I’ve never been worth a shit at some things. Most athletics. A lot of homework. Getting good grades. Doing what I’m told to do. To me that makes me a normal teenager. Why do most adults act like this kind of stuff makes you a delinquent? Today when I say “most adults” it means something different in my life like never before. There’s one adult who’s different, who cares, who isn’t giving me much shit. Being honest, he’s not just giving me much shit, he’s saved my ass, and now he’s my “Sexy Man.” How cool is that?
Actually, there’s three adults in my life now who care. I can’t believe Miss Albright and Miss Hayes treated me the way they did and stepped in to help like they did. I guess I’ve got to be more open or stop having attitudes about all adults.
It’s been a week like…. what’s that line in the essays in my English Lit textbook…? oh yeah, “it’s been a whirlwind week.” Where do they come up with these terms? I guess that one means something. Whenever I hear it, I think of Pig Pen in the Peanuts cartoon, with the whirlwind swirling about his head. I know that’s not what they mean – maybe Pig Pen’s got a tornado swirling dirt, and the whirlwind means it’s busy or crazy or something like that. Anyway, it has been.
I haven’t gotten back to this writing for days it’s been so crazy. I’ve decided this isn’t a diary (diaries are for girls where you write to yourself about what you wish and stuff!). This is a journal to document what’s happening to me because it’s so mind blowing. It’s so crazy I don’t know yet if I actually believe it’s happening to me—to Jackson Harris, cuz nothing good really happens to me. At least up to now. Anyhow, I’m writing it down just in case it all goes sideways like so much else in my life has, at least they’ll find a record, or I’ll have something to remind me of what the best days of my life were like.
Anyway, starting with the last time I wrote, a lot has happened. I guess in English Lit they’d call that “an understatement!” See, I’m not such a dope! But back to events. Since then I got busted sneaking out of the house at night to go see David, my so-called Dad got arrested for assault and is in jail, Gary and I thought we were going into foster care and I’ve had real sex with my Sexy Man! How’s that for a busy week?
It all makes some kind of sense, I guess. At least my life didn’t blow up, even though a couple of times it sure felt like it was going to. I want to start with the sex stuff, but I know a journal is supposed to be in order, whatever that’s called. Something to do with chronology, I think. Anyway, I was sneaking out of the house to visit David after that first night where we slept together naked and I got to see him and cop a feel of that far out cock he’s got! I know I wasn’t supposed to, I mean him being a minister and all and we were supposed to be just sleeping and I had to get up to do my paper route, but his cock was jammed into me, and I kinda got carried away. Anyway, I did my paper route and came back and we had breakfast (yes, a second breakfast is a far out treat!) and then we had our second date!
Well, I called it our second date, he just called it his second day with me being his guide of the local road system. Jeez! How unromantic! Jesus! That was a few minutes of total freak out. Like you forget for a few seconds that you slept naked with the guy the night before and copped a feel when you got up because the word celibate is like hearing a fire alarm for a horny kid like me, and especially when it’s coming out of the mouth of the guy you want to get it on with!
Luckily, he was just saying how he kind of felt he used to have to be but that was changing now that he had these new intense feelings…. yeah, new intense feelings for me too. It was kinda sweet he was being so honest about how he felt. I’d told him I thought he was out of it the day before, but now I’m starting to see he’s just complicated. Maybe he’s as fucked up inside as I am! I mean his family is all weird too, but probably not as far gone as mine is.
Anyway, we did the road tour stuff and somehow he conned me into stopping at Susan Albridge’s house which is out in the country north of town, and she shares a house with another lady named Ellen Hayes (that’s a little weird—I wonder if they’ve got a thing going?), but they turn out to be really nice even if Susan is my music teacher and the choir director at church. So, we had lunch with them, and then headed back after Ellen had to go to work at the hospital where she’s a nurse. She looks pretty pro in that nursing uniform. I bet no one gives her any shit on the job!
