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Gavin gently stroked Alex's hair. It was a moment or two before he realized what he was doing, and then he quickly stopped, knowing how Alex would react if he realized he was doing it. He hoped Alex hadn't noticed. Not so much because he cared, but because he knew Alex was struggling with staying true to Nicky. The situation bothered Gavin, but he realized if he forced Alex to choose now, he'd lose him without a second thought. He'd be patient and eventually Alex would see the light.

Alex, distracted by the view of Hong Kong at night, hadn't noticed Gavin's actions. Once Hong Kong was out of sight, Alex reclined his seat slightly, and said "Sorry I've been ignoring you, but I wanted to savour my last glimpse of Hong Kong -- I must admit it's as magnificent at night as it is in the day. You know, I'm really not looking forward to this flight." He paused for a moment, then hastily added, "I mean because I'm tired of flying and not for any other reason.

"Yeah, no matter how comfortable the flight is -- and this one will be great because of the lie-flat beds -- it still comes down to the fact it's another interminably long plane flight. Nobody likes those. On the plus side, when it's all over you will be able to say you flew around the world. Literally."

"Yeah. I could tell all my friends. Oh, right, I don't have any."

"Oooo. That's the old Alex peeking back through."

"Old Alex? There's one and only one Alex. There's neither an Old Alex nor a New Alex, just Alex."

"You don't honestly believe that, do you?'

"How do you mean?"

"I've known you a very short time. The Alex I met in a bicycle wreck in the park is not the same Alex I know now."

"That's just not true."

"Really?" asked Gavin, lowering his voice, "Would the Alex of a few months ago have jumped in the shower uninvited?"

"Maybe," said Alex defensively.

"Be honest."

"Maybe," repeated Alex.

"Right. You want a specific example? How about the first shower where you came in when I invited you?"

"Maybe," repeated Alex again.

"How about what we did in the shower? We masturbated each other! Don't tell me you'd have done that. Can you honestly say maybe?"

"Oh, fuck it," said Alex. "You're right. I know you're right. But I don't want to change. I don't like change. I'm afraid of what I might change into."

"You're growing. That's what you're supposed to do, Alex. Change is a part of life. It's nothing to be afraid of or even worry about. You're changing from someone who's likeable to someone who's lovable."

"Do you think Nicky will think so?" asked Alex.

Gavin didn't reply, turning his head and looking out the window, crushed by Alex's total insensitivity to him.

Alex could tell something had changed suddenly. But he didn't know what or why. After a few minutes, Alex began to feel frustrated.

"Gavin. Why are you angry? I don't understand. You knew the reason I was coming was for Nicky. You knew that's where this would end up. You just don't have the right to get pissed off -- nothing has changed."

Gavin blurted out angrily, "Just blow me, Alex."

"Would it change how you feel?" asked Alex, aghast at the words as soon as they flew out of his mouth.

"Oh, just shut up and leave me alone for a while. Why don't you think before you talk?" asked Gavin, the frustration clear in his voice.

Alex sat silently, trying to think of what could have possibly made Gavin so angry considering nothing had changed. He was flummoxed, and didn't understand why Gavin was reacting the way he was. Gavin knew the situation going in, so, in his mind, there was no logical reason these things should bother him now.

The continuing silence was eventually interrupted by the flight attendant, "We're serving a light snack if you'd like to eat before we dim the cabin lights. We'll serve a breakfast before arrival."

"I'll have something, please," Gavin said, pointedly avoiding any eye contact with Alex.

Alex tried to meet Gavin's eyes before turning to the flight attendant and saying, "Me as well, thank you."

A few moments later, a tray with a salad, some fruit, some crackers and cheese, and a dinner roll was placed in front of each teen. They ate in silence, Gavin staring at the in-flight magazine while he ate. Alex just stared bewilderedly about the cabin between bites. The silence was deafening and discomforting.

It wasn't long before their trays were cleared away. Gavin put his seat in the lie-flat mode, put on the headphones, and faced away from Alex, hoping sleep would come soon and take his mind away from the pain.

Alex, with nothing to do, put his seat down as well. He didn't put on headphones, and just lay there staring at Gavin's back, still wondering what had made him so angry. He didn't like Gavin being angry with him. He started thinking about London to distract himself, and he slowly drifted off to sleep. Unexpectedly, he dreamed of his last moments with Nicky.

