CHAPTER 20 - Graduation
My family noticed Ryan's absence when he didn't show for the second Sunday in a row, but it was only Dad who said anything, and all he said was that he was sorry. He guessed why Ryan wasn't there.
I knew that Ryan was supposed to have a guitar recital on the third Sunday in February, and I thought that I would be able to sneak into the back of the studio to watch without being noticed. But there weren't that many people. When I came in, Ryan's Mom and Dad were in the front rows greeting people. When his Mom saw me, she gave me a smile and said something to Uncle James who never even turned in my direction. The back of his neck turned scarlet.
But Ryan's mom walked up the aisle to where I had taken a seat up the back. “Sean,” she said. “We want to thank you for getting Ryan into guitar and encouraging us to get him lessons. I guess you already know, but he is very, very good. His instructor sent one of his tapes to a music school in New England, a boarding school, and they would like him to come.”
“That's wonderful,” I managed to stammer out.
“Well, we think we'll keep him at home for a while longer.” She smiled at me. “I've got to get back to my seat now. Thank you, again Sean.” She started to leave and then turned back. Quite seriously, she said to me, “I know my three boys, Sean. I think Ryan would be living entirely in his brother's shadow if he had not met you. I only wish the best for you, Sean.”
I was shaken. It was one thing to not be able to see Ryan while he was still in the same town. It was quite another thing to imagine him on the east coast. At least, if he didn't leave before the fall, I would be with Daniel.
I left while Ryan was receiving a standing ovation and as soon as I was home, I wrote Ryan a letter about how much I enjoyed his concert and how very well he played, not just technically, but stylistically. I sent an extra program that I had picked up and asked him to sign it for me and mail it back. It was never returned.
There was one piece of mail that I did receive at the end of February. Daniel called to warn me to intercept a package that he had sent before anyone else in the family opened it. I watched the mailbox and was first to the mail the day that the package came. In the privacy of my bathroom, I looked at the pictures we had taken that day at Daniel's house; the pictures of Daniel, Ryan, and me.
Some were just snapshots, but a couple were extraordinarily erotic and a couple simply beautiful. If memory serves me correctly, apart from the pictures taken of Ryan when he was asleep in my lap, the best pictures were those taken by Ryan himself.
I had a devil of a time deciding where to hide them, and in the end, taped them in two packages to the back of my dresser drawers. And I was emphatic with Daniel that the negatives needed to be burned, or at least, exceptionally well hidden.
There was no way I'd throw my copy of the pictures away. To see Daniel like that again, in my arms… I looked at them several times the first few days I had them. And after that, I threw myself with even more dedication into my cross-country training and my studies. I was determined to earn a scholarship to UT. I was determined that we would be together.
And even though the time I had spent in Houston over Christmas reassured me of his love, I still worried. From Daniel's phone calls and letters, it sounded like the parties were getting even bigger. Robert's parents were often away and many of the parties were at his house. There were more parties, and more guys at the parties, with couples and triples disappearing en masse into bedrooms all night long.
I was concerned for Daniel, and worried about drugs. But he always promised me that he just did a little weed and alcohol. Yet that last week in February, I discovered that there was something he was getting addicted to. We were on the phone.
“There are so many gay guys our age up here, Sean. Cute ones. And it's incredible,” he said, “the feeling I get when I walk into a room full of guys and all their heads turn my way. And when I'm talking to someone at a party, I'm always aware of guys watching me. When I undress, or even just go without a shirt, guys admire my body. When I have sex with one of them, their hands are all over me like I'm some kind of god. It's like being a star. I'm a star here in Houston gayland. And I can have any guy, any time. So I try different guys all the time. It's like sampling chocolates.”
“You can overdo chocolate,” I pointed out.
“You know what I mean. It's just incredible. You need to come up for the weekend again. I can show you a much better time than last time.”
My coach thought I had a chance at winning state, so I focused on cross-country training. And I buried myself in my studies. At night, I'd lie on my bed, imagining what it would be like to win state, to run across the finish line with crowds cheering. Or I'd imagine what it would be like to run for UT; to be on a world class cross-country team. And when I would feel tired or depressed, I would remind myself that Daniel and I would be together at UT and imagined the fun that we would have there.
All I had to do was earn a scholarship. And cross-country was going to do it for me.
Colin visited my bed once in February, and once at the beginning of March. It wasn't nearly the same as being with Daniel, or even Ryan. But it was a lot better than my hand; a hell of a lot better.
The beginning of March brought another new development. It began one afternoon when Jorge and I were running after school. I had to stop and tie my shoe, but told Jorge to keep running, thinking I could catch him fairly easily.
We were running in just shorts. As I came up on him from behind, I noticed again, his slim lines, narrow hips, long legs and torso, and the muscles working in his back and legs. I suddenly wanted him; I missed having a lover.
As I pulled alongside, I asked Jorge, “You remember inviting me over a couple of times to visit your house?”
“Or to sleep over. Sure.”
“Does the offer still stand?”
“You bet. This weekend?”
“Sounds good,” I answered. And I stayed with Jorge for the entire run, rather than pull ahead after a couple of miles as I usually did. It was a long run, twice the competitive distance.
