Behind The Silver Screen
By Jerry Miller
After a deep and peaceful
slumber, I awoke to find Eric cuddled next to me, still asleep. I raised my arm
around him and pulled him closer. With his arm across my chest, I brought my
hand to his. I lay there for a while, remembering how great, our first night
together had been.
It was the beginning of something I wanted badly to hang on to. In my arms was Eric. The younger brother of Mike, the guy I had always thought would be the love of my life. I felt my eyes tear up as I thought back to how wonderful my time with Mike had been and the circumstances in which he had then left me. I felt myself begin to panic.
I felt Eric move. Looking up at me he said, "Good morning, sexy."
Everything was going so well. Was I going to screw this up by feeling this way?
Eric turned up and looked at me and asked, "Why are you crying, Mike?"
I turned away from him, "It's nothing."
Eric grabbed my arm and pulled me back to him. "I know better. You're crying and I know why."
"It's nothing," I protested.
"You've been thinking about Mike."
"No," I said as more tears fell down my face.
Eric's nude body climbed over mine and straddled me. I closed my eyes, not wanting to look at him. He leaned down on me and took my face in his hands.
"Michael, you listen to me," he said rubbing his hands on my face, his fingers wet from my tears. "Don't do this, not now." I thought I heard his voice crack.
"You'll leave me just like Mike did, won't you?" I said feeling the same fear I felt four years ago.
"Michael, look at me. Open your eyes and look at me," Eric said as tenderly as he could.
I couldn't bear to look at him, but I opened my eyes. His eyes were soft, but filled with concern. He bent down and kissed me. I felt his lips on mine. The kiss was soft and comforting.
"Mike, oh Mike. I won't ever leave you. My brother didn't leave you by choice. He loved you so much."
"He had a choice. I gave him one and he turned me down," I said, fighting the anger inside me.
"What choice did you give him?" Eric asked with obvious concern and bewilderment in his voice.
"I asked him to run to Canada with me, to hide until the war was over," I said, tears filling my eyes again.
Eric wiped the tears and asked, "He said no?"
"Did he tell you why?"
"Yeah. He said he didn't want to run."
Eric's fingers soothed my face, trying to relax me. He lowered his head next to mine.
"Do you really think, in your wildest dreams, that I would ever leave you?"
"I want to believe you won't so badly that it scares me. The last time I had a night like this it was with Mike."
Eric sighed, but I wasn't sure if he was frustrated with me or not. I reached around him and pulled him down to me.
"Mike, I know about your last night with him. I can only imagine how hard it was for my brother that morning. I heard him crying in his room that night. If you think in that stubborn brain of yours that Mike chose to leave you, you're crazy. And if you think in that stubborn brain of yours that I could ever, ever think about leaving you, you're even crazier."
Eric started kissing me, passionately. I felt myself giving in to his lips.
"I love you, Mike, and I want that man in there that showed what a man he was last night," he said, poking my chest.
I felt Eric moving his body over me, rubbing his cock against mine. I flipped him over and buried my face in his neck. I ground my own cock into his. He moaned as I sucked on his neck. His hands found my butt cheeks and he started to squeeze and rub them, urging me against him. Raising myself up, I looked at my lover's eyes and said, "I want to feel you inside me, now. Show me the man you are."
I rolled over on my back and Eric was on me in a flash.
"I'm going to show what you taught me last night and I'm going to make sure you beg me for more."
"If you don't, I will show you until you get it right," I said.
Eric began his assault on my body with tender kisses and soft, roaming hands. His lips followed down my chest and abdomen. Finding his dried cum on my body, he scraped some away with his fingernails. He found my hard cock and he engulfed it with his mouth. I moaned my approval. I reached over to the nightstand and grabbed the jar of Vaseline. I pushed it down towards him. I was counting on his 'quick learning' techniques to fill me with his love.
Eric stuck his fingers in the jar and pulled out a glob of jelly. He approached my ass as I lifted and parted my legs to give him complete access. A smile was plastered on his face as he began his probing of my anus. I felt his finger move in with more ease than I expected.
