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The mysterious green-eyed teen stood before him shrouded almost entirely in shadows, looking back at him with a steely-eyed gaze, as if demanding answers to unspoken questions, yet no words came forth. He knew he should recognize the peculiar teen from what little he could see, but he didn’t. He felt a slow terror creep up his spine; suddenly, the strange teen lunged forward, reaching out and put a cloth over Alex’s nose. He had trouble breathing; he wanted to scream, but he was unable to. He felt as if he was being smothered. He began to struggle, and then he felt something sharp, knife-like, draw across his throat, and at that moment, he knew he was going to die.

He awakened with a start, realizing once again that Kitty had fallen asleep on his face. His struggles had irritated her, and she had dug her claws into his neck. He should be irritated, he thought; but instead, he stroked the cat gently, and she purred contentedly. He supposed she must have been under the bed when he shut himself in his room last night.

The sun was streaming through the cracks in the vertical blinds. Though the room was dark, it wasn’t too dark – a delicate balance of light and dark, something that suited him well. He thought about getting up, and then he thought about going back to sleep. It was a tough decision for any teenager to make. At nearly eighteen, and having just graduated from high school, Alex felt that he should be more responsible. But, he wasn’t, and secretly he knew why.

He looked at the clock and saw that it was still early as far as he was concerned, barely past nine, so he decided he’d stay in bed for just a little while longer before getting up and moving his morning along. He knew if he lay about too long, he’d start having disturbing thoughts about his recent past, or worse, run the risk of a rude awakening by his mother.

He stuck his hands under the covers and scratched himself, noticing his nakedness under the sheets. That was new; he never used to sleep naked. A few months ago it was especially warm and the air conditioner wasn’t working, so he decided he’d try it, and found that he liked it. He had fewer of his bad dreams, or at least it seemed that was the case, so he had never gone back to wearing pyjamas.

He kept scratching and rubbing, absentmindedly, until the rest of his body began to react. He smiled, and closed his eyes. He began letting pleasant thoughts drift into his head when suddenly a loud noise interrupted him.

“Wake up, sleepyhead!”

“Delos? What the fuck are you doing here? How’d you get in?”

“Gee, Alex, thanks for the warm welcome.” Her smile betrayed the sarcasm in her voice. “Your mom let me in the house. And since the door to your room wasn’t locked, I thought I’d surprise you.” The cat made a dash for the open door, escaping while Delos talked.

Suddenly Alex blushed, wondering what Delos had seen, but she wasn’t acting unusual, so he just said, “I guess you want me to get ready?” Alex had unobtrusively rolled onto his side, until the evidence of his excitement had a chance to subside.

“Yes, you promised we could go to Golden Gate Park today.”

“I did? Oh, right, I did. I thought it was in the afternoon though. I’m sorry.”

“You’re forgetting a lot of things lately, Alex. Your mind’s been elsewhere. Are you sure everything’s all right?”

“Yeah. Let me get dressed,” and he started to get out of bed before remembering he was naked, which caused him to blush again.

“Well, come on. Get a move on.”

“Um, I can’t. Can you step outside for a moment and shut the door behind you?”

“Why? It’s not like you sleep naked or anything,” she said, a mischievous grin on her face. Without warning, she pulled his covers off. He wasn’t expecting that, and instantly, a visibly excited Alex was uncovered, lying naked in his bed with Delos looking on. “Oh my God! I’m so sorry,” she said as she turned away leaving Alex to cover himself belatedly with his hands. Alex got out of bed and grabbed the first thing he found to wear, his excitement rapidly fading due to his embarrassment at being seen.

He thought he should be angry, but he wasn’t. He just didn’t care about much anymore; his situation in life weighed heavily upon his mind. It was the first time Delos had seen him naked. For most teens, it might have been a big moment in their lives with an equally big opportunity, but not for him. He got dressed quickly, a bit bothered that he wasn’t more intrigued by the possibilities presented by the situation. “You can turn around now. I’m dressed,” he said emotionlessly, trying to be as blasé about it as possible.

“Alex, I really am so, so, sorry. I thought you always slept in pyjamas. I mean, at least I know when we were younger you did.”

“Yeah, I used to. No way for you to know that I stopped.”

A terribly awkward silence followed while each contemplated the various implications of what was said.

“You look nice, you know,” Delos said shyly, remembering every vivid detail of what Alex looked like, even though she only got a glimpse for a few seconds. She knew it was going to be the subject of her own fantasies.

“Nice?”

“I mean, you know, it’s not what I expected, exactly.”

“I’m not sure I want to have this discussion, but you mean you expected something?”

“Um, I liked what I saw if you must know. I’ve thought about it before if you must know. I always hoped that one day I’d see everything, but not quite like this. I’m really embarrassed how this worked out. What I was hoping for was very different.”

The many ramifications of that statement ran through his head, all of which made him smile, his efforts to hide his smile failing. “Look, let’s get out of here.”

They went downstairs where Alex’s mother, Amanda, was in the kitchen watering the flowers in the pots on the windowsill.

“Hey, kids. So, you’re off to the park today, right?”

“Yeah, but we’ll be back before dinner, Mom, so, don’t worry. Unless you want us to grab food elsewhere.”

“Don’t worry, Amanda. You’ve got a nice, growing boy here. I’m sure we’ll both be fine,” said Delos, an evil glint in her eyes. Alex picked up on it, but his mother didn’t.

“Okay. I’ll expect you for dinner, but if you decide to eat out, call me before three so I don’t cook for no reason, Oh, and while I’m thinking of it – because I know you won’t, Alex – don’t you forget, tomorrow’s Sunday and that’s the day your father gets to come visit.”

“Yeah, I know, but just because he was awarded once-a-week visitation rights, doesn’t mean I want to see him.”

“Now, dear, just humour him, at least for a little while longer, until you’re over eighteen. It’s only a few more months. You know we really need those support payments. Try not to make things difficult for us just out of spite.”

“Yeah, Mom. You’re right.” Alex knew things were rough for them financially with his father gone. His mother was now working, something she hadn’t done in years. He was working part-time at the local Barnes and Nobles bookstore to help out, too. The support payments that had been awarded in the divorce settlement weren’t nearly as much as they needed.

“One more thing, Alex. Although we don’t agree on much anymore, your father and I really feel you need to start seeing a psychologist again. It’s not a big deal. Lots of people see them. You haven’t been the same since you came back from that trip to London. He’s agreed to pay for it, if it makes you feel better about going.”

“You’re right about one thing: I’m not the same. But do we really have to have this discussion in front of Delos? It’s sort of embarrassing.”

“She’s like one of the family, so I didn’t think you’d mind. I’m sorry, dear. We can have this discussion later, when we’re alone.”

“Great,” said Alex, sarcasm dripping from his voice.

Alex and Delos went outside, and walked to the spot where Delos had parked her brand-new sea-foam green Prius. This was the first year they were out, and they could only be ordered on-line, which is exactly how she had bought it. She thought it made a nice statement. Alex was actually impressed with the car; although it was relatively eco-friendly, it still had some personality, unlike most of the earlier model hybrid cars. He’d never driven it, because Delos never let anyone drive her car, but he enjoyed riding in it nonetheless.

“So, Alex, what’s that bit about the shrink?”

“There are a few things. First, I think I might be depressed, though almost nobody would guess it from the way I act. Second, I’m always tired, spend too much time in bed, and am also thoroughly unmotivated.”

“That’s easy to fix, I think. Lots of people are depressed and get treatment every day. So there must be more to your aversion to seeing a shrink than just depression. Don’t make me beg, just spill it. Now! Hell, I’ve seen you naked. There’s no point in hiding anything now,” she said, a grin on her face, trying to lighten the mood.

Alex, though, was having none of it. “Lastly, Mom and Dad are worried I might be gay. They’re worried I’m fixated on some fantasy world.”

“Are they viewing that as one problem or two?”

“Two, I guess. But it’s really one and the same.”

“Even if they don’t believe your somewhat fantastic tale about Nicky, I do. You’re many things, but you’ve never been a liar.”

“Thanks for the vote of confidence.”

“And as for the gay thing, are you? I mean it’s not like we’ve ever done much together. I’ve always wondered: is it me, or is it you? And with all that’s happened, it’s not surprising someone would conclude you’re gay. It’s okay to be gay, you know. I wish you weren’t but if you tell me you are, I won’t abandon you.”

“Fuck, Delos! That’s blunt, but I should expect that out of you. I’ll be honest: I’ve been expecting this question from you for ages, but I just don’t have a good answer for it, though I’ve tried to come up with one. However, I can explain it well enough so maybe you can understand.”

Alex reached over and turned the radio down. Somehow, discussing his feelings to the vocals of AC/DC’s Dirty Deeds didn’t seem appropriate. “I like you a lot, Delos. Hell, I love you, but I’m not sure if I really love you in that way. I just haven’t thought about it fully. I know you want me to be in love with you, since you’ve dropped enough hints. You probably think I’m clueless and didn’t notice them, but I have. What I can tell you is that I normally don’t think about guys at night when I’m alone with my pleasant fantasies.”

“So you admit it! You spank the monkey! Alex spanks the monkey!” Delos shouted with glee, trying to make the mood lighter.

Alex, however, wasn’t cooperating with her efforts in that regard. “Thanks for the juvenile outburst, Delos. Make this even harder on me. You know I don’t like to discuss myself or anything about me, especially stuff like this. Guys don’t like talking about masturbation with girls; we’re all funny like that.”

“I’m sorry, but as you say most guys don’t discuss this with girls, so it surprised me a bit. From you, it’s earth shattering. You’re probably the most hung-up, uptight guy I’ve ever met. But I love you for who you are, not for who I want you to be. That won’t change. I promise.”

Alex realized Delos hadn’t figured out what he had been doing when she had barged in. That relieved him. “Yeah, I admitted it, but only because it’s you. Only. Anyway, as I was saying, before I was so rudely interrupted by some psycho-bitch, I don’t think about guys. But I think about Nicky, almost to the point of obsession. This isn’t about whether or not I love some guy or some girl. The gender is irrelevant to me. I love who someone is. The feeling I get when I am around them. I am in love with a person and whether they’re man, woman, or a space creature from Uranus, it just doesn’t matter.”

Delos said, evenly, “So you still love Nicky?”

“Yes. Desperately. Getting on that train and leaving was the most difficult and painful thing I’ve ever done. I did it for him, but I’m sure he doesn’t believe that.”

“Are you positive it was the right thing?”

“Well it’s the least wrong of all the things I could have done.”

“Are you sure you weren’t running away from yourself? Most guys would freak if they realized they were in love with another guy.”

“I’m sure that’s part of it. It was a shock to me when I realized it. But you’ve always known I’m not ‘most guys’ and I think I’m dealing with this better now than I was then.”

“Oh?” said Delos. She was silent for a moment, thinking about Alex and Nicky, and it was then that it dawned on her that Nicky was her competition for Alex’s affection. That probably shouldn’t have startled her, but it did, and without thinking, she said, “So, I’m your second choice?”

“Delos, I love you with all my heart, but the truth is, if I had to pick, I’d probably pick Nicky if I could. But I don’t think that’s an option.”

“I knew you were going to say that, but it hurts anyway.”

“I’m sorry.”

“No, no, don’t apologize for your feelings. They are what they are. I’ll deal with it. Somehow I always thought we’d be together. And if it means being together as your second choice, I can probably live with that.”

“I always felt the same way – that we’d be together – but then I met Nicky. I can’t explain it. I wish I didn’t feel this way, but I can’t deny it. I don’t want to be gay. I don’t even want to be bi. I want to be normal, like everyone else.”

“Don’t whine, Alex. Being gay is perfectly okay. It’s unusual, but that doesn’t mean it’s not normal. It doesn’t mean I don’t still care about you. But I’m going to need some time to deal with this.”

“You know, it’s not like I’ll ever see Nicky again. So you’re really not my second choice.”

“Now why on earth would you come to that conclusion, Alex?”