We had started running, after warming up with the rest of the track and field team. And it was late when we finished. It was just Jorge and me when we hit the showers.
“The showers” was actually a large tiled room with two showerhead trees around which guys showered as a group. No one else was there, but Jorge and I both went to the same tree on the right. It was late enough that only the janitor would be left, and I knew from past experience that he would be working classrooms right now.
When Jorge bent over to soap down his legs, I put my hand on his back. He stood up and turned to me, a surprised smile on his face. I stepped closer, and he let me. I put a hand on his hip and firmly pulled. He came to me. Our waists pressed together; our cocks and balls dangled against each other. Jorge smiled and reached behind me to place both hands on my shoulder blades. He pulled me towards him. We kissed and our erections rose into each other's balls.
Jorge's cock was long, thick and uncut. I separated our bodies enough to straighten our cocks up between our bellies, and I stroked him, sliding the thick skin back and forth over his shaft. He leaned into me and let out a contented sigh.
I kissed Jorge, backing him against the wall. I wasn't sure what I had in mind to do together; I just needed a male body to respond to and to respond to mine. It was Jorge who decided what we would do. Standing on his left leg, he lifted and wrapped his right leg around me; his calf resting just above my butt. Then he rose up on his left toe, and reaching under, grabbed my soapy cock, and guided it toward his hole. When I realized what he was doing, I bent my knees a little, to get the right angle. Jorge guided me in.
There, pressing him against the wall, one of his long legs wrapped over my butt, I fucked Jorge.
Soap was not the best lubricant and I had the impression that Jorge hadn't done this much. Once in, though, we moved well, my hands on his hips, his at the sides of my neck. He leaned back against the wall and I leaned back from where we were joined so we could both watch where our bodies met. And I stroked Jorge with one hand.
He made love elegantly, gracefully; his long lines moving with me as I ground up into him. And he felt so good; his body meeting mine, his hands on my shoulders, his cock in my one hand, my other hand on his butt, and he was so warm inside.
My balls swung with my thrusts. They felt good in the open air. But then they drew up and I felt my orgasm churning deep under the root of my cock.
I wrapped my arms around the back of his waist and held him tightly, and then I shot into Jorge, rocking up on my toes to penetrate as deeply as I could.
As my climax died away, I rested my cheek against his. “Thanks,” I said, sighing. “You have no idea how good that was.”
Then Jorge kissed me and he started stroking his cock between us.
“I can finish you with my mouth,” I said and started to pull out.
“No,” he stopped me. “Stay in me.” His eyes were shut tight and he stroked rapidly. I pushed up with my hips to bury myself again, all the way back into him. After a few feverish strokes, he sprayed a fountain of cum between us.
With a sigh, he lowered his leg, and I pressed him back to the tile wall with my body. Our bellies and chests were slick with water and his cum. I kissed him and left my lips lightly touching his. “I'm sure glad you're my cross-country teammate,” I whispered.
He sighed. “You're the only reason I'm running. But I almost gave up on anything happening.”
I kissed him again. “Thanks for waiting.”
And then I frowned. It would be wrong to lead Jorge on. But he read my thoughts. “Don't worry,” he said. “I'm not expecting anything. I know about you and Daniel.” He smiled. “It isn't hard to figure out; you spending so much time with him before he moved away, and the trips you make to Houston. It's not like I'm all in love, so relax. It's just that, you know, a guy gets horny. And there aren't that many cool guys around here; at least not that I think would be cool with what we just did. I just hoped you'd want to do something sometime. I even hoped you could show me some things.”
“Show you a few things,” I said with a grin, relaxing. “I think you just showed me one.”
The next day, when we were running, Jorge told me that he had only messed around with a cousin a couple of times when he was about thirteen. They mainly jerked and did a little sucking. They had butt fucked one time. When they did, they were facing each other and his cousin just pulled one of Jorge's legs up around his hip, lubed with saliva, and pushed in. It was all that Jorge knew to do when I came at him in the shower. I made Jorge a promise - I would teach him some new things.
Jorge's house was not a large one, but he had his own room. There were three sisters younger than himself, and his mom. His dad worked on an off-shore oil rig. Jorge had a room and bathroom over the garage.
The first night I slept over, we left for Jorge's room right after supper and stayed there until late the next morning. He wanted to try everything and it was fun to teach him.
Jorge didn't simply meet some sexual need. He meant much more than that. We had been running together for months and had become friends. In many ways, he was my only friend. Daniel was in Houston. Ryan might as well have been. I had spent all my time with Daniel the year before; and this year I dedicated myself to running and studies. I didn't date. And when I had stayed in Houston with Daniel, instead of going out for football, all my old buddies had moved on without me.
When Jorge and I started our cross-country training, we stayed in the boy's phys-ed locker room while Aaron, Stef and the others remained in the varsity locker room after football. So even when they were running track at the same time as we were running, we barely saw each other except at school.
Aaron stayed the friendliest of my old buddies. He'd become a real hunk and the girls loved him, but he still threw his arm over my shoulder to talk, and he sat with me in classes. And though Stef was the same ol' Stef, we hadn't been close since Daniel and I started in together. I figured that was my fault. Maybe I could have made more of an effort, but at the time, Daniel was all I could think about. And so, by that spring, I had become a loner.