Anyhow we got back in town and there was my Pop out front of our house acting normal, like an asshole, and giving me shit about not being around to be his slave and do his work. David was cool though and calmed him down and took me back to the parsonage to get my bike and then I made sure he understood I was coming back to see him during the night. He’s so sweet, he talks about me “coming to him.” That’s pretty righteous because “cumming” is part of what I’ve got in my mind, and hopefully in his too. But anyway, he was way worried that it was too risky after last night, especially with the mood Pop was in, but I told him I had the system down and was coming and he just smiled and said be careful.
So, yeah, I had the system down, but I hadn’t counted on my Mom having to take a pee or get another drink, or whatever, around midnight and she caught me heading down the stairs. She got all pushy and noisy and I got mad and cussed her out, and then Pop showed up and it really went nuts. We were yelling and he hit me and knocked me down the stairs and I hit my head on the banister and shit…. that hurt like hell. He hit me on the side of the face like you’d swing a racket ball racket—I mean it just knocked me over and down the stairs I went. Then I got grounded and put on detention which really sucked! That meant I could only leave the house for my paper route. Shit! But I did get to see David cuz he gets a paper!
That’s when it went up in the fan blades because he couldn’t believe what my face looked like with the red mark (what did he call that, a contusion? I always called it a red mark when it happened before), and the bruise where I hit the banister. Anyway, and this is where it gets good, he got me out of detention to help him finish unpacking in the afternoon and Susan came by the house and saw my face and made me tell her what happened and then on Monday she reported my parents to the CPS for child abuse and medical neglect! How ‘bout them potatoes. I’m starting to believe the line from the movies about “what goes around comes around!”
So, they got reported on Monday and in the afternoon here comes a CPS woman and some cop-like guy and they have a session with Mom and then me and then Gary, and when Pop comes home with him, and then Pop gets arrested and hauled off! Fuckin’ A – that was hard to believe….and it was hard not to cheer a little bit. We weren’t cheering much cuz it turned out Pop had also been beating and sexually abusing Gary! Jeez, go figure. Then it looks like Gary and me would end up in foster care cuz Mom’s a drunk and she was part of the problem, or at least let it happen, but then David and Susan and Ellen stepped in and got working with the CPS lady to try and keep the family together and by the end of the week they’ve got a therapist coming to the house starting next week, and Mom’s agreed to stop drinking (and we made her pour all the booze down the drain) and she’s going to AA as well. Pretty crazy, right?
But then the most radical thing is that David talks about me in his sermon! Like, go figure! It’s his first sermon here and he’s talking about me. I mean, he didn’t use my name, but he called me his close friend! Is that cool, or what. When we’d been listening to some of his old records, we’d talked about the Simon and Garfunkel song where I kinda told him he was “like a rock” and isolated and stuff, and then when we got to Sound of Silence he got all emotional and we talked about that song too, about people not communicating, and he used that in his sermon on Sunday and said one of his “close friends” had pointed some important stuff out to him in those songs! Pretty rad! I wish my English teacher had been there so I could tell her. That didn’t happen, though, instead I got hauled home with the family after church and back to detention.
The break came after Pop got arrested and hauled away. Man, it got real at our house pretty fast! Next thing you know, Mom is acting normal, she quits drinking, I’m off detention, I find out Gary has been bullying me mainly cause he was getting abused and was taking it out on me. And, maybe he’s been taking it in the ass—and he was trying to protect me. That was like no way! He’s been bullying me, but it turns out he was doing both and I’d never thought he’d care enough about me to do that. But at least it meant I only got beaten by Pop, never anything sexual. I can’t even picture Pop making Gary suck his cock or bending him over and corn-holing him. Jeez, that’s gross.
But that’s the way it went, and the amazing thing was that besides the CPS people, Susan and Ellen were teamed up to work with my Mom and David was working with Gary and me. I mean like, really working with us, trying to help us sort our shit out and figure out what happened and start getting along together and even getting us to work mowing lawns to earn some money. Having some change to spend will be cool for a change!
