town of Whitby. Outside a modest home stood a boy in soccer gear, impatiently tapping a foot on the stone tiles as he stared at the open stained-glass door.

 

            "Phil," the youth called out, his arms crossed, "hurry! I don't want to be late!"

 

            "Make sure you thank Alice for inviting you," Phil's mom reminded him as she held the door open. "And make sure you brush your teeth before bed."

 

        Young Philip smiled at his mother before pulling her into a quick hug.

            "I will, Mom." The youth smiled, his crooked glasses hanging on his nose as he swung his bag over his shoulders.

 

            Phil bounded down the foyer stairs by twos, landing in his front yard where his father was talking with Mr. Squires.

 

            "Here's the little squirt now," Phil's father said, nodding proudly.

 

            Phil was too excited to notice his father; he went directly to his best friend, Zeke.

 

            "Took you long enough, Philly," Zeke taunted while still tapping his foot.

 

            "Sorry, Zekey." Phil's smile stretched from ear to ear as he continued to shuffle his feet into his shoes.

 

            Both boys smiled as they used those pet names, and then laughed like it had been years since they had last seen each other.

 

            The two fathers watched their sons carry on as if neither parent was there.

 

            "Looks like we'll be hitting the road, Mark. Give my regards to Nita," Zeke's father said.

 

            Zeke and Phil ran to the minivan. Phil's glasses bobbed in front of his face as the weight of his bag rocked him in a rhythmic motion.

 

            "Think you'll win today?"

 

            "You bet!" Zeke ruffled Phil's hair. "Thanks for coming. It means a lot."

 

            "You know I'd never miss something important like this," Phil replied.

 

            Mr. Squires tried to join in the conversation as he drove the boys to Zeke's tournament game. The two boys answered him politely, but he took the hint and decided not to invade their discussion of topics that were basically meaningless to him.

 

 

***

 

            Phil and Zeke became friends when their parents first met. Both were toddlers then, and had been born in the same month. It seemed like the two were joined at the hip even when they were only a year old. That fateful meeting in a baby playpen had started a beautiful friendship those thirteen years earlier. After playing together for hours, both toddlers had exploded into frenzied crying when one’s parents decided to leave.

            After that, the two grew up as if they were twins, although looking nothing alike. Zeke had sandy blond hair and emerald green eyes, while Phil had dark brown hair and brown eyes. When they started grade seven, Zeke was in the middle of his growth spurt, giving him a four-inch height advantage over Phil.

 

            The boys shared a passion for academics. While Phil was the more modest of the two when it came to his knowledge, Zeke took every opportunity to show the world how much he knew. People who knew Zeke well would call him manipulative. Phil, on the other hand, was known as a child with a golden heart. People wondered how two obviously different kids ever became best friends. Their friendship was untouchable; a bond forged on each child’s dependence upon the other.

 

 

***

 

            The two friends stared at each other in comfortable silence. The plan included their spending yet another weekend together. Zeke had an important soccer game that night, where the three guys would meet up with Zeke's mom and sister.

 

            "Good luck!" Phil said to Zeke, a few moments before the taller boy ran to meet up with his teammates.

 

            "Watch me, Philly." Zeke grinned, his eyes shining. "My first goal is going to be for you."

 

            A large hand clasped Phil's shoulder, causing the boy to look around. Zeke's father stood behind him, showing a lopsided grin. "What about me, son?"

 

            "I'll have the second goal for you, Dad," Zeke answered as he took off towards where his coach and teammates were warming up.

 

            "Let's go, Phil," Mr. Squires said. "You want a pop or something?"

 

            The two headed for the bleachers where the rest of the crowd was congregating.

 

***

            The pain in Zeke's chest was starting to bother him. In the past month he had developed a tight feeling in his chest, but today was much more painful than it had ever been. By mid-game he was taking short breaths, to ease the sharp pain in his throat. He knew he was growing. His father had noticed he was growing taller and warned him he would be experiencing growth all over his body. He had told him not to be surprised if he noticed his joints becoming a bit sore after his soccer games. His father explained that it was part of the process of growing.

 

            Zeke was convinced that the chest and throat pains were normal. He didn't tell anyone, least of all Phil. Phil was watching him. Always watching him. He loved Phil, more than just as a friend, but he couldn't tell him about the pains. He couldn't show his best friend that he was being brought down by a few growth spurts. Pushing himself, Zeke held his breath and took off for another dash.

 

 

***       

 

            "You looked great out there, hon," Zeke's mom congratulated her son. "You looked a bit tired near the end, but you pulled through. Are you drinking enough water?"

 

            "Yes, ma'am." Zeke grinned at Phil as he rolled his eyes. "Dad made me drink lots of water."

 

            "Well, have another bottle just in case," the worried mother nagged as she made the turn towards their house.