A loner, that is, except for Jorge, in whose arms I comforted myself when I began to miss Ry, and when Daniel's calls and letters began to mention a guy named Jimmy.
From Daniel's phone calls and letters, I was able to form a picture of Jimmy in my mind. He was twenty, not in college, a karate instructor. “Not one of those guys who's learned a few dance steps and gotten a black belt; this guy is the real thing,” Daniel told me.
“A few dance steps?” I wondered. It sounded like Daniel was parroting something he'd heard Jimmy say.
Jimmy evidently had dark good looks and plenty of body hair, which Daniel evidently liked, to my disappointment. Unless I was to glue some on, I didn't stand a chance in that department. At least his cock sounded smaller and Daniel had always liked my cock. But a cock never made a relationship.
Daniel met Jimmy at one of Robert's parties and they hit it off immediately. Maybe more than that; it sounded like Jimmy fell hard for Daniel. They started to hang together, `just until the summer.'
I didn't receive a letter from Daniel either of the last two weeks in March. And he missed two of our regular calls.
In those days we didn't have spring break during high school. But I hoped for an invitation from Roger to fly me up for a visit over the short, Easter weekend. I even invited Daniel down, hoping he'd come, or invite me up there. But Daniel had already accepted an invitation to another friend's lake house.
Roger may have said everything was still alright between us, but neither he nor Mary called, and no invitation to visit came from them. It looked like I wouldn't see Daniel before summer.
Perhaps it shouldn't have been a surprise when Daniel asked if it would be OK for Jimmy to come on the bike tour with us, but it was. I was surprised, disappointed, and worried. Was I losing Daniel? It worried me even more when it became obvious that if I said no to Jimmy, Daniel might say no to the tour.
And so I called Peter and Alan, and told them they would be welcome to come with us after all. I spent the next two weekends sleeping over at Jorge's after meets. I made love to him to try and take my mind off worrying about Daniel and Jimmy. I made love a lot; poor guy, but he enjoyed it.
There was some good news that spring. In early April, I placed second in State in cross-country. A couple of the UT coaches scouted me. One even told me that I had more potential than the guy who came in first place; with a lot of work, of course. “You've got speed, Sean,” they told me. “But you also have distance and good form for an endurance runner. You come to UT and we'll make you an exceptional runner.”
Dad and I returned to Austin the next weekend, to visit the UT campus and meet with the cross-country coach, the financial aid office, and an academic advisor.
The campus was sprawling, with large buildings everywhere, and literally thousands of students and instructors. Half those thousands of students were male, young, and damn good looking. It was a bit overwhelming for a small town guy.
The scouting coaches gave me a tour of the athletic facilities and showed me the dorm where I would most likely be staying. The facilities were state of the art. The coaches were the best in their field. For the first time in my life, someone suggested I consider training for the Pan Am games, or even the Olympics. And I dared to dream - with coaches like these, and the right training... I knew I could run, and run fast for a long time. Maybe, just maybe I could really be someone.
The cross-country team would also give me a smaller group to belong to within such a huge student body, and an elite group at that. To top it off, my financial aid officer at UT was optimistic that he could put together funding for a full-ride, most of which would be athletic scholarship for cross-country.
Among other handouts, he gave me copies of the school newspaper to read later. When I had time to look them over, I saw ads for gay groups. And I had the thought that UT was one awfully huge box of chocolates and that it would be damn good for me to be there with Daniel, to help him control his cravings.
I had promised my Mom that Dad and I would stop by at Trinity on the way home. Trinity was the school my Granddad had offered to pay for. In spite of myself, I liked it. I liked San Antonio first of all. But I also liked the school. Even though it was a Sunday, the person who would be my academic advisor had arranged to meet us and gave Dad and me a tour of the campus. It was small, but modern and attractive. It was far more comfortable for me than sprawling UT.
The advisor had prepared for us. Not only had he been able to arrange a scholarship offer, composed of academic as well as athletic components, he had also been talking to the honors program and said he could get me into their special general studies program. That was something since the academic level at Trinity was very high to begin with.
And to cap it off, we had an early supper with one of the professors. He was also a novelist; one I had actually read. He talked about teaching me the various arts to writing, and we talked way past the time that was scheduled. We liked authors in common and I understood the points he made. I liked him a lot.
I left Trinity sad that I couldn't go to both schools. But UT was where Daniel would be and UT was where I could make the most of my running. After working so hard, for so long, to go anywhere other than UT would be a major disappointment.
I worried about it. And I worried about Daniel. It had begun to sound like Jimmy was running their relationship and a bit possessively at that; dragging Daniel off to backrooms to be alone at the start of almost every party. When Daniel and I did talk, Jimmy, or more specifically, the parties and dates they went to together, always came up.
At the end of April, the parents of Jennifer Perez, another senior, held one of the last of the senior parties, and I was invited. People had come to consider me a loner, and I hadn't had many invitations that spring. I wasn't that good a friend of Jennifer's, so I credited the invitation to my placing second at State in Cross-Country. That had earned me some momentary notoriety around town.
The party was to be a swim party, and since their pool was heated, the end of April wasn't too early, especially in South Texas. The night before, I decided I better dig up a swimsuit, and when I found the red swim briefs that Daniel had bought for me the year before, I had to try them on.