Alex remembered the tension was so strong it prevented them from saying things they should say, or needed to say. Sometimes it even prevented them from saying they'd just made a terrible mistake. Or maybe it was just pride. He wasn't sure. The emotions of his last moments flooded his dream.

Alex knew that any minute a train would come, and he'd have to leave. He remembered, saying to Nicky. "I want to say goodbye, Nicky," realizing as he said it, it wasn't what he really wanted to say. He wanted to tell Nicky how he really felt, but he couldn't. Not yet. He realized that sometimes he was offended by his own cowardice. Alex went over to Nicky, embraced him. He threw caution to the wind, and gave Nicky a kiss. He was surprised when Nicky kissed him back. It was not the kind of kiss he expected. The moment would be frozen in their minds forever.

"Oh, God," said Alex -- his last words to Nicky -- as Nicky led him to the train that had pulled into the station. He silently mouthed the words he was afraid to say: "I love you," but he didn't think Nicky saw it.

As Alex looked out the window of the departing train, seeing Nicky shrink in the distance, he wondered if his decision was the right one. The breaking of his heart told him it probably wasn't. The sudden realization he had made the worst decision of his young life was accompanied by the strains of a familiar song in the background as the train continued its journey through the dark, musty tunnel.

Alex slept fitfully, tossing and turning in his seat.

Gavin, unable to sleep at all, turned and watched Alex for a while, wondering what he was dreaming about. Gavin finally dozed off as well, just moments before Alex woke up.

Alex wiped his eyes; they were wet. He didn't know if someone could cry in his sleep, but it felt like he just had. He reached over, and gently touched Gavin on the arm to see if he was awake. Gavin didn't stir, so he withdrew his hand.

Alex continued thinking about his last moments with Nicky and how he felt. He also thought about how Nicky must have felt in those last moments. It suddenly hit him how Gavin must feel. Alex realized he wanted Nicky, and couldn't have him and Gavin must be having the same feelings about him. It made him feel terrible. He wanted to wake Gavin and apologize immediately, but didn't think that would be the best idea. He lay there, staring at Gavin, thinking. Alex realized he was growing closer and closer to Gavin, but it upset him because he was sure his heart still belonged to Nicky. He knew the second he saw Nicky everything would be resolved. Gavin would get over him. Sure it would hurt for a while, but it would be for the best. Maybe he'd even get together with Delos and everyone could live happily ever after. The thought made him smile.

At some point Alex dozed back off. When he awakened some hours later -- because he thought he felt someone stroking his hair -- he slowly opened his eyes. There was nobody moving around, so he must have dreamt it. He shook his head to clear it, and then moved the seat up a little so it wasn't in the bed position. He saw that Gavin was awake, though the cabin was still dark.

"Gavin, can we talk? Please?" whispered Alex.

"Go on," Gavin said flatly, betraying no emotion, in a barely audible voice.

"I'm sorry. I know what pissed you off. I figured it out. You're in love with me and you're afraid you'll lose me to Nicky, but you don't want to. And that hurts you. Even though you knew this moment was coming, you still can't deal with it. It's emotions at play, not logic, and I'm not good at recognizing those. But, I understand why you're mad. I really do." Alex explained simply, because he wasn't good at describing his emotions, what he felt, or even what he thought. He understood, but explaining it was difficult. It was important to him that Gavin really knew that he understood.

"Yes. I believe that sums it up nicely," commented Gavin, still betraying absolutely no emotion and keeping his voice low.

"Gavin, I care about you. I really do. I've been up front about Nicky. I thought you understood."

"Understanding it is one thing. But when you rub it in my face, albeit unintentionally, it hurts."

"I'm not rubbing it in your face. Not deliberately anyway, and I'm sorry you took it that way. It's going to get worse when we're in London. You know that, right?"

"I know. You're going to look for him, probably find him, and live happily ever after without me. Deep down I know that's how it'll play out. But accepting that has become increasingly more difficult as I've fallen in love with you."

Alex didn't know how to respond, but he offered a tentative smile, hoping Gavin could see it in the very low light of the cabin. In response, Gavin reached out and held Alex's hand for a moment, then let go.

"I don't suppose your earlier offer still stands?"

"Offer?"

"Well, I did say 'blow me' and you said you would...." reminded Gavin with a smile.

"I think not."

"I know. You're going to be faithful to Nicky. I hate it, but I understand it."

"Thanks for understanding and thank you for being my friend and for loving me despite my enormous and obvious shortcomings."

"It's not that short," said Gavin playfully.

Alex responded by punching him in the shoulder. They both giggled and then muffled themselves so as not to wake up the other passengers, most of whom were sleeping. They put their seats back into bed mode. Then, they adjusted their blankets so they overlapped, and held hands under the covers as they drifted off to sleep.

They were awakened by the smell of coffee. People were up and about, some watching movies at their seats. There was noise coming from the galley. It was still dark, but obviously it was getting close to mealtime.

"It's only 4:30 in the morning London time," remarked Alex. "Why are we up?"

"It's going to be breakfast at around 5am you know. Then we should land around 6:30. If they're starting the service early, it means we're due to land early."

"Great."

Breakfast was soon served and it was a traditional English breakfast. Gavin started wolfing his down. Alex had to pick out the mushrooms, which he abhorred. "Do you want these evil things, Gavin?"

"Of course! I love mushrooms."

"Yuck. If I wanted fungus, I'd lick between your toes."

"Really? If you want to..."

"You are so disgusting," said Alex, rolling his eyes.

"You have no idea," laughed Gavin.

They finished the remnants of their breakfasts and took more rolls when the cart came around again. They both had their coffee cups refilled a number of times, which led them to race to the bathroom as soon as the trays were moved out of their way.

Alex and Gavin used the time after breakfast to repack their books and other things they had used during the flight back into their carry-ons. They filled out their landing cards.

"Where are we staying?" asked Alex.

"The Rembrandt Hotel in Knightsbridge."

"Is it nice?"

"It's okay, really. Fair rooms, fair price, free breakfast buffet included."

"How many rooms do we have?" inquired Alex.

"We'll each have our own. Don't forget, after the first night I'm off to Liverpool to visit family and won't be back until the day before the return trip," said Gavin, making no eye contact with Alex and showing no emotions.

"Right. I remember that, now. I had almost forgotten. Maybe we'll get lucky and they'll screw up the reservation again."

Gavin sighed before answering, and when he did, his voice remained emotionless. "I would rather hope not. You've made your choice, Alex. You made that very clear earlier this flight. You need to resolve that before we can do anything else. I'm willing to be your second choice, but only once the first one is done and over."

The words hit Alex like a truncheon. He realized again that if he ended up happily with Nicky it would really hurt Gavin. It had repeatedly registered in the back of his mind as he kept flip-flopping on how he felt, but this brought it home in terms that were not to be denied. He knew he was being selfish at times, and his own waffling around bothered him, but even more so because it wasn't fair to Gavin. Normally he wouldn't care, but in Gavin's case he did care. Alex didn't say anything for a long time, leaving nothing but silence while he thought of how to express what he was feeling.

Once the final approach was announced some forty minutes later, Alex finally blurted out, "You're right. I know I'm a shit about this, and an inconsistent one at that, but I can't help it."

"I get that. I don't like it, but I get it."

The flight attendants passed out Fast-Track cards to those in the first class cabin.

Soon, the plane was on the ground and the boys rushed out to beat the crowd to immigration. As they approached, Gavin told Alex he'd meet him on the other side since they had separate queues to go through.

Alex was less than halfway through the Fast-Track line when Gavin appeared on the other side in the waiting area. Alex was thankful he wasn't in the main line or he'd be there easily another hour. About ten minutes later, he cleared immigration and the boys walked to the baggage claim area to wait for their luggage, which was taking its time, apparently being routed through another country before being delivered. Eventually it showed up, and they were on their way through Her Majesty's Customs, which was quick and hassle-free.

Alex stopped at the foreign exchange booth, and converted all his dollars into pounds. He tried to pay Gavin for his share of the Hong Kong expenses, but Gavin was hesitant to accept. "Alex, you can't afford this trip, but I can. I don't mind."

"I'll feel weird. Please, take some money. I've been feeling horrible about it since we got to Hong Kong. I'm not a charity case, you know."

Gavin reluctantly took some of the money to assuage Alex, but he felt bad because he knew that paying for this trip was not easy for Alex. They went to the train station and boarded the Heathrow Express. When the conductor came around, they each bought a return ticket. Within an hour, the train pulled into Paddington Station.