That was most of what happened, except the time David and I had together. We got into some heavy stuff. Like he was in my room and we talked about reading sci-fi and historical fiction and then music, and this was after the CPS thing and Pop being hauled off, and he got me talking about how I used to feel and I played Nazareth’s song Love Hurts and that was a tear jerker for both of us. I know he didn’t know the song, and then I think I blew his mind when he was asking me about my life and what I was afraid of and stuff, and I played him Please Don’t Judas Me. I could see him flinch on that one, but he understood! He understood that all my life I’ve been thrown under the bus and that what I really want with him is to be accepted and to be loved and not to be betrayed. He gets it! He’s so cool. I’ mean he’s got a lot of baggage, don’t get me wrong, he says so himself. But he’s real and he cares, and he loves me! And he wants me to help him. Get that! He wants some dork teenager to help him sort out his own shit.
And he’s the right age too. He’s older and he’s mature. He’s not some dumb kid like me. I don’t need another one like me. I need someone who’s older who can help me grow up and make the right decisions. When he was talking about growing up in other countries and his dad being gone all the time and having no Dad, I related. I mean I had a Pop who was here, but he hated me, he was no father, and now I find out he isn’t even my real father anyway! Can you believe it, he and Mom were lying about it all along? She had an affair and that’s probably why he thought I was worthless, and he could do what he wanted with me.. Any way listening to David talk about not having a father made me think that in a way I didn’t either. Maybe that’s why I want an older man. If that’s true for me, then why does he want me? Geez, that’s scary. If he didn’t have a father, then you’d think he’d want an older man too. He better not. I want him to want a teenager and that I can want an older guy. He said my cock and pubes were just fine for him. I loved that. Oh, and I loved his cock and pubes too. Maybe I said that before.
Anyway, it’s almost too crazy. What do I know? He says I’m bright and perceptive (too bad my teachers don’t think so), and that I’m way ahead of him in sorting out my emotions and knowing who I am. Jeez, I’d never have passed that quiz! Sort out my emotions? I’ve always felt like an emotional mess. But I guess part of it is that I already knew I was gay, and he didn’t. That still blows my mind, that it took that time with me, a high school kid, for him to start getting it that he was gay. Course maybe it had something to do with me feeling him up! I almost can’t believe I did that our first day in his car! But, hey, I’ve got to be chill now too, and not too critical. I don’t know the whole story yet, but he talks about not being in touch with his feelings and them being disconnected and stuff.
So, my program is we’ll work on our stuff together cuz we’re in love! I know he’d think I’m kinda out to lunch if he heard me say that out loud, but he said he wanted me to help him and he’s already helping me, so I will. I don’t know how, but maybe it’s just being there and not saying stupid things! Who knows? Some of it is, I guess, listening to him. Like after the blow up on the stairs he really talked me into going home the next day and apologizing for cussing out my Mom. Can you believe it? I got physically abused and he wanted me to apologize. But he was right, because I was sneaking out and got caught, and that’s what I was pissed about and why I lost it. And then it turns out that it paid off another way, because I apologized for cussing her out, they kind of forgot I was sneaking out, or at least Mom did come Monday when the CPS people showed up. Anyway, David was right, and I’ve got to remember to listen to what he has to say……. sometimes!
I’m also remembering the love sessions! Sunday afternoon was just a short kissing and cuddling and who knew that could be so fabulous and such a turn on. I mean all we did was hold each other and kiss and hug and stroke and it was over the top for me. He made me go home so I wouldn’t be late, and I was so horny I couldn’t stand it, but knew I was loved. I mean really loved. And then there was Tuesday night after the dust settled on the family blow up. I’d just gotten to the point that I couldn’t stand the loneliness, being apart from him for so long, being lonely. Yes, I said it, lonely. I always was lonely but wouldn’t admit it. Now I’d felt the opposite, being accepted and loved, and I couldn’t live without it. Is this what drug addiction’ is like? Anyway, I had to go, and I snuck out with no problem cuz one of the agreements with my Mom was she’d let me sleep in my fort when I wanted to, and when I got to David’s room I waited a few minutes till he felt me there and woke up and I told him I was lonely and could I sleep with him and he didn’t just say yes, he said he was so happy that I’d come to him! See, he cares about me. So, I slipped in bed with him and we kissed and hugged and stroked and…and had sex.