The fit was snug, but mainly in the crotch. My waist was as small as or smaller than it had been the year before. I studied myself from several angles in our bedroom mirror and was pleased. I was fitter than I ever imagined I could be. The running had taken my body fat down to almost nothing and every muscle showed.
Turning in front of the mirror, I flexed the long muscles in my legs and then stretched up to my full height, lengthening my trunk. I was lean, my butt was firm, and I filled the pouch almost obscenely. The top of the suit barely cleared my pubes and the “V” of my abdomen dove into it, leaving little, inviting gaps to either side between my skin and the suit. Other than golden leg hairs, I was smooth, and fairly tanned. I chuckled as I imagined wearing the suit to the party. It'd be almost like going naked.
That's when Colin walked in.
“Oh shit! Is that a swimsuit?” he asked.
“Yeah,” I said, putting my hands on my hips and turning for him. “Got it last year for the bike tour.”
“Did you actually wear it? In public?”
I laughed. “Not much.” I walked back over to my dresser and began digging for another swimsuit. “I got sidetracked. I was looking to find a suit for Jennifer's pool party tomorrow.”
Colin's hand pressed my butt and I looked up to find him grinning widely. “You ought to wear this one,” he said. “You'd blow the party away. Damn,” he said, rubbing his hand over the back of my suit and then up the bare skin of my back. “Damn,” he repeated. “You really should wear it. I bet it'll be all over school next week. Hey,” he exclaimed, looking up, “I bet you get a good lay out of it.”
“OK,” he said, stepping around in front of me. “Maybe you don't want a good lay. But damn, you ought to wear this.” Then he cupped my balls. “I mean,” he said, “I can't even keep my hands off.” And then he reached into my suit.
When I went to the party, I wore shorts over the swimsuit, not sure I'd even take the shorts off. It felt sexy as hell just to have the suit on, and it wasn't like I really needed to impress anyone. I wasn't interested in the girls who'd be at the party and Jorge wouldn't be there.
But then, when I got there no one really talked to me. Oh, people said, “Hi,” and they were friendly, but they were all with their usual friends, or paired up. Aaron was between girlfriends, but that never slowed him down. He was hanging around Jennifer.
I watched him for a moment while he leaned back on the wall and drank a soda. Aaron had grown taller in the last couple of years. And he looked strong. He was also quieter now. Oh, he was still a horn dog, but he was self-assured, masculine, hot looking; and he knew it. He looked older than any of us, like he already belonged in college. He saw me watching and winked.
Stef sat with his girlfriend, Nina, up on the patio. I drifted over and sat with them. Stef had been accepted to Tech and was happy about it. Maybe that's why it was almost like old times talking to him.
Then people started to swim. And I got the perverse urge to show off Daniel's swimsuit. So I pulled off my shirt first, and was pleased when both Stef and Nina gave my torso a good look over. And then I pulled off the shorts and smoothed the waistband of the suit. I thought Nina's eyes would pop out. Stef's mouth dropped. Fighting a smile, I turned and walked casually to the edge of the pool.
Suddenly it got quiet, very quiet. Maybe, I decided, the suit was too much. Maybe it was like going naked. I couldn't imagine people reacting much differently if I did. I quickly jumped in and swam toward the other side.
Conversation slowly returned to normal though I saw people sneaking surreptitious looks at me. I began to think I'd been really stupid. I could imagine what Dad would say when he heard. But then Stef jumped in and swam to me, and before long, others drifted closer, including girls. And suddenly, I was popular.
After a while, I almost forgot that I had the suit on, except that I kept seeing eyes drop to it and back up. Girls flirted. Guys were friendly. When they served supper, I was tempted to just stay in the suit, but decided to wrap my towel around me… but low, so that the top of the towel was about where the top of the suit came to.
Aaron came up beside me while I was waiting for the food line to go down and threw his arm over my shoulder. “Shit, Sean,” he said, chuckling under his breath. “You want some girl to rape you. You look hot as hell in those speedos. I need to get me a pair of those.”
“Ha!” I said. “As if you ever needed any help. How's it going with Jennifer?”
“Well it was going alright until you got naked,” he said and punched my ribs. “She couldn't take her eyes off you. I stared, too,” he said quietly, with a wry smile. He pulled my neck closer in the crook of his arm; a good buddy kind of move. “You've gotten quite a body since we used to mess around.”
I shrugged, enjoying the friendliness. “I like bicycling and running. Tends to burn up the calories.”
He dropped his arm and bumped my shoulder with his. “Burying your sorrows?” he asked. “No Daniel around. You guys were still doing each other weren't you?”
I shrugged again. “We aren't all great with the ladies, Aaron.”
“You could be,” he said with a raised eyebrow, and when I said nothing, he walked toward the food.
That was Friday night. The next afternoon, Aaron showed up at my door for the first time in ages. “Come on,” he said. “I'm going out to my uncle's ranch to feed his cattle this weekend while he's away. Come with me. I'll bring you back tomorrow.
I was surprised, and pleased. It'd be nice to spend some time with Aaron again and Jorge had something planned with his family. So I checked with Dad and quickly packed a bag.