Then the second finger entered without much resistance. His mouth returned to my cock as he forced his third finger in. Using his fingers to search for my prostate, he stroked and jabbed until he found it. I sure let him know when he did.
He wasn't being rough with me, nor was he hurting me, he was just being sexually aggressive; he wanted so badly to take me, to make me his for both of us.
As I waited with intense anticipation of his first entry inside me, Eric moved into position. His cock covered with jelly, he pulled his foreskin back and pushed forward with his cock head at the opening of my rectum. The entry was swift and painless as he eased himself completely inside me. He leaned down to cover my mouth with his in a lustful kiss. I could feel his cock inside me. I clamped down on him and his eyes shot up at me.
"I'm never going to let you go, Eric. Never," I said, emphasizing my point with another clamp of my ass around his cock.
He smiled down at me as he started his intercourse of me. With slow, deliberate strokes, he filled me so tightly that I could feel his foreskin moving back and forth on his cock.
"I have never felt anything like this, Mike. Your ass is like a velvet glove on my dick."
I pulled him down for another kiss. He started to increase his pace and the more he scraped my prostate with his dick head, the more I knew I was going to cum without touching myself. I watched his face as I felt his intensity increase, his cock moving with much determination and forcefulness. He was close and his eyes revealed a look of awe and pleasure. His mouth fell open and he began to gasp for air.
I clamped down on his cock once more and Eric came inside me, hard. I felt the pressure of his ejaculations inside me and it sent me over as I shot cum all over myself. We floated in the blissful subsiding of our orgasm. Eric came for my mouth and covered it.
With Eric in my arms, his cock buried deep inside me, my own cock nestled between our abdomens. Finally, I was in heaven. All the worries I felt earlier were gone. He screwed them out of me, or at least I hoped he had. Nothing was more important to me at that moment than Eric.
"I'm sorry," I whispered.
Eric lifted his head so I could see the sincerity his eyes. "Trust me, Mike, always trust me. I understand your mixed emotions. I expected you to feel that way. I know it hasn't been like this for you since Mike. But, I'm here with you. Loving you. Caring for you. Understanding you, and since you opened the door to your heart to me, let me in all the way."
His words were not so much a plea, but a statement of commitment.
Eric had slipped out of me and was cuddling me in his arms. I buried my face in his neck and I cried. Not tears of sadness, but tears of happiness. He let me cry myself out as he held me. I had run the realm of emotions this morning. Sadness, joy and love. And now,
contentment. It felt nice to be in his arms. I knew his love for me was no infatuation. I knew, now, it was genuine. I knew I would submerge myself in it completely.
"I think we both really need to shower," Eric said.
"You don't like this, holding me?"
"I do, but I am feeling really sticky and grungy right now and it's distracting me from holding you."
"Hmm. It's your fault we are sticky and grungy."
Eric laughed and said, "I had some help."
We laughed as we headed for the bathroom. I stopped us and took him in my arms and kissed him. "I wanted this time with you to be so special and I had to mess it up. I'm sorry."
"Stop, Mike. Nothing is messed up. As long as we share ourselves, and I mean our feelings, our thoughts, our doubts, our dreams, it never will be messed up."
"Yeah, I agree."
"And as far as this time with you, everything was worth it. Everything."
I kissed him again. I loved kissing him.
"Just one more thing," I said. "I will beg for more."
A wide smile of pride spread about his face. His eyes sparkled and then that look of self-confidence soon flashed about him.
We showered and checked out of the hotel. Heading north on I-75 towards Dayton, our hands stayed glued to each other.
Eric and I decided to first see his mother. It was late morning, so we knew that we wouldn't be interrupting "Days Of Our Lives".
We entered the house and Eric immediately shot for his mother in the kitchen. They embraced as I stood at the doorway. How I missed having a close relationship with both my parents.
"Are you okay?" she asked Eric.
"Yes, Mom. More than just okay, I am fine," he said with a wink towards me that his mother caught as well.
Betty grabbed a coffee cup and I knew we would be having a talk, here at the kitchen table.
"So what are you guys going to do?"
"If Eric is in agreement, I will move to Kent with him. We will get an apartment not far from the campus. I will find a job and we can be together."
"Really, Mike? That's great," Eric said, surprised since we hadn't discussed it yet.
"If you think I am going to carry a long distance relationship with you, you're nuts."
Without a second thought, Eric came over to me and kissed me in front of his mother. I am sure she saw my face turn red.
"Relax, Mike. I think it's sweet," Betty said.
This time Eric got the red face. Betty and I just laughed. Eric punched my arm.
"So what about now? It's about six weeks before Eric goes back to school," Betty said.
I was thinking about that and I am sure, looking over at Eric, he was too.
"Mike, you can move in here with Eric and me. You can share his room."
I looked at Betty with more appreciation than I ever had before.
"That might seem a little too close to your room, Betty," I said. Eric looked hopeful.
"It's okay, Mike. I usually sleep on the couch anyway. Another six weeks of it isn't going to kill me."
Eric went over this time to his mother and kissed her. "Thanks, Mom."
"I think this calls for a 'celebration dinner'. Haven't had one of those in a long time. You guys can invite anyone you want, but I figure it will be Ben and his family mostly."
"Yeah, that sounds great," I said.
"Yeah," echoed Eric.
"Well, Mike," Betty said, "You two go get your stuff and move in here."
Eric and I were up and out of there in a flash. It was about a twenty-five minute drive to my house in Shiloh. I drove down Markey Road to Briarcliff and turned right. I parked in the drive way and told Eric I wouldn't be long. My mother's car was in the garage, so I knew she was home.
I entered the front door. My mother was sitting there reading one of her library books. My mother loved to read.
"Hi," I said. "I'm moving out again."
"Hi, I'm glad you're home so we can talk before you do."
I immediately became suspicious of her. I sat down in one of the high back chairs.
"Okay," I said.
"I'm going to ask you a question that I have wanted to ask for a long time," she said like she had rehearsed this before. "Are you homosexual?"
I had been expecting this question for a long time, probably as long as it had been for her to ask. I didn't answer right away. I wanted to give myself a chance to breath.
"Why are you asking now?" I asked.
"It's your father. He's asking me."
"So, he couldn't actually come to me and ask?"
"You know your father."
"Mom, I really don't know my father. I never got the chance."
"You never got the chance because you shut him out."
"Oh really? I think he shut me out a long time ago, long before I gave up on him."
"He loves you."
We sat there looking at each other. The silence, though brief, was heavy with words that hadn't been spoken but needed to be.
"Mom, he never took an interest in anything I wanted to do. It was always what 'he' wanted to do. Nothing was ever good enough for him. My grades, my choices, my interests, my work, even me."
"That's not true."
"Yes it is. Finally, I just stopped trying so hard to please him. I started pleasing myself and didn't care what he thought anymore. Besides he had Jimmy to buddy up with. They have more in common."
My brother Jimmy had always been the favorite for both my parents. He was the miracle baby. My mother had been diagnosed with thyroid cancer while she was pregnant with him. The doctors wouldn't have caught the cancer in time if she hadn't been pregnant. In that way, he saved her life.
"Oh, and to answer your question, Mom. I am gay."
My mother sighed. I wasn't sure if it was from disappointment or exasperation.
"When your friend died four years ago, he was more than just a friend, wasn't he?"
"Mike was my lover, Mom."
"Oh Michael, I knew it. Somehow I knew your grief for him was deeper than you let on," she said with much heart-felt sympathy. "A mother knows these things."
"I've heard that one before. From Mike's mother."
Mom eyed me. I could see her minding clicking away all the questions that she had always wanted to ask.
"I watched you mope around here until you left for Indianapolis. I had hoped you would find some peace there. Then you came back and now you are leaving again."
"I have someone in my life again, Mom."
"I take it he was the reason you stayed out all night last night?"
"I'm twenty-two, Mom."
"I know you are. It just wasn't like that when I was your age. Who is he?"
"His name is Eric. He's out in the car. Would you like to meet him?" I offered, thinking she would never go for it.
"Yes, I would."
I got up and went out to Eric. He was standing outside the car, leaning against the fender. I told him want was going on and he came in with me.
"Mom, this is Eric. Eric, this is my mother."
"It's nice to meet you Eric. Come here and sit by me," she said.
I wondered what I had just got Eric into.
"Tell me how you met my son, Eric."
Eric looked my way, his eyes pleading with me and all I could do was smile at him.
"Well, Mrs. Brown, I met Mike through my brother actually."
"That's nice," she said.
I let her stew for a few moments before I hit her with it. "Mom, Eric is Mike's brother."
My mother's eyes widened as that little revelation sank in. She turned to Eric and said, "I'm sorry about your brother. I can only imagine how terrible losing him was. I watched Michael grieve for him, though he didn't know it."
Eric smiled and thanked her.
"How long have you too been seeing each other?" she asked.
"Just a few days," Eric said.
Mom looked surprised. In her own Victorian way, I knew that didn't settle well with her.
"Mom, I have known Eric since Mike died. We have been friends that long. It was only recently that we discovered each other, so to speak," I said, smiling at Eric.
Mom turned again towards Eric, "What is that you find attractive about my son?"
Poor Eric, I thought.
"Mrs. Brown, I found Mike attractive since I first met him. But not in the way I am sure you are thinking at the moment. Mike and I met at my brother's funeral. Since my mother had told me before of my brother and Mike's relationship, I watched him closely and found in him someone who was so endeared to my brother, that it touched my own heart. I wondered how my brother, though straight mind you, fell for Mike."
My mother looked over at me. Her eyes' expression was one of sadness.
"I wanted to get to know Mike, your son, more than anything. I'd known that I was gay a long time before I met Mike and though I didn't have any romantic thoughts at the time, I needed to find his connection to my brother, one that I knew nothing about. In the years that followed, Mike would come to the house and visit my mother and me. Listening to his words about his life, the way he isolated himself from most people, I knew that Mike had been truly in love with my brother," he said the last sentence looking at me.
Turning back to my mother he said, "I told my mother I was gay before I went to college last year. I told her I was in love with Mike, too. Mike, innocent guy that he is, didn't know until I told him this past Sunday."
My mother is book smart. She reads anything she can get her hands on. Her thinking now is more liberal than my father's would ever be. She took Eric's hands in hers.
"If you make Mike happy, that's all I can ask." Then turning to me she said, "Your father will have none of this since he doesn't like homosexuals."
"You and Dad never taught me to discriminate against anyone. That's hypocritical"
"I know," she said quietly.
"I'm moving in with Eric and his mother and then, when he goes back to school, I will be going with him."
"I understand," she said. "Don't think I am all that much of a prude. I can see the love Eric has for you. He seems to glow when he talks about you."
Eric started to turn every shade of red imaginable. I had to fight myself from laughing at out loud at him.
"I can see how you feel about him. I'm okay with this, Mike."
"Are you, Mom?"
She released Eric's hands and we went upstairs to my room. I closed the door, and took Eric in my arms and kissed him before he could say anything.
Eric had parked the car and turned off the ignition. I looked out into the darkness in the direction of Mike's grave. I felt Eric take my hand.
"It's been quite a day for you, Mike. It's been nearly a year since you brought me here. You tried to help me connect with my brother and I did. Since most of today has been for you, remembering Mike and what you two had, I thought you would need to talk to him."
"I didn't even know until you pulled onto Main Street that I felt the need to talk to him."
"We promised each other last year, to share everything. I'm going with you."
"I want you to, Eric." I leaned over and kissed him. Not just a peck but a kiss.
We both got out of the car. I stood in front of it as Eric went to the trunk and brought out a flashlight.
I had a sudden feeling that tonight I was going to let Mike go, completely, and Eric was going to make sure I did.
The end of Chapter 17