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The mysterious green-eyed teen stood before Alex shrouded almost entirely in shadows, looking back at him with a steely-eyed gaze, as if demanding answers to unspoken questions, yet no words came forth. Alex knew he should recognize the peculiar teen from what little he could see, but he didn't. He felt a slow terror creep up his spine; suddenly, the strange teen lunged forward, reaching out and put a cloth over Alex's nose. He had trouble breathing; he wanted to scream, but he was unable to. He felt as if he was being smothered. He began to struggle, and then he felt something sharp, knife-like, draw across his throat, and at that moment, he knew he was going to die.

Alex was vaguely aware of something sharp poking him. He opened his eyes slowly. His head hurt terribly. He was in a white, Spartan room. It was very bright from multiple banks of fluorescent lights. There was a needle in his arm, attached to a tube, which ran from an IV dispenser. Alex realized he felt a bit nauseated. He remembered seeing Nicky, and then the room grew fuzzy and he slept.

He saw Nicky, and he tried to speak to him. "Nicky, can you hear me?"

Nicky did not answer.

He saw both his parents and tried to speak to them. "Mommy, can you hear me? Daddy?"

His parents did not answer him.

He saw Delos, and he tried to speak to her. "Delos, can you hear me?"

Delos did not answer either.

Again, he felt something sharp poking him, and he opened his eyes. He was alone in the room. He came to the slow realization it was a hospital room. He tried to sit up, but found he didn't have the strength. He wasn't in pain really, though he had a brutal, pounding headache that caused his entire body to feel as if it were throbbing. He wasn't conscious of any injuries to his body that would cause him to be here, and he wondered why he was in hospital, but before he could figure it out, he was asleep again.

He saw Gavin, and he tried to speak to him. "Gavin, can you hear me?"

Gavin did not answer.

The mysterious green-eyed teen stood before Alex shrouded almost entirely in shadows, looking back at him with a steely-eyed gaze, as if demanding answers to unspoken questions, yet no words came forth. Alex knew he should recognize the peculiar teen from what little he could see, but he didn't. Suddenly, the strange teen lunged forward, reaching out and putting a hand on Alex's shoulder. Alex began to struggle, and then he felt something envelop him. He realized he was being hugged and it surprised him.

Alex looked at the teen and noticed he looked very much like Gavin. The mysterious teen faded away and Alex awakened again. He thought about the dream wondering why it had changed, but he had no answers. As he became more coherent, he noticed, the needle was gone from his arm, and there was a tall man standing next to a monitor making notes on his clipboard.

The man turned and spoke to Alex. "Ah, I see you're awake. I'm the laboratory technician. I'll have the doctor come in straight away."

"Where am I?" His voice was raspy, his throat dry.

"You're in hospital, of course. I'm sure you have lots of questions, but it's really up to the doctor to answer them." The man picked up a phone, dialled some numbers, and spoke a few words into the receiver before hanging up.

Alex struggled to stay conscious. "May I have some water, please? My throat is very dry."

"Sorry, young man. That's the prerogative of the doctor as well. He should be here any moment, though."

Alex tried to move, but found that he was restrained by four straps -- one on each limb.

A few moments later, a pudgy man walked in wearing a white smock and carrying a clipboard and a file-folder bulging with papers. He was obviously the doctor. After the doctor walked in, the technician whispered a few words in the doctor's ear, and then promptly left.

"Right, then. I'm Doctor Ashford and you are in Bethlam Royal Hospital."

"What happened? Why am I in the hospital?"

"No recollection at all then?"

"None, really. I remember it raining, and I went into a tube station. But it's all very fuzzy and vague."

"I see. What is the last thing you remember, then? Clearly remember, that is?"

"Can I have some water please? My throat is very dry."

"Of course. Of course. Half a moment, Alex." Doctor Ashford got a paper cup from the dispenser, filled it with water, and then undid one of the restraints. He then handed the cup to Alex who drank cautiously.

"I left the hotel to find Nicky, and I couldn't find him. I was taking the tube back to the hotel. I never made it back, though, did I?"

"No. You didn't make it back. That's all you remember? Are you quite certain?"

"Yes. Nothing more," said Alex truthfully.

"So how do you explain your fuzzy memory of being rained on and then going into a tube station? That must have happened before you got to the tube, yes?"

"Obviously, but I don't remember. Why all these questions, Doctor Ashford? They don't seem very medical."

Alex set the cup down, after finishing his water. Doctor Ashford refastened the restraint, much to Alex's irritation.

"Young man, this is not a medical hospital. This is a psychiatric hospital."

Alex's heart skipped a beat. "I beg your pardon? A WHAT?"

"You must understand that once you attempt suicide you are committed to a psychiatric hospital for observation. The post-attempt amnesia is perfectly normal and will likely fade as the anti-psychotics wear off."

"I did WHAT?"

Doctor Ashford pulled up a chair and sat down. "That's what we're here to determine. Let me fill you in on what we do know. We backtracked from your attempt by using CCTV footage and saw that you walked the streets for nearly an hour. You came from Green Park, but what exact time you originally got to the park or how long you were there, we couldn't determine. Scotland Yard made an appeal for information, and a few people came forward to say they saw you talking to a boy in the park. He apparently yelled at you, and stormed off."

Alex remembered, suddenly, and with painful clarity, everything that had happened. The expression on his face let the doctor know the memories had come rushing back.

"Are you willing to tell me everything?" asked Doctor Ashford.

"I will. But I want to know what happened after the attempt. That's the deal." Alex tensed up, brewing for a fight.

"We don't make deals here. I'm the doctor and you're the patient. It just doesn't work that way. However, I already told you I'd tell you the part we know, so I will."

Alex relaxed. "Sorry. The realization hit me rather suddenly; you must understand that."

"I can imagine so. It's all part of the healing process. As I was saying, three days ago, at approximately quarter to four in the afternoon, you attempted to leap in front of a tube train as it entered the station."

"Yes. I remember now, doing that. I didn't plan it. It just happened."

"Odd, though. The CCTV tapes showed you standing in the station for nearly twenty minutes. It made it look as if you were trying to decide what to do."

"I was just thinking about the sorry lot my life had become. I loved Nicky -- that's the boy I was with -- and I hadn't realized it fully. When I realized that I did love him, I went back to find him. I finally found him, but he told me it was too late. The pain and hurt of those last moments played over and over in my mind after he said that: sort of like an accident was taking Nicky away forever. But, if an accident had taken him away, I wouldn't see him any more and one day I think I would get over it. But he's alive and I know he's there. That's what hurts: knowing he's oblivious to me and doesn't care any more. I'm sure I'll get over him, but he's not part of my life any more. I blew it. And Gavin's given up on me too."

"Suicides among gay teens are very high. That would explain a lot," offered Doctor Ashford with an odd expression on his face.

"I'm not gay," insisted Alex.

"I see," said the disbelieving doctor, "We'll get back to that later."

"Just because I love one specific guy doesn't mean I'm gay."

"Two guys: Nicky and Gavin. But, as I said, we'll revisit this topic later. I promised you some answers." The doctor continued, "A few moments before you jumped, a gentleman had asked if you were all right. As you prepared to jump, that same gentleman saw what you were doing and leapt towards you, knocking you to the platform. He hit you rather hard to keep your momentum from carrying you both into the path of the train. You were severely concussed and we had quite the time waking you up. That's why you were under so much medication until the swelling went down. You also have a few stitches near the top of your head where it hit the concrete."

Alex didn't reply, trying to soak in all the information.

Doctor Ashford said, "I have to go now. I'll be back after dinner to finish today's session. We'll have quite a few more of these before we can release you."

"I understand," said Alex. "Can I have something for my headache?"

"I'll send an orderly in shortly with something."

"When can I have the restraints off?" asked Alex.

"When I decide it's safe," said the doctor as he exited, closing the door behind him.

When the doctor returned it was nearly seven in the evening.

Alex asked, "So, Doctor Ashford, who saved me?"

"You were lucky -- it was a serendipitous moment. An MI-5 agent on his way to work happened to be in the station."

"I see," said Alex, feeling very stupid. "I suppose I should be grateful." Alex knew why the MI5 agent was there, but knew better than to explain it.

"Yes, you should. He called 999 immediately, and they treated your head wound, and then brought you here straight away. While he was waiting for help, he went through your wallet. He found a phone number for Gavin Michaels, who upon learning of your injury, immediately returned to London. Gavin is, apparently, a friend of yours."

"Yes, at least he used to be before I ruined it," said Alex sullenly. "At one point, I hoped I'd end up with him, too, but that was ruined along with everything else when I decided to go after Nicky."

"He seems quite concerned about you."

"He's here in the hospital?" asked Alex, feeling suddenly excited.

"Yes. He's here. So are your parents. They both flew over from the States immediately upon hearing what happened. Gavin told us how to get in touch with everyone."

"Both of my parents? Both?"

"Does that surprise you, Alex?"

"Yes, it rather does. I'd expect my mother to come but not my father."

"They brought someone with them, too."

"Who?" asked Alex, wondering who would give a shit about him.

"A young lady named Delos. She seems rather distraught at all this and she's been talking to one of our other psychiatrists. In fact, your parents have been too."

"It doesn't surprise me. If I'm in your life, it ends up ruined," whined Alex piteously.

"That's not a productive thing to think, Alex," advised Doctor Ashford.

"The truth is what the truth is," stated Alex stubbornly.

"We have a lot more to talk about, Alex, but you need to rest. Do you want visitors later? Everyone wants to see you."

"Not the one that matters. Can we put it off for a day or two?"

"That's entirely up to you. They can be admitted singly, or together. You get to decide."

"What's the right thing to do?"

"That's for you to decide, Alex," stated the doctor, his tone indicating it was a test of some sort.

"Tomorrow then: the parents together and after that, the friends, one at a time. I think another day of self-pity and soul-searching will do me good."

"If you think that's what you need. You might want to think about what you really need in your life as opposed to what you think you need. They aren't often the same things. One last thing, so you know. These rooms are under twenty-four hour video surveillance. We don't think you're a threat to yourself anymore, so you won't be restrained after tomorrow. If you feel you need medical attention: mental or physical, press that red button on the bed near your hand. Someone will be with you within a few seconds. The green button is the regular call button for a nurse."

"Thank you Doctor Ashford. Talking about this has helped."

"You're welcome Mr. Maitland." Doctor Ashford smiled and left, shutting off the lights and throwing the room into complete darkness except for the infrared lighting for the security camera.

Alex lay in bed, thinking about everything that had happened. He didn't have any urge to kill himself. He wasn't sure where that had come from. It must have been the pressure of the moment. His mood was still black, though. He definitely had some serious self-pity and negative emotions to deal with. And, no matter what came of this, Nicky was certainly gone from his life forever. He'd irretrievably lost the person he thought was his soul mate, and it surprised him that he finally had accepted that fact. He'd was sure he'd lost Gavin, too, and the realization of that hurt more than he could have imagined it would. He'd lost everyone, even Delos, though that seemed aeons ago. Alex's thoughts began to overwhelm him and he wished he were still medicated. The more his thoughts churned in his mind, the more hopeless and lost he felt. He had no one.

"What's wrong with me?" he muttered to himself in anguish, before crying out loudly into the darkness, "Why doesn't anybody want me?"

The door cracked open enough that Alex could see a silhouette in the doorway. Then, the figure spoke, saying, simply, "I do."

Alex smiled.

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