“The ranch” was several hundred acres of mesquite brush with a windmill well and an old travel trailer. A large, round, concrete cattle tank held water pumped from the well. A half-barn held hay and bins of grain. And the area around the trailer had been cleared and flattened like a swept yard. There was a grill, and under a spreading mesquite tree were several metal yard chairs.
Aaron had brought steaks for grilling, tortillas, canned beans, and beer. Quite a bit of beer.
We grilled and ate, then fed grain to the cattle. And afterward, we sat on the tailgate of his truck and drank beer as the sun set and the breeze became cooler.
At first, Aaron had asked about my running and about the State track meet. He asked about UT and told me about his plans for going to UT Pan Am close by in Edinburg.
We drank steadily, and though I didn't try to keep up with him, I felt the mellowing affect of the beer. When he lay back in the bed of the pick up to drink his beer and watch the stars, I lay back beside him.
We grew quiet and watched the stars disappear and appear behind low, thin clouds. “What's it like?” he asked. “Is it like going with a girl? You and Daniel?”
“No,” I said. “I don't think so.” I chewed my lip and paused as a gust of wind blew through the mesquite trees. “It's more like being in love with your best friend.”
“In love?” he asked quietly.
“Yeah, Aaron. Definitely in love.”
“Does that mean like, you guys don't mess around with anyone else any more?”
I chuckled ruefully. “Not hardly. Not with him up there and me down here. No, we mess around.”
“You too? Who with now that Daniel's… oh wait, oh yeah… gotta be. You and Jorge, right?”
I shrugged. “Don't tell anybody, OK?”
“I won't,” he said, laying his hand on my hip.
I rolled my head to look at him and he turned to look at me. I expected a smile, but he looked… hungry.
“I still think about it,” he said. “About when we used to mess around.”
“You're a horn dog,” I said smiling. “You always think about sex.”
He rolled up on his side toward me. “I think about you,” he said, laying a hand low on my stomach. “And the things we did. Sometimes I even think about it when I'm with a chick.” He stared down into my eyes. “And when I saw you last night… damn, Sean. You looked so fine.” He slowly rubbed my stomach and his eyes bore down into me. “Do you and Daniel ever kiss?” he asked.
I nodded. This wasn't at all the Aaron I remembered; not the tear your clothes off bounce around on the bed Aaron. I nodded. “Yes. We kiss.”
Aaron rubbed his finger over my lips. “I've never kissed a guy,” he said quietly. “I've wondered what it's like. I've wondered what it's like to kiss you.”
Aaron's hand was strong. He was strong. And he seemed so much older and more serious than he had almost two summers before. He slowly leaned over me, removed his finger from my lips, and replaced it with his own.
His kiss was surprisingly tender, but as a strong man is tender. He wrapped an arm under the back of my neck and held my shoulder with the other. He kissed me again, and the kiss lingered and grew. I put a hand behind his neck and kissed him back. Our mouths opened and he moved over me.
That night, he made love to me like he would to a girl, no, to a woman. The way he moved, the things he said, the way his hands and lips moved over my body - he made me feel like my body was something incredible, and that it gave him great pleasure. And he pleasured me, with strokes and lips and caresses. When he was ready to mount me, I was more than ready to yield to him. He entered me face to face, wrapping me in his arms. And he took me like a man takes a woman.
I arched under him when he filled me, and he buried his mouth in my neck. We moved together in the dark, under the stars and in the breeze, and made love far into the night.
I woke in the morning on the bed we had shared inside the trailer. I woke when Aaron sat down beside me, his naked body strong and sleek in the morning light. He smiled and rubbed my hip.
Yawning, I stretched and he looked approvingly up and down my body.
So I held the stretch for him.
He ran his hand over my stomach and I clutched his fingers when I relaxed from my stretch. “Aaron,” I said quietly. “Last night wasn't just messing around.”
He slid down on the bed, resting with his arm over my chest. “I didn't intend it to be,” he said. He smiled slightly. “I like girls, Sullivan. I'll always like girls. But even back when we used to mess around, I liked what we did. And when you and Daniel started hanging together… man, I kept imagining what you two were doing. And I… well I wanted to do it, too. Especially with you. You know, I've always liked you.”
“Aaron,” I said, reminding him. “Daniel and I are going to be together at UT. We're going to stay together.”
He bent down and placed his mouth on my right nipple, and he sucked it gently, watching my face as he did. I moaned. “Damn, Aaron, you sucked me there last night till I was sore.”
He lifted his head with a smile. “I like tits,” he said.
“I don't have `tits' you fuckup! I'm a guy.”
He licked my nipple. “You have better tits than a girl,” he said. “You have nice little pecs.” He licked my nipple, kissed it, smiled. “Why don't you fall in love with me? We could go to Pan Am together, do girls together, and do each other.” Then he sucked my nipple again, watching me.
Running my fingers into his hair, I tried to lift him off my nipple, but he resisted and I felt him chuckle.
“You asshole,” I gasped, laughing, and tried to squirm away.
He growled and shook his head, twisting my nipple.
I pulled up my knees and yelped. “Damn, Aaron, if you do this to girls, it's a wonder any have a breast left.”