Well, the most real sex I’ve had apart from jacking myself off ever in my life. I guess you could say it wasn’t sex cause all we did was get each other off with our hands, I guess a glorified jack off, but it was the best. It was so sensuous (that’s a new word!) and sexy and felt so much better than I ‘d ever thought it would. I don’t think I ever came so hard in my life. I guess that’s what happens when you have Love + Sex, it’s just so much better. I hope so, cuz that means great things are ahead. I so want to kiss his cock and do other things too. . Geez, when we’re together, especially naked, it’s like how do you stop?
I’ve got to figure this out. Like that Tuesday night, I was so horny when we got going that all I could think of was going all the way, whatever that meant (I know what it means in the porn mags!), but then I discovered that what we did, that was so, I don’t know, maybe you’d call it basic, but it was also so great and felt soooooooo…. good, that I completely forgot about going all the way or doing other more hardcore stuff. I don’t know how to explain that. Maybe it has to do with being there and doing what you’re doing with the person you love, and they’re trying to make you feel wonderful and you’re trying to make them feel wonderful, and if that’s happening for both of you then that’s all you need. It’s weird. I mean around this town there’s not much porn, but you hear it’s kind of like sex with girls, like unless it’s blowjobs or fucking it’s not real sex. But what happened to me on Tuesday was real sex. I’m glad I don’t have to explain it to anyone else! That would be embarrassing. But it was fab, and I’ve never felt so good, and then we just held each other.
Well, we held each other, but that wasn’t all. Before David came, he got this slick stuff on his cock head that he said was a lubricant called precum, and I knew I had to taste it and it wasn’t gross at all. Kind of a salty sweet. Then after David came there was plenty of his cum on his stomach and chest and I had to taste that too. That was so cool. It tasted great. Now I know what David tastes like—I mean really tastes like and how he smells down there. I love it. It’s everything I dreamed of. I guess I sound like an over the top kid in some chick flick, but it’s true. I love him and I love being loved!
Anyway, moving on, he’s got this crazy idea about having me be his main counselor for a summer church camp. I still don’t get it. I know nothing about religion and don’t want to start, but I want to help him, and he says I’m the right kind of person to do it, to help other kids. Go figure. And I’ve got to help him line up two more counselors. I don’t know who, I don’t really have any friends to talk to about it. I’ve got to work on that one. And he still wants me to do it after I asked him why we were still Presbyterians and still Christians!
That was not a smart thing to ask. I’m surprised he didn’t get pissed since he’s a minister and all. But to me it made sense. He’d told me earlier in the day that for the Presbyterians homosexuality was a depraved sin. Then after we’d had the most wonderful love session with sex it just hit me? Was what we just did depraved? It didn’t feel depraved—it felt wonderful. So, I just asked, and then we had a real peaceful talk about it, and when I asked him that question, he said it was a good question. I think that means he’s asked himself the same thing. I mean how could he not? He’s a smart guy, and if he’s finally figured out he’s gay how can he want to be in a Church that thinks he’s depraved? That’s part of the mystery here. We’ve both got our stuff to work out, he’s got his and I’ve got mine. But, mine definitely doesn’t include being depraved, and it doesn’t mean being a Presbyterian just like it doesn’t mean staying in this town either. When I can, I’m outta here. Well, hopefully I’m outta here with David. I don’t know how that’s gonna work, but it’s gotta work out. We’re in love and we’re happy being with each other. That’s not depraved.
I’ve got to wrap this up so I can go get organized to “go to bed” on time so I can slip out to the fort later and then go to David. I’m waiting to see what tomorrow will be like. He set me up for a bike ride. Bald Peak. That oughta be fun. At least we’ll be out of town and it’ll just be us together. I can’t wait.
So, “over and out” like they say on the radio on M.A.S.H., till next time. I’m hoping for more real sex and love tonight and a stellar bike ride tomorrow.