 

            Zeke's dad was driving the other car with Zeke's sister, Meg. Phil and Zeke could barely contain their excitement. The night was going to be full of scary movies, video games and junk food. There were never many sweets at Zeke's house, so Phil had packed his bag with as much chocolate, candy and chips as he could.

 

            The moment the boys entered the house, they bolted to Zeke's room.

 

            "Where is it? Come on, tell me this time," Phil said as he sifted through some of Zeke’s stuff, plainly annoyed.

 

            Another friend had reminded Phil about a game he’d borrowed weeks before. Phil was sure he had in turn lent it to Zeke, but Zeke had been denying it for a week.

 

            "Check the bottom drawer over there," Zeke said, motioning as he shucked off his soccer socks and shirt.

 

            Phil noticed, but tried not to be interested. Truth be told, he wished he could stare all day long at Zeke, but that was his secret. He quickly made his way to the drawer.

 

            "I asked you like a million times last week," Phil complained as he pulled open the drawer. "Why didn't you… OH MY GOD!"

 

            Phil grabbed a big envelope that had pamphlets sticking out. "OH MY GOD!" he shouted again.

 

            The boy again read the fronts of the pamphlets but couldn't believe his eyes.

 

            "Surprise! We're going!" Zeke announced.

 

            Phil looked up, noticing his friend had finished changing. He returned his gaze to the many papers that began falling out of the envelope. He noticed one that read "Welcome to Space Camp!"

 

            "But how…"

 

            "Hookups," Zeke said proudly, falling onto his bed. "I must have been looking pretty bad a few weeks ago, so coach pulled me out. I told him how there was a waiting list and we didn't make the deadline and that was hanging on my mind."

 

            Phil stared at Zeke with amazement, and Zeke paused to feel more excitement from his glowing-eyed friend.

 

            "And?"
 

            "And, I'm hungry! Let's go get some pizza." Zeke winked as he got up.

 

            "Zekey!" Phil whined through clenched teeth as he stood up.

 

            "All right, all right!" Zeke laughed. He loved surprising Phil. There was something about his sudden enthusiasm that always made Zeke feel funny inside. He loved Phil's smile and knew it would be the end of him if he ever saw it fade.

 

            "And, his brother is actually a scientist who owns a part of the camp or something," Zeke said, seeming uninterested. "And he said he could probably call in a favor to let two more kids in."

 

            Zeke peeked at his best friend and noticed the boy’s gaze was fixed on the envelope in his hands.

 

            "You know you can thank me…anytime now." Zeke tapped a foot and crossed his arms.

 

            "No way!" Phil said teasingly. "You kept me in the dark about all this. I can't believe you. The date says it was sent two weeks ago! You didn't tell me for two weeks?"

 

            "I had to plan it all out, you know. Oh, and that game is under my bed," Zeke said, walking out of his room.

 

            "You planned this!" Phil shouted after his friend.

 

            "What's that?" Zeke covered his ears. "I can't hear you. I'm too hungry to function right now. Leave a message after the beep. Beep!"

 

            Phil ran after his friend. A surprise game, some people might call it. The game really didn't have a name. It was just two best friends often doing things to surprise each other. It was something they shared. To everyone on the outside, it might seem silly, but to them it was more important than anything, even Space Camp.

 

 

*******

 

            Space camp was better than Zeke and Phil had dreamed it could be. To them, nothing could have been better than staying up all night with their best friend, looking at stars, and meeting new kids from all over Canada. The days were packed with swimming, sport activities, space movies, group competitions, and more. The food was amazing, the weather was spectacular, and the stars were infinite.  They saw things they had never seen back at home, where the sky was polluted by so much urban light. Both Zeke and Phil wouldn't have minded living up at Algonquin Provincial Park. They got to meet university students who were working on important projects, using the large radio observatory. They even got to help out with the research. That was a special night for both of them. They made a pact that someday they would be university students, doing those projects. Phil wanted to be an astronaut and Zeke wanted to be a pilot. It was almost too sad for them to say goodbye to the camp.

 

 

*******

 

            As grade eight started for the two teens, Zeke knew that his body was still growing, but for some reason he felt much more tired than before. He knew he had the energy in him, but it was like his body refused to let it out.

 

            It was October when the green leaves began to wither. The two who shared a special bond strolled the familiar path towards their homes.

 

            “And Dad said you can probably sleep over, too! He’s going to talk to your dad tonight. We can watch horror movies all night, eating chocolate and candy!” Phil said, excitedly.

 

            Zeke smiled at his friend’s enthusiasm. Phil loved chocolate, especially dark chocolate. It was another thing that made the two different from each other. While Phil was a complete chocolate eater, Zeke preferred chips and hard candy. Halloween had always been a great night for them when they were younger. They swapped what they didn’t want with each other. They always ended up with about the same amount each, but with completely different mixes.

 

            “Is there something wrong?” Phil asked, after Zeke had been silent for a while.

 

            “Nah, just wondering how you can eat all that chocolate and not get a single cavity.” Zeke smiled, just before a cough caught him off guard.

 

            “It’s because I brush,” Phil said, laughing.

 

            “I brush!” Zeke argued back.

 

            “Then how come I don’t have any cavities and you have a lot?”

 

            The cough seemed to stay with Zeke as he tried to respond to Phil’s comment. “It’s because…” *cough*cough* “…our dentist likes checking out my perfect teeth.” *cough*cough* “She thinks I’m more charming than you…” *cough*cough* “And that’s why…” *cough*

 

            “Are you okay?” 

 

            *cough*cough* “I’m peachy. Just choked on my spit. Race you to the mailbox!” Zeke took off before Phil could even get ready.

 

            Phil chased after Zeke, determined to give it his all.

 

            Phil always won against Zeke at anything active. He wasn’t much of an athlete, like Zeke was, but Zeke tried little enough that Phil could beat him. Phil knew that, yet it felt really special coming from Zeke.

 

            Phil passed Zeke, as usual. It was always the same: a race to the mailbox. It was the same, but Phil never got tired of it.

 

“Almost, Zeke.” Phil breathed hard as he was the first to reach Zeke’s front yard. “Maybe next- ZEKE!”

 

Phil ran back towards his friend. On the ground, Zeke lay clutching his chest, his breathing eke looking a bit under the weather today. He hoped that maybe he could use it to his advanterratic.

 

 

*****

 

“Okay, if you had to lose only one of the five senses, what would it be?” Phil asked Zeke.

 

They were up late, as usual, talking about a whole bunch of nothing.

 

“Easy,” Zeke said. “The ability to taste. Which means…” Phil could have sworn there was a sparkle in Zeke’s eyes. “I wouldn't taste my mom's crappy Brussels sprouts.”

The two laughed at Zeke’s silliness. The two boys didn’t outright say it, but hearing each other’s laughter was one of the most uplifting feelings they experienced.

“I guess so…” Phil said after their laughter died down.

 

“Seriously, think about it,” Zeke said. “Not being able to feel is a given. Not being able see would suck. And if you couldn’t hear anything…how would you watch TV without hearing?”

 

Phil started laughing at his friend. “I guess you're right.”

 

“I'm always right.”

 

Zeke stretched his body out on the bed, resting his head on Phil’s legs.

Releasing a sigh, Zeke closed his eyes.  “My worst fear would be losing my voice… I wouldn't be able to talk with you.”

Phil didn’t know why, but sadness struck him. “Let's not talk about this anymore…”

 

Sensing the dampened mood, Zeke tried to lift Phil’s spirits. “I guess the only good thing about that would be not getting called on in class.”

 

Phil decided to go along with it. “I think Mrs. Huxington likes you.”

 

Sitting up and turning to Phil, Zeke was glowing a shade of red. “Shut up! She calls on you, too!”

 

“Uh huh, not as much as she does you.” Phil smiled.

 

Putting his head back down on Phil’s legs, Zeke said, “Jeez, just because we know the answers doesn’t mean we should be picked on all the time. She's bullying us.”

      

      “Bullying you, you mean,” Phil corrected. He felt a pillow smack him in the face.

 

            Phil woke up. He was uncomfortable, but he didn’t expect to feel refreshed after trying to sleep on a hospital sofa. Looking up from the lap he was sleeping on, he saw his mother’s face. She too was sleeping. Looking up at a wall clock told him it was five o’clock in the morning.   

 

            “Honey? How are you feeling?” his mother asked.

 

            Turning to her, Phil realized his shifting had awakened her.

 

            “I’m okay. Is Zeke still..."

 

            “He’s resting now, baby,” his mother said, stroking his hair. “Staying here all night was all right, but you’re coming home tonight, okay?”

 

            “I’m staying here as long as Zeke does,” Phil said stubbornly.

 

            “Philip,” his mother said in a stern voice. Phil always cringed when his parents called him by his full name. “Zeke will be sad if he sees you tired. You need to be happy and energetic when you see him.”

 

            “What’s wrong with him?”

 

            Phil heard his mother exhale. “There’s something unhealthy on his throat. It’s giving him trouble…”

 

            “What sort of trouble?” Phil whispered.

 

            “…a growth…”

 

            “A tumor…”

 

            “What?”

 

            “That’s what it is, isn’t it? A tumor?”

 

            “How do you…“

 

            Phil looked at his mom. “Did you forget who your son is?”

 

            His mother smiled a sad smile. “I guess you’re really not a kid, anymore. But your school is a bit bold having you kids learn stuff like that.”

 

            “Zeke and I are doing a project in science. The teacher won’t let us do space, anymore. It’s treatable, right? They can remove it?”

 

            “That’s what the doctors are trying to find out, but it’s most likely treatable,” Phil’s mother told him.

 

            “When can I see him?”

 

            “As soon as they say you can, honey.”

 

            It would be days until Phil could see Zeke. He went home that day without saying goodbye to him. Phil knew that things would somehow be all right. He knew Zeke was a fighter who wouldn’t give up. He was the strong one of the two of them.

 

            The day Zeke was allowed to have visitors, Phil made sure he was the first one there.

 

            “Zekey!” Phil ran into the room.

 

            “Philly!” Zeke called back.

 

            Phil nearly jumped onto the bed of his friend. “How are you feeling?”

 

            “Can’t wait to get out of here.”

 

            “You have so much work to catch up on!”

 

            “How? I’ve only been sick for like three days,” Zeke challenged. “But, they say I probably won’t be back to school until next Monday”

 

            “Don’t worry, I’ll help you.”

 

            “Thanks, Philly.”

 

            “No problem, Zekey.”

 

            “What should our costumes be this year?” Zeke asked, grinning.

 

            “How about Alien and Predator?” Phil asked, his eyes glowing.

 

            “Idiot!” Zeke laughed. “Where are we going to get costumes like that? Something simpler!”

 

            “We can do the hobbit again,” Phil said as he sat down beside Zeke’s bed. “Or maybe characters from Lord of the Rings!”

 

            “No one would be able to tell. Not unless they’re as nerdy as we are,” Zeke joked.

 

            “Maybe they will make those books into a movie one day,” Phil said dreamily.

 

            “Yeah, right. It would be like seven hours long!” Zeke rolled his eyes. “’Frodo walked through the green forest…and he walked…and he walked…’” Zeke said in a narrator-like deep voice. “I mean, an hour into the movie and he’ll still be walking.”

 

            “Yeah, you’re right. But if they do it, we’re going to dress up at the movies.”

 

            “Deal!”

 

            “But for now, what should we do about Halloween?” Phil asked.

 

            “I dunno…”

 

            Zeke stared at Phil and Phil stared back. Sharing smiles, no words had to be exchanged between them. Phil knew his best friend was sick, but he also knew he didn’t have to convince him to fight. Zeke was a fighter.

 

 

***

 

            A month passed, with Zeke making weekly trips back to the hospital. Things were normal for the most part. There were subtle changes in the boys’ lives. Zeke’s mother picked Phil and Zeke up from school every day.

 

            Phil found it odd that his parents kept telling him to watch Zeke and to be strong for him. Zeke didn’t need for him to be strong, he thought to himself. He just needs me to be me.

Zeke was excused from gym and told to sit out. Phil thought that they were just being careful with Zeke.

            “I could play, though!” Zeke would argue.

 

            Phil agreed with Zeke, but the adults made the calls. They didn’t stop Zeke, Phil and their friends from playing outside at recess.

 

As the days wore on, it seemed to Phil that Zeke’s voice was getting lower. There was a point where Phil knew Zeke was straining his throat whenever he yelled, because he saw it on Zeke’s face.

      

      “It’s the cold weather!” Zeke insisted. “The air is thinner; you know that!”

 

      “Don’t push yourself so hard,” Phil responded. He wanted to be convinced that the weather was the reason Zeke was coughing more, but at times the coughs were severe.

 

            “You sound like Mom.” Zeke would always grin at him when he became protective.

 

            “Maybe we should go inside,” Phil suggested during one recess when Zeke had been coughing a lot.

            It was fairly cold, and Zeke wanted to go inside, but he didn’t want Phil to think he needed to because of his sickness. “I’m fine!” he insisted.

 

            “Are you really sick?” Jerry taunted Zeke from behind. “I think you’re just trying to get out of gym.”

 

            Phil and Zeke turned around and saw Jerry Maxwell, a kid they didn’t get along with. That was at least partly because Jerry and Zeke played on different teams in soccer and often got really competitive. It wasn’t lost on them that the team Zeke was on always beat Jerry’s. For years, Jerry had tried to talk down to Zeke, but Zeke never lost himself to Jerry’s taunts.

 

            “Why would I do that? It’s my favorite subject. Don’t worry, I’ll be back soon and I’ll wipe the floor with you. Not like I can’t do it now, but I told your parents I wouldn’t make you look bad anymore.”

 

            “I bet you even forgot how to kick a ball,” Jerry taunted, cocking his head at Zeke.

 

            “Maybe. We’ll see, come spring, right?” Zeke offered. “But if you want a preview, why don’t you step over here so I can show you my ball kicking skills.”

 

            Several classmates of Zeke and Phil stood around them and laughed at Jerry’s expense.

 

            “Whatever. Don’t you have sucking to do? We all know how skilled you are with that puffer of yours. Wonder where you got all your practice from?” Jerry sneered, turning to Phil.

 

            That caused a commotion among the students. Phil’s face flushed in embarrassment as people pointed at him and laughed. The result was more students pointing and laughing at Phil.

 

            Zeke looked at his friend and felt his heart drop. He couldn’t stand anyone talking bad about Phil.

 

            “Maybe you shouldn’t hang out with Poindexter so much. Maybe your sickness is just an allergic reaction to his gayness,” Jerry continued, causing the crowd to continue laughing.

 

            Zeke felt his blood boil. Not only at Jerry but everyone he considered classmates. They were nice to Phil and Zeke when it suited them, but in situations like this, they offered no support.

 

            Zeke stepped forward. “You…”

 

            “You bastard!” Phil shouted out.

 

            Zeke saw Phil leap at Jerry with both his arms out. With all his effort, Phil swung his fists at Jerry, once or twice landing blows to the boy's chest and face. The larger boy stumbled back, surprised at Phil’s sudden attack and at the fact Phil had actually hit him.

 

            Phil glared at his classmates who stood gaping at the usually quiet boy.

 

            “How dare you! All of you! You’re supposed to be our classmates. Zeke even considers some of you friends! He goes out of his way to help you with your work! You all know he’s sick… And this is the thanks he gets?” Tears welled up around Phil’s eyes. “That’s so heartless…”

 

            “Phil…”

 

            Jerry flew in suddenly, knocking Phil down with his palm.

 

            “You even fight like a gay guy!” Jerry hissed.

 

            “You fucker!” Zeke roared as he lunged at Jerry.

 

            Phil stood up and tried to stop them. “Stop! Someone stop them!”

 

            By then, everyone had forgotten Phil’s outburst and were focusing on the fight before their eyes. Within a minute, Zeke was on the ground, clutching his chest, his wheezing and coughing indicating his failure to breathe.

 

            Everything happened so fast. A teacher arrived and massaged Zeke’s chest as air slowly filled his lungs. An ambulance came and took Zeke away.

 

            Phil barely remembered the ride to the hospital. Is Zeke dying? He seemed fine this week…  Phil remained quiet during the entire trip. His mind was still in shock after watching his best friend suddenly collapse.

 

        Phil sat quietly in a waiting room with Meg, Zeke’s sister, while Zeke’s parents talked with a doctor.

 

       “It looks like his condition has stabilized. He’s just really exhausted at the moment. For now, he needs rest,” Zeke’s father soon told the two waiting teens.

 

            Phil looked to the floor, feeling like he was at fault. If only I hadn’t attacked Jerry, Zeke wouldn’t be in this condition.

 

            He turned to Zeke’s mother with every intent to apologize, but her expression made him speechless. When he finally made eye contact with her, she fell to her knees and bawled.

 

            “Philip, you need to talk to Zeke!” she cried. “He won’t listen to us! You need to tell him he has to do the operation!”

 

            “Alice, that’s enough,” Zeke’s father said, kneeling down and trying to help his wife up.

 

            “He will listen to you, Philip. Why won’t he do it? Why would he…“ She couldn’t finish. She fell into her husband’s arms and let out huge sobs.

 

            “Operation?” The word came slowly out of Phil’s mouth.

 

            Phil walked in solitude towards Zeke’s room. A high-pitched noise seemed to follow him as he walked through the white corridors and everything seemed to fade into darkness as his will directed his path.

 

            “Hey, Philly!” Zeke turned to the door as he saw his friend enter.

 

            Phil remained silent. Zeke had just waked up, but Phil couldn’t get past what Zeke’s parents had told him.

 

            Is that why my parents told me to be strong for Zeke? Malignant tumor called sarcoma, a rare condition in his throat?

 

            Zeke’s health was slowly deteriorating, and without an operation he would eventually die. The malignancy was already in its mid stages. Phil’s parents knew, yet they hadn’t told him. Phil didn’t actually know how many people had kept him in the dark about Zeke’s serious illness. He didn’t get angry easily; he got hurt. This time, he was both hurt and angry.

 

Phil wanted to answer Zeke’s call with his own signature greeting, but his lips wouldn’t stop quivering. It was difficult for him to look at Zeke. “They’re lying, right? Your tumor isn’t malignant… right?”

 

Phil’s heart tightened with unbearable pain as Zeke’s gaze fell to the floor.

 

“Phil…”

 

“Why! Why didn’t you tell me?” Phil whispered. “Why won’t you do it?”

 

Zeke’s eyes widened in horror at the realization that Phil had found out how bad things really were.

 

“It’s a small tumor, right? They’ve been treating it, right? Why do you need an operation? Why didn’t you tell me?”

 

Knowing that Phil knew, Zeke felt even more dismal. “They might have to take out my vocal cords… I’d lose my voice.”

 

Phil was quiet. When Zeke’s parents had told him, he had been shocked, and still was, but he considered the possible loss of speech much better than the alternative.

 

“You can die if you leave it at this…”

 

“I know, Philip. But I already made my decision. I won’t do it.”

 

“Do you want to die? How can you do this to me!” Phil said angrily.

 

“I can live my own life, all right? I make my own decisions! Me!” Zeke snapped.

 

Phil’s anger momentarily won out over his hurt. “Stop being selfish! Did you think about what’ll happen if you die? What will your parents do… What will I do?”

 

“I’ll die anyways if the operation fails. This is a one-time shot, Phil. I don’t want to take the chance…”

 

Phil couldn’t speak.

 

“I heard them tell my dad, I could live my whole life without the operation… I might just need to make more visits to the hospital.”

 

“But you wouldn't be able to do the things you like. What about soccer? School? It doesn’t make sense, Zeke… Why won’t you do it?”

 

At that point, Zeke wasn’t able to speak.

 

“Zeke…please tell me. I'm your best friend.” Compassion was slowly returning to Phil as he realized the pain his friend must be in.

 

“If you’re my best friend, then at least respect my decision,” Zeke said bitterly. “You don’t know what I’m going through.”

 

Those words struck Phil hard, and his mouth froze as they sank in. “You're being stupid,” Phil finally whispered.

 

“No I'm not! You are!” Zeke retorted angrily.

 

That was all Phil could take without crying. “I'm going home…”

 

“Oh, good. Run home to your mommy,” Zeke lashed out, the fury building in his throat. “It's not like it's your problem!”

 

Tears spontaneously burst out of Phil’s eyes as Zeke’s words struck him.

 

“I hate you, Zeke!” Turning away and not looking back, Phil left the room.

      

      It took a moment for Zeke to realize he had chased away the one person he’d always promised not to hurt.

 

 

***

 

            Phil’s spending an afternoon locked in his room was definitely a red flag to his mother. Bearing a plate of oatmeal cookies and a glass of chocolate milk, Nita knocked on her son’s bedroom door.

 

            “Phil,” she called in a sweet voice, “may I come in, dear?”

 

            “No.”

 

            “Really? I was hoping to share some of these cookies with you. And I really don’t know what to do with this chocolate milk if you don’t want it.”

 

            “I’m not hungry…”

 

            “Can I have some company, then? I can’t eat alone,” Nita pleaded.

 

            After a few moments of silence, Phil opened his door.

 

            His mother nearly dropped the plate of cookies. Her baby had been crying, and by the look of his sodden face, maybe for hours. She walked into her son’s room and placed the plate of cookies and the glass of chocolate milk on his desk, before sitting in his chair.

 

            Phil returned to his spot on the bed, where he had been going through some photographs. Nita recognized them to be photos of Zeke and Phil from the previous summer.

 

            “Did you have an argument with Zeke?” Nita carefully asked.

 

            “He’s being stupid,” Phil said, frowning.

 

            “That’s not very nice, son. He’s your best friend.”

 

            “Why does Zeke want to die?” His own question triggered the waterworks from Phil’s eyes.

 

            It was a question that Nita had expected Phil to ask at some point. She didn’t have an answer for him, but she sat beside him and allowed him to find comfort in her arms.

 

            After a torrent of tears, and more questions, Phil appeared to quieten down.

 

            “Honey, there’s a reason why Zeke doesn’t want to do this. I don’t know it, and his parents don’t know it. Of all people, you should know. There is no one closer to Zeke than you. You can understand him more than his own parents. Perhaps if you discover the reason, you can help him through his insecurities. He’s depending on you, maybe without realizing it.”

 

            “No, he’s not… He said if I was his best friend I would respect his decision. He used to tell me everything. But he lied to me! He said everything was all right!” Phil sobbed, and then continued, “He didn’t trust me!”

 

            “It’s not that, Phil. He’s afraid. There’s more to it than he’s letting on. Don’t give up on him, sweetie. He needs you.”

           

Phil turned to his window, tears tracing his face. “I’m sorry, but could I please be alone for a bit?”

 

            The request was simple, respectful, and understandable, but Nita felt like she couldn’t do enough as Phil’s mother at that moment. She felt inadequate, but she had done all she could without hurting her son even more.

 

            Leaning over to kiss the top of Phil’s head, Nita whispered, “Believe in him. Keep him in your heart, because I’m sure you’re in his.”

 

            Alone in his room, Phil stared at the setting sun that seemed to set the sky aflame.

 

 

*****

 

            “Are you ready?” Nita asked her son as he walked down the stairs.

 

            “Are you going out?” Phil asked, as he noticed his mother was wearing a coat.

 

            “I’m taking you to school,” she told him.

 

            “Oh.”

 

            Zeke had been released from the hospital the previous night, and Phil was worrying how to talk to him. He didn’t know what to talk about, anymore, when he was with Zeke. There never had been such tension between them.

 

            Phil was quiet as he stared out the car window.

 

            “Phil,” his mother whispered.

 

            “Hmm?”

 

            “Zeke won’t be going to school. The doctors thought it might be best for him to be home schooled for a bit.”

 

            Phil continued to stare out the window. “I see…”

 

            Nita had not expected that near lack of response from Phil. She was ready for any questions the young boy had, but they never came. Wondering if it was the right decision, she did her best to respect the choice Zeke’s parents had made.

 

 

***

 

            School seemed empty to Phil. Every day seemed to drag on longer than the last. Nothing interested him anymore. Math, history, and even science all invoked the same response from Phil. He did the work, but it wasn’t fun. There was something missing. Every day, Phil turned to Zeke’s empty seat, hoping maybe he would show up. Zeke, with his hands in his pockets as he grinned at the world as if he knew something they didn’t.

 

           At home, Phil read books while sitting by the phone and hoping it would ring. As the days wore on, Phil felt himself pull even farther away from the people around him. He couldn’t stay in a room with his parents for more than a few minutes. He always felt a pressure building, as if they wanted to say something but couldn’t. His room no longer gave him comfort, but there was nowhere else he could go.

 

            Phil stared at the pictures of his adventures with Zeke during Space Camp. Those days seemed so far away. Back then, there were no worries of sickness. How to pack the most possible fun into each day was the only dilemma he and Zeke faced. Everything had become so different. He wanted to see Zeke, to talk to him, but Zeke didn’t want to see him. He felt that Zeke hated him. He also believed that the doctors hadn’t recommend that Zeke be home schooled; Zeke had wanted it.

 

            When a phone call finally came, it wasn’t what Phil had expected.

 

            “Why won’t you talk to him?” Meg asked.

 

            “He doesn’t want to talk to me,” Phil answered.

 

            “Yes, he does. He just won’t say it.”

 

            “Then he can call me when he feels like it. It’s his decision, right?” Phil said coldly before hanging up.

 

            The phone call seemed to throw Phil into a deeper darkness. He wondered why he was being so stubborn and not calling Zeke. For days, Phil occasionally stared at the phone, wondering if he should make the call. He didn’t have to wait that long.

 

            “Phil! Zeke collapsed again. We're taking him to the hospital,” Meg shouted as she ran with her parents’ cell phone in her hand.

 

            It was like Phil had expected such a call. He had seen it happen countless times in his head, but when it actually happened, he didn’t know what to do.

 

            As he stared at the phone in his hand, Phil’s mind fought over what to do. Should I go to the hospital? Would Zeke want to see me? Did he ask Meg to call me?

 

            It seemed that something was telling him to go to the hospital, yet something else kept him stationary. He was afraid. He was afraid to see Zeke, afraid of what he would say to Zeke, afraid that he might damage their friendship even more.

 

            “Philip…”

 

            Phil looked up at his mother, who held her gaze on him as she gave a firm nod.

 

            As if that nod made his decision, Phil hung up the phone and raced for his shoes.

 

***

            Phil’s eyes were blank as he stared at the pale figure of his best friend. Zeke’s eyes opened slowly. Life returned to the young man’s eyes as he blinked. Phil sat in his chair and watched his friend come to terms with where he was and what had happened.

 

            With effort, Zeke pushed himself up and tried to hold his position, but his arms failed him. He released his breath as he stared up at the ceiling. Tilting his head to the side, he tried to give Phil a smile.

 

            “Hey…”

 

            Phil remained quiet as he watched his friend attempt to lift himself again.

 

            Giving up, Zeke again turned his head to face his friend. “I guess I collapsed again, huh?”

 

            Only silence answered him as Phil refused to speak.

 

            “Silent treatment?” Zeke asked, attempting to joke.

 

            The shorter of the boys continued to stare blankly at his friend.

 

            “Come on, Phil, you can’t ignore me forever!” Zeke said, obviously becoming annoyed.

 

            Phil reached out for a pad of paper on the desk and began to write something on it. That seemed to irritate Zeke even more, and he tried to snatch the pad away from Phil, but he couldn’t reach that far.

 

            “Why are you being such an asshole?” Zeke shouted.

 

            The glare Phil gave Zeke silenced the bedridden boy. Zeke had only been on the receiving end of Phil’s glare in extreme situations, and he never enjoyed it.

 

            Phil stood up and headed towards the door.

 

            “Phil! Phil, don’t leave!” Zeke called out desperately. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry! I’m the asshole!”

 

            Sympathy filled Phil’s eyes as he turned towards Zeke, who had used all his strength to finally pull himself up, his arms trembling as he tried to maintain his posture. Phil couldn’t understand why someone as strong as Zeke would give up so easily on himself.

 

            “I can’t take it if I can’t talk with you…” Zeke cried. “Talk to me… please! I need to hear your voice. I need to talk with you.”

 

            Zeke continued to cry as Phil approached his bed. The piece of paper that slid to Zeke’s lap was written beautifully in Phil’s handwriting.

 

Not until you do the operation.

 

            The boy’s lips quivered as he turned away from Phil. “I can’t!”

 

            “Why!” Phil sagged to the seat. “The Zeke I know is a fighter. If there was a one percent chance, he’d take it. Why are you ending things prematurely?”

 

            Phil’s heart sank as he watched Zeke’s body tremble.

 

            Zeke looked up at Phil, but then turned away. He felt more comfortable not looking directly at his friend's eyes.

 

            “There is that chance…” Zeke began. “There's a good chance I might lose my voice… The operation might not even be successful. But if I lose my voice, how will I talk with you? I'd rather still talk with you while I can. Talking with you gives me strength…”

 

            At first, words wouldn’t form in Phil’s mouth. He sat stunned, and then, “So what? What about soccer?”

 

            “I don't care about soccer! How will I talk with you? We won't be able to stay up late at night talking about… things. I won't be able to tell you where you went wrong in our assignments. How can we be friends when we can't even talk? Could we even be friends?”    

 

            “If you don't do the operation, sure we can talk, but what will we talk about?” Phil’s voice wavered. “You won't be able to go to Space Camp anymore. We can't go swimming together. W-we can't even go to school together. You'll be stuck here…in this bed. Can we be friends like that?”

 

            Phil’s words seemed to crush Zeke even more, and the boy sobbed. “This isn’t fair! Why me?”

 

            The emotions Zeke had been trying to hold back completely broke through when Phil took him into his arms.

 

            “Oh, Zekey, if I could trade places with you I would!”

 

            “No! Don’t say that!”

 

            “I mean it! But even if it was me… Even if it was one percent, I'd do the operation. Who cares if I wouldn't be able to talk? It's not because we talk that we're best friends.” Phil lowered his voice to a soothing whisper. “We're best friends because we care about each other! There's so many things we still have to do. And I’d want to do them with my best friend… I'd hate to just be hearing about them from you.”

 

            “You would do it even if it meant you couldn’t talk?” Zeke asked as he stared out the window.

 

            “Yup!”

 

            Phil continued to comfort Zeke in his arms as they both calmed down from their emotional high.

 

            “Two out of nine… Those are the odds that I won't lose my voice if something goes wrong.”

 

            “It’s only two out of nine? If it doesn’t get bad, if the operation goes without flaw, then seven out of nine will become one hundred percent!”

 

            It took Zeke a moment to figure the inductive logic Phil had used, and it made sense. “You're right. It would suck to just hear what you did at Space Camp. Let's go again next summer…together.”

 

            “I'm always right…” Phil laughed as tears fell from his eyes.

 

            With a grin, Zeke pulled away from Phil’s arms. “Anyways, girls dig guys who know sign language.”

 

            “You can have all the girls,” Phil offered, smiling.

 

            “And you can have all the boys…” Zeke smiled back.

 

            Phil’s movement came to a halt as Zeke held his stare.

 

            “Phil… I know.”

 

            As if it was Phil’s turn to need support, Zeke pulled his best friend into a hug. The love was communicated flawlessly. No words had to be exchanged.

 

 

*****

 

            “Put it away!” Zeke ordered. “You’re going to drop it and break it if you keep twirling it in your fingers!”

 

            Phil continued to stare into the vast green of the simple glass gem. The pearly white swirl seemed to glow as the light bounced off its surface.

 

            “Can I really see my future?” Phil asked.

 

            “It’s a freakin’ myth, man!” Zeke threw his hand up. “It’s what sells, and you bought into it!”

 

            “Well, you’re the one who gave it to me!” Phil shot back. “Aren’t I supposed to believe in it?”

 

            “Believe it or don’t believe it. Just don’t depend on it. Your future-”

 

            “Is what you make of it…right?”

 

            Zeke’s mouth formed a grin. “Yeah… I should take my own advice once in a while, shouldn’t I?”

 

            “Have they said when they’re doing the operation?” Phil looked back at the crystal. He tried not to sound too eager, but he wanted to know what was going on.

 

            “They’re doing some preliminary treatments and stuff right now. It’s supposed to increase the success rate, or something,” Zeke said, lying back down. “I wish I could just get it over with.”

 

            “Well, at least you can spend Christmas at home, right?” Phil asked excitingly.

 

            “Exactly. I miss this room,” Zeke said, looking around Phil’s room.

 

            “When was the last time we had a sleepover here at my house?”

 

            “I don