He laughed and moved up on me, wrapping his arms tightly around me, squeezing me, nose to nose, and he stretched his body out on mine. I went cross-eyed trying to focus on his happily grinning face.
“There are a lot of things I can do with you that I can't with girls,” he said and kissed my chin. “And I've been wanting to do them for a long time.”
“So is that why you brought all the beer last night? To get me drunk enough to seduce?”
“No,” he said, putting his cheek against mine. “It was to get me drunk enough to seduce you.”
“Well,” I said, working my arms free enough to rest my hands on the small of his back, “it worked.” My erection was growing along with his and I jerked it lightly against him with my pelvic muscles. “It worked damned well. It's no wonder girls can't resist you.”
He buried his mouth in my neck and grunted, rubbing himself against me.
“Damn, Aaron,” I said, gasping. “Are you turning gay?”
He froze and I wondered if I had gone too far, but then he surprised me.
“I don't know,” he said quietly, relaxing his arms around me, relaxing on to me. “I like this…” He kissed my cheek, then lightly on my ear. Then he tongued my ear.
“Ah!” I gasped, squirming under him.
“I like this a lot,” he said before pushing his tongue back into my ear.
“Do you like it as much as with a girl?” I asked with a low moan.
He didn't answer right away, other than to keep tonguing my ear. I rolled my hips enough for my cock to straighten, then clutched at the strong muscles of his back, spreading my legs for him to settle between.
“Yeah,” he said, huskily. “I like it a lot. I like it with you.” He moved higher on me and wrapped his arms around my head, nibbling my ear. His muscular body rested on mine, covering me, warm, solid - damned solid.
Our mouths met, and we kissed deeply, disregarding morning after beer breath. “Sean,” he whispered in my ear. “You and Jorge ever do it with anyone else? You know, like a three way?”
“Man, I don't know about that, Aaron,” I said. “Jorge's kind of a quiet guy, and we're like, good friends.”
He kissed me again, plunging in with his tongue, grinding his hardness against me. “Did I tell you?” he said. “You're one hell of a kisser.” Then he brushed his lips over mine. “Better than any girl I ever kissed.”
“Well,” I said, breathlessly, “you're damn good yourself.”
“And,” he said, kissing down my neck, “you suck better cock than any girl.” Then he chuckled. He licked down the center of my belly and backed down until he was kneeling between my legs. “Now,” he said, sliding his hands under my butt, “let me try.” He lifted my butt like I didn't weight a thing, and held my hips up as he bent over me.
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath between my legs. “Umm,” he said. “You smell a hell of a lot better than a girl.” And then he buried his face in me.
Aaron's uncle wouldn't be back until the next day, and we needed to stay until the evening feeding. So we explored the brush around the trailer and checked fence lines. We ate left over steak for lunch and cleaned up inside and outside. Then we tried skinny dipping in the cattle tank. But the water was cold and we ended up sitting side by side at the edge, with just our legs in the water.
My eyes drifted up and down his body. He had almost no body hair, but he was powerfully built in a tall, athletic way. He was sitting with his legs together, his big cock and balls nestled and glistening atop his thighs. His thick black hair hung wet from the back of his head and water dripped from his strong shoulders.
He smiled, pleased with the way I looked at him, and putting an arm around my shoulder he kissed me there at the side of the tank. The kiss became an embrace, and we stood to better hold each other; the water didn't feel so cold anymore.
He led me to the edge and climbed from the tank. Then he turned to embrace me and kiss from outside. When he pulled, lifting me from the tank, I wrapped my legs around his waist and put my arms over his shoulders. He carried me that way, wrapped around him, kissing him, over to the pickup truck that was now in the shade of the large mesquite.
Aaron was strong and managed to climb up into the back of the truck with me holding on. Then he knelt down and laid me down onto the bed of the pick up, adjusting us so that his cock came down to rest on mine when he lay down on me.
I liked it. I liked him lying on me, the weight of his strong body resting between my legs and up my belly and chest. I liked the feel of his hard back and firm butt under my hands. I liked the heat of his mouth open to mine.
We moved together, grinding on each other. He kissed my cheek, my neck, and down my throat, moving down my body.
“You go for my nipple again, and I'm going to buck you off,” I said.
His head popped up in surprise and a delighted smile spread across his face; his delight was in me.
Even now, the moment is clear in my memory; his face, the gleaming whiteness of his teeth as he smiled, his delight… framed by the feathery branches of a green mesquite blowing overhead, patches of bright blue sky winking through. He was happy. I made him happy.
I ran my fingers into the hair on either side of his head, and we simply looked at each other. Our smiles faded, and we simply looked at each other until he finally bent to kiss me.
“Damn, Sean,” he whispered. “Let's just stay out here all week.”
We couldn't of course. It was after dark when he dropped me off at home. He got out of the truck when I did, and on the side away from the house, he pulled me into a final, full-body embrace, bending me back against the truck.
Cradling my face in his hands, he kissed over my mouth, nose, eyes, and cheeks. “You can't leave now, Sean. Stay home this summer.”
He pressed his body to mine, and if we hadn't been in my driveway... But we were in my driveway, and I was going to be with Daniel this summer.