This was the end of the second whole week in town, and I was already beginning to hope that the pace of this week wasn’t representative of the typical week in the life of a new minister. I mean, of course, setting aside the romance part! Taking that out of the picture left enough major things going on, thank you very much!
We’d gotten through the week, though, and made good progress. If the in-home therapy started as planned on Monday and was successful, that could be a real plus. Maybe next week would bring some more certain resolution on Bud’s situation in jail, and if so that had to be positive for the family situation.
As I watched Jackson roll down the driveway on his bike I wondered why after all these years of confusion……is that what it should be called…….or maybe just being emotionally numb, what I’d done to deserve this love in my life. I was still reeling with the impact and just beginning to understand the scope of the challenges that were now coming my way.
I decided I’d better clean up and went upstairs for a shower. After stripping I looked in the mirror and paused then and looked at myself; something I hadn’t done for a long time. Six foot two and 175 pounds, no fat or paunch to speak of, I could still see most of my ribs even if I didn’t have a body builder’s muscles. What was that thing they all get so excited about….? Oh yeah, a six pack. No six pack here, but still healthy, tall and reasonably well built. A reasonable amount of chest hair in the same color to match the head on my hair and my pubes. Oh yeah, my pubes. I was never very conscious of them. No treasure trail here, but a decent patch above my cock. Not bad looking overall, but I’m still wondering why Jackson finds this body so attractive.
I understood he found me, the person, attractive. Just like I found him, the person, attractive. But then, I found him, the body, attractive too. I mean really attractive. The legs, the arms, the face, the chest, the crotch, the whole package. I just loved it and it turned me on. I was still struggling to understand why he found me physically attractive. Just thinking about him, and I was getting hard. I know I’m bigger than he is, but I’m older so that’s to be expected. I know I had a five-inch cock that grew to a little less than seven inches when hard—on a whim I’d measured it my senior year in college—but I’d never thought of myself as physically attractive.
Now what to make of this new love in my life who calls me his Sexy Man and means it. I’d spent years creating my approach to sexuality. I mean, I wasn’t asexual, but I guess I’d shut it down beyond something that required occasional physical release. Well, I know I had. I’d adopted the clerical celibacy model and had made the mistake of mentioning it to Jackson, because beyond it’s implied meaning of no (or little) sex, it carried with it another connotation: that sex and the body were not good things, but rather bad things to be avoided. Now on reflection, that was certainly a good way to freak him out, or at least make him wonder if I was sane. I’d have to try and correct that flub.
I looked in the mirror again wondering. Is this what a sexy man looks like? Well, I wasn’t going to go do some comparative research, but I guess I had to take Jackson at his word. I may not understand it, but he says I’m sexy, so I’ll try and accept that and see if I can get my mind around it. On the subject of sexy, I was already half hard, and if I kept standing here watching my cock grow in the mirror I’d end up with a real hard on, and then have to do something about it. Maybe sexy wasn’t such a foreign concept after all. At least when I entertained sexy thoughts about the boy I loved, or even looked at the response those thoughts engendered in the mirror: the response was sexy. Or at least sexual some way. Okay, enough already. Into the shower.
I made a fairly simple supper, and while eating realized that while I just needed some finishing touches on the sermon, I’d failed to get the Sunday Bulletin run off the mimeograph. I didn’t want to leave that for Saturday night after a long bike ride and maybe a sunburn. At least the consolation for a parsonage with the office in the house was that the equipment was here. After supper I carefully typed the mimeo stencil, printed the bulletins, and then decided reading wasn’t what I was up for, so turned on the TV and watched some mindless shows for an hour or so and then headed upstairs to bed.
As was now becoming usual, I woke up when I sensed he was in the room. This was becoming our routine, he’d come to me, sit and wait until I sensed he was there, then I’d wake with a feeling of joy, lift the sheet and he’d slip into bed next to me. I wrapped my arms around him, and he did the same and we hugged tightly like our life depended on it. I nuzzled his ear and kissed it and stuck my tongue in it and whispered how much I’d missed him, and he responded in kind.
I pulled back from him and just looked into his eyes. There was enough moon light in the room that his hazel eyes sparkled, though the green tint was muted. He smiled up at me and said, “Geez, Rev, it’s only been six hours, ya know!” I leaned down and bit his lip softly. “I know, but you know how absence makes the heart grow fonder, don’t you?” He giggled. I leaned back and kissed him, and his lips opened, and out tongues met, and we slowly began to penetrate each other’s mouths. So basic, so simple, so exciting. I rolled on top of him and was holding his head on either side with by hands, my weight held on my elbows and I passionately kissed him. I couldn’t get enough. It felt almost overpowering.
He was kissing me back for all he was worth, rubbing his hands up and down my back, running his fingers through my hair and pulling my head down onto him. There was so much passionate energy passing between us. Finally, I had to lean back and take a deep breath. We both just smiled gently and lovingly at each other.
“You know, don’t you?” I left the silly rhetorical question hanging right there.
“Do you mean, whether or not you love me,” he quipped?
“That is what I mean. I’ve never been that much on poetry but the words that come to mind are the beginning of an Elizabeth Barrett Browning poem: ‘How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. I love thee to the depth and breadth and height my soul can reach.’ That’s all I can remember of it.”
“That’s pretty righteous.” He paused. “I think we read that poem in English Lit last year, but I never thought I’d ever, ever have someone whisper that in my ear!”
“Trust me, neither did I, but here we are, and I’m madly in love and it’s thoughts and words and images like that that fill my brain. Do you think I have a fever?”
He grinned and then reached up and put a hand on my forehead. He wrinkled his brow like he was really pondering what he was sensing, and then with a straight face said, “No fever, Rev. Hot yes, in fact, very hot, but no fever.” Then he reached up and pulled me down for another kiss.
We were grinding on each other by now and I whispered, “we need to slow down a bit and not rush this.” He nodded and I rolled off him to the side and just ran my fingertips over and down his chest and abdomen. “You’re beautiful, in case you don’t know. I love every inch of you.”
I leaned over and kissed the middle of his chest, then licked out to one nipple, played with it a little with my tongue and then licked out to the other. I pulled back and looked at him, “No salt or sweaty taste there. I guess you took a shower too after all that mowing? You taste perfect, clean and fresh and wonderful.”
He just smiled, saying “I see you cleaned up too. That’s nice. I’m glad you want to go slow tonight. So do I.” He rolled my way and kissed me quickly and then leaned down and licked and then nibbled lightly on one of my nipples. I gasped, he kept going then did the same to the other nipple, then came up for air smiling. “You like it too, huh?” I just kissed him in response.
I was now stroking his abdomen, drawing circles with my fingertips on his hairless belly. I leaned up on one elbow and smiled at him. “Do you have any idea how soft and wonderful this feels?”
He grinned. “I bet it’s not as soft as a baby’s butt!”
I wasn’t going to be disconcerted. “If not, then it’s a close second. I don’t remember ever stroking a baby’s butt, so I’m going to settle for this, for my lover boy’s beautiful belly as the softest thing I’ve ever stroked.” Then I leaned down and licked his belly. He gasped, so I did it again, this time starting down by his pubes and licking up to his belly button. I knew already he had an innie and I stopped there and stuck my tongue into it and circled inside it a couple of times. He gasped again.
He wasn’t going to let me get ahead on this and clearly wanted to play it one for one. He reached up and softly laid his hand on my shoulder and pushed me down on the bed, leaned over and licked across my abdomen. I quivered. He looked me in the eyes and smiled. Then he leaned down and did what I’d done to him, licked up my belly from my pubes to my navel, stopping for a few licks, and then kept on going up to my chest and licked my nipples once again. “God you taste good,” he whispered.
As he said it, he reached down, and I could feel his fingertips starting to slip into my pubes. They were running though the hair, almost dancing in place. I moaned, and he took that for what is was worth and stroked down through the hair to the base of my cock. He was being purposefully slow. He didn’t really touch my cock or even push on it. It’s almost like as soon as he got to the base he stopped and pushed down at the base. I don’t know what I felt, something absolutely new to me, and I felt my back rise off the bed.
“So, you like that, huh Rev? That’s good to know. See how it makes your cock stand up straight?” He was grinning, then he repeated the stroking and pushed down again. I’d never felt something more stimulating in my life. “Oh my God,” I whispered to him. “What is that?” He said he didn’t know, but he wanted me to do it to him too.
I took his hand away and brought it up to my lips and kissed his fingertips. “Oh, I can do that, but first I have to kiss these beautiful instruments of such pleasure.” He chuckled at that. “Geez, Rev, I didn’t know you were such a romantic.” I ignored the comment and leaned down to kiss him while running my fingertips into his pubes and stroking him there, and slipping down to the base of his cock, and then pushing down on his pelvis at the base. His back rose too, and we both shared smiles of pleasure with each other. The fact that we were alternating back and forth meant we weren’t racing headlong into a violent and rushed climax, rather that we were pacing it and fully enjoying each other.
As I continued stroking his pubes, he looked at me and said, “I wish I had more there for you and a larger cock. I’ve never been too big in that department.” He’d said similar things before, and I thought maybe this was the time to address it. I knew he was just as hard as I was, even though I hadn’t felt his cock yet.
“My beautiful boy, you’ve said that before. Can I show you something?” He smiled and nodded his head. If you’d asked me what I was going to do I probably couldn’t have told you, but I knew it was right, or at least close to right.
I reached down and grasped his hard cock right at the base and closed my hand around it. He gasped and kept looking at me. “I want you to look down at my hand and your cock,” I whispered to him. He did.
“What do you see?” His brow wrinkled like he wasn’t sure what I was asking. I kept on, “Do you see that the head of your cock is sticking out above my hand?” He nodded. “Well, my hand is almost four inches wide and that means your cock is about five inches long. That means it’s perfectly normal for you. And you know what else, it’s beautiful.” I leaned down and kissed the head lightly and then turned back up and kissed his lips as I let go of his cock and wrapped him in a big hug.
“So, stop worrying about not being big enough. Even if you started puberty late, you’re well on your way, and you’ll be caught up and a hundred percent soon. Did you hear me? What you’ve got now is normal and it’s beautiful. It’s part of you and I love you, so I love it just the way it is. You’re not small or behind the power curve or whatever. Are you with me on that?”
He smiled and I thought I saw a tear forming in his eyes, but that was all. He kissed me back and said, “Thanks. I guess I needed to hear that. I need to let go of that hang up, don’t I?”
I just nodded. “As far as I’m concerned there’s nothing to be hung up about.” I slid my fingers down to his pubes and ran the tips through his hair, stopping at the base of his cock and pressing down again, this time a little harder. “Where did you learn to do this,” I whispered? He said he didn’t know, it just seemed like a good thing to do.
I replied, “See, that’s why I call you my lover boy.”
He smiled at that and I felt him reach down and run his fingertips along the length of my cock. When he got to the head he paused, and I felt him circle the head. Then he volunteered that he’d found precum and that I was right, it was a great lubricant. I leaned back to look at him and as if to make a point he brought his hand up to his mouth and sucked on his fingertips. His eyebrows were wiggling. I smiled back and before I knew it, he had his hand around my cock and was ever so softly stroking me up and down.
I couldn’t believe the sensations. It was like the foreplay and conversation we’d been having had made it even more intense and sensuous than the previous time. He seemed to know what he was doing. He kept an intense focus on my eyes, as if he wasn’t going to let them go, as if he wanted his eyes boring into mine as he brought me closer and closer to cumming. It worked. I couldn’t take my eyes away, the level of stimulus and passion just rose and rose and I kept thinking this can’t go on much longer, but he was stroking me so slowly that it did, and then as if he was reading me, just when I didn’t know if I could take any more, he stopped stroking my whole cock and put his fingertips on my precum-coated head, just slowly swirling around the head. That was over the top. I doubt I lasted ten seconds and shouted something unintelligible and came, shooting into the palm of his hand and then up onto my stomach.
I was breathless, laying there next to my lover boy, gasping for breath. He knew enough to leave go of my cock, and just settled for stroking his fingers through the cum pooled on my stomach. I lay there for a couple of minutes wondering if the effect of electrocution on one’s brain was the same as the climax I just had. I literally could barely think; all my brain circuits were shorted. Slowly everything started coming back together and I tipped my head sideways and just smiled at him and blew a kiss. No words were necessary.
In a minute I knew I was starting to gain back my senses and reached down and carefully and softly grasped his cock. I knew I wanted to give him as great an experience as he’d just given me. He was still hard, and I just held him, squeezing ever so softly and then I could feel his cock pulsing in response. He hadn’t softened while I came, but he’d been distracted and now he was back to full strength.
I leaned up on an elbow and whispered, “You’re my beautiful boy.” Then I slowly started stroking his cock like he’d done mine. After ten or twelve strokes, I purposefully leaned into his ear and whispered, “See how well your cock fits in my hand? It’s plenty big, Lover Boy.” He was silent and didn’t say a word.
I kept stroking, keeping my face close enough to his that in a minute I could feel his breathing start to increase and knew he was getting close. He didn’t have precum yet, and I wanted to give him the experience he gave me, but I wasn’t ready to take him in my mouth. Instead I made a mouthful of saliva and leaned down over his cock. I don’t know if he saw me and thought I might suck his cock or not, but I dribbled the saliva onto the head of his cock and then turned my hand so I could just stroke the head of his now well-lubricated cock with my fingertips. I swirled my fingertips and then stroked his head. It was less than thirty seconds when I heard his breathing get raspy and then “Oh God, arr……arrr….arghh……” and his back came off the bed and his pelvis bucked up into my hand as he came.
Most of his cum was in the palm of my hand and had run back onto his cock, so I very lightly stroked his cock head knowing he couldn’t take much of it. In only five seconds he was gasping and reached down to hold my hand still. I stopped and just held him, letting his cock soften in my hand, with his hand over the top of mine. It seemed so right.
Eventually he turned his face to mine and smiled and said “That was so good. How can it be so good? I don’t know why I deserve this?’
“Why do either of us deserve it,” I replied. “Only because we’ve got this love between us.” I leaned over and kissed him again. Then I slipped out of the bed and grabbed the old pillowcase and cleaned us up. I lay back down next to him and slipped my arm under his neck and pulled him to me in a passionate embrace while I pulled the sheet up over us.
I don’t know if we fell asleep momentarily or just lay there silently. Finally, he said to me, “How can it get any better than this?”
Initially I didn’t know what to say, but I did manage, “I don’t think it has to, I mean I’ve never felt anything like this and can’t really conceive how it could get any better. Any more intense and my brain might explode.”
He giggled at that. “Your hand feels way better than mine. But I thought you said you didn’t have that much practice.” I knew he was teasing now.
“I don’t probably compare to you, but whether it was you or me alone, it was each of us alone! We’re not alone anymore, we’re together and we’re giving pleasure to each other. That’s so much more fulfilling in both ways than taking care of yourself alone. At least that’s one of the things I’m finding out.”
“You know you kissed my cock, don’t you,” he asked?
“I do, and I don’t know what came over me. But, uhm, I did it out of love, you know. I told you I love every part of you.
“I do, but I thought you wanted to go slow and I thought you’d be afraid of that and other stuff.”
“I don’t think afraid is the right word, Jackson. It’s more like, I don’t know, it’s more like easing into it or going a step at a time, or maybe like a new flower opening up and unfolding a little at a time. What I do know, though, is that I love you more than I thought I could ever love anything, and I want to love you more and more in all the ways I can, and that it’ll just take time for me to get there. Is that Okay with you?’
He was facing away from me now, spooned back into me, and I’d bet there was a smile on his face, and I could feel his head nod as he whispered, “Sure is.”
We were asleep moments later.