“It's late,” I said, sliding out from his arms. “Look, Aaron, I…”
He grabbed me in his arms and kissed me again, cutting off my words. “No,” he said. “Don't say anything. I shouldn't have said that.” He let me go, squeezing my shoulders in both hands. “I'll see you tomorrow.”
I watched him drive away and felt damned confused. I missed Daniel so much, I could cry. But I'd never felt with anyone the way Aaron had made me feel that weekend. He was strong, gentle, and confident. He had become a hell of a love maker. He liked me and that felt good. It felt damned good. Who would have thought that after everything that had happened it would be Aaron, in one weekend, who suddenly threatened to steal my heart away.
I tried calling Daniel. I needed to talk to him. Mary answered, like she usually did, and told me he was out with Jimmy and other friends.
It seemed like weeks since I had talked to the coaches at UT and I still had heard nothing. I was worried about the scholarship. I was worried about Daniel. And I couldn't get the previous night and day with Aaron out of my head. I wondered if he had that affect on girls. If so, it was no wonder he got all he wanted.
Aaron sought me out Monday morning, and I felt my skin grow hot, just from him standing close. Other people sought me out Monday, too. Talk of my swimsuit had made the rounds and girls, especially those from the party, were friendly.
I went home with Jorge after school. We weren't running together any more since the season was over and I couldn't bring myself to run on my own until I heard from UT. But Jorge and I still hung together, and I suspected he was horny after being with his family all weekend. He was.
Jorge was in to architecture and after we made love, we lay naked on the floor and I rubbed his back while he showed me some floor plans he had started over the weekend. I relaxed him, and when he laid his head down on his arms, I sat up and worked on his back with both hands. That's when I told him about Aaron.
Jorge simply nodded and I wasn't sure what that meant. So I lay my head down on the back of his shoulders and hugged him, and told him all the things on my mind and heart. I told him I couldn't love Aaron because I loved Daniel. And how I wouldn't leave Jorge because he'd been my friend when I needed one. And then I told him how worried I was about the scholarship.
He rolled over and I laid my head down on his stomach. And he combed my hair with his fingers while I told him how I wouldn't let myself even consider what I'd do without the scholarship.
And when I grew quiet, he asked about the swimsuit he heard that I'd worn at the party. So I told him, and we laughed. And I had to promise him that I'd wear the suit for him.
UT called that night. My parents watched anxiously while I took the call. When I began to weep and couldn't talk, Dad took the phone, sure that they had declined to offer a scholarship. I heard his surprise when he said, “Full ride? You're offering him a full scholarship? Well that's wonderful… yeah, I think he's happy. I think he's very happy. I'm sure he'll take you up on it.”
It's funny, but Jorge was the one I wanted to call first. And he joined in my happiness. I was afraid to call Daniel; afraid he wouldn't be as happy as I was. But I did call. And he cheered into the phone. And we talked about how great it'd be to finally room together. It was a good call, and we talked late into the night.
The next afternoon, I looked in on coach. But he'd already heard; the public relations department from UT had called the school, and they had made plans for me to sign the scholarship agreement the following week, in front of cameras.
Aaron caught me at lunch on Thursday and asked if Jorge and I had plans for the weekend. It would be so easy to get involved with Aaron, but now with the scholarship, everything was back on track for Daniel and me. I didn't want to lead him on; I needed to slow him down. “We haven't planned anything yet, but we probably will. And if you're thinking what I think you're thinking, you need to give Jorge and me a little time to talk it over.”
“It could be fun,” he said, leaning closer.
And I suddenly had an image of being sandwiched between him and Jorge; Aaron behind me, his strong arms around me, Jorge's lithe body cradled by mine. “Let me talk to Jorge,” I said.
But I didn't get a chance. That afternoon, Stef made it a point to walk with me between fifth and sixth periods. “I've been thinking,” he said. “Our senior year's almost up. We're both going to be gone all summer. How about if we get in one last fishing trip before you go… for old time's sake… just like we used to.”
“Just like we used to?” I asked with a raised eyebrow.
He stopped. So I stopped with him. Stef looked angry. Then he looked torn. Then he frowned and hung his head. “I really wanted us just to be friends again, like we used to. It was great talking with you the other night at Jennifer's party, just like old times. I thought it might be fun to go fishing again.”
I opened my mouth to say I was sorry for jumping to the wrong conclusion, but he continued before I could.
“And… he said quietly. Yeah, I wanted one last chance to be with you that way, too.”
With a hand behind his elbow, I pulled him to the side of the hall. “We've barely spoken this last year, Stef. I thought you were going straight now, and that you had other… friends.”
He looked at me sadly. “You've been my best friend since we were kids, Sean. Where was I going to find another friend like you?”
I leaned against the wall. “Gosh, Stef. I really thought you'd moved on.”
“No,” he said quietly. “You moved on… Daniel… remember?”
I nodded. “We're still together, Stef. We're going to be together this summer and at UT.”
“That's why I wanted one last fishing trip,” he said.
I chewed my lip, considering it.
“I'd been thinking about seeing if you would go fishing with me sometime,” he said, and then smiled. “It's your fault I'm asking now… when I saw you in that swimsuit the other night. I almost creamed in mine.”
I shook my head. “I'm going to have to get rid of that suit.”
“After one last fishing trip,” I added quickly, deciding.
“This weekend?” he asked.
“Saturday night?” I asked. I wanted at least Friday with Jorge. It been almost two weeks since I slept over, and he was first now; at least until I could be with Daniel.
“Cool,” Stef answered.
We sat side by side in the dark, on the dock, staring out across the floodlit water. His fishing line was almost straight out while mine was close in to our right. Both lines were drifting on the current, left, across our front.
We'd been fishing for about an hour without catching anything. “Definitely like old times,” I told him with a chuckle.
He grinned. “Hard to believe it's been a couple of years.”
I brushed his shoulder with mine. “I'm sorry Stef.”
He shrugged and bit his lip.
He was older now; almost eighteen instead of almost sixteen. And yet, sitting beside him in the glow of light from the water, it felt almost like it did back then, just him and me. I shifted my pole to my other hand, and scooting closer, I gave his back a friendly rub.
He leaned in to me and we sat quietly, me rubbing his back, the water lapping at the dock pilings.
“You guys still… in love?” he asked.
“Yeah,” I said.
“So now that you have your scholarship, you'll be together at UT, just like you wanted.”
“Yeah,” I said, rubbing higher, rubbing his neck. “You excited about Tech?”
He rolled his neck around under my hand, enjoying the rub. “Sorta. Have you ever seen Lubbock?”
“No,” I said, chuckling. “Not like Austin, huh?”
“No. And the school isn't anything like UT. But I like it.”
“Funny,” I said. “I think I like Trinity better than UT, too.”
“Does your mom still want you to go there?”
“Yeah, she's pissed that I'm going to UT.”
I set my fishing rod down between my legs and held it by pressing them together while I used both hands on Stef's neck.
He sighed and hung his head, relaxing.
“Sean?” he said quietly.
“Can we be friends? Just like we used to? We don't have to mess around at all.”
I put my arm around his shoulder and gave him a sideways hug. “I'd like that.”
“What?” he asked with a chuckle. “Not messing around?”
“No, you dickhead. Being friends again.”
He nodded. “So you would like messing around?” he asked, and laughed.
I gave him a bump with my hip and got up from the bench. Walking to the edge of the dock, I reeled in to recast.
Stef came up alongside, reeling in as well. “Sorry. I was just joking. Didn't mean to piss you off.”
I laughed. “I'm not pissed. I like the idea of being good friends again.”
“Gonna be hard now,” he said. “You're going to be gone all summer and then off to UT. I'm going to work for my Uncle Tomas in Corpus this summer and then off to Tech.”
We each cast out beyond the light. “We don't have to give up being friends,” I said. “Maybe you can come see us at UT. I'm not planning any trips to Lubbock, but who knows… for a friend I might.”
Over an hour later, we had still hadn't caught anything and decided to call it a night. We gathered up our gear and went back to the room where we put everything away. It was awkward then. I wondered about turning on the TV. I wondered if Stef still wanted to mess around. I wondered if it would be better not to, if we wanted to be good friends.
Stef started to undress, so I did too. There was one double bed in the room and we crawled in on opposite sides in just our underwear. And then we each lay there, looking up at the ceiling.
“Should I turn on the TV?” I asked.
He rolled up on his side toward me.
“Sean. I want more than anything else for us to be friends again… you know, best friends, like we used to be.”
I smiled at him. “Me too.”
“But Sean,” he said, averting his eyes. “Just one time. Just this one time, before you're back with Daniel…” he lifted his eyes hesitantly to mine. “Just once, could we make love… could you make love to me, like you would if it was me you were in love with?”
It's funny how our minds handle time. Briefly, it felt just like it did when Stef and I were twelve and lay side by side on a sleep over. I seemed to remember saying something then about always being friends. And suddenly my feelings for him were just as fresh as they had ever been. I wanted us to be best buds again. And I wanted to give him what he wanted.
So I scooted forward to him and put a hand on his shoulder. I leaned in and kissed him, and when he rolled to his back, I moved over him, and like Aaron had done to me the week before, I took him into my arms and kissed him. And that night, I made love to Stef as well as I knew how.
Monday, we were best buds again. The weekend had been a one-time thing and we both knew it. But the friendship; I had hope for that.
That afternoon, Aaron pulled me aside in the hall. “You didn't tell me you were going to be gone this weekend.”
“Sorry,” I said, thinking that if Aaron got possessive, I might really need to back him off.
“I went to Jorge's on Saturday night,” he said, leaning close. “I was going to join you guys.”
“Well you weren't there,” he said in an accusing whisper.
“Yeah, I sorta knew that,” I said, and when he frowned, I explained. “Stef wanted to get in a fishing trip together, like old times, before I took off for the summer.”
Aaron's brow furrowed deeper. “Like old times? Did you guys mess around?”
Biting my lip, I nodded. I had no idea what to say.
“Good,” he said out loud, standing back. “Then I don't feel so bad.” And with that, he turned on his heel and left.
That evening, Jorge had `other plans' so I didn't see him. And I was pretty sure I knew what Aaron didn't feel so bad about. It was the next afternoon, when Jorge ran with me, that he confessed to me that when Aaron came over, they had gotten it on.
“We didn't mean to Sean. We were just talking about you and then suddenly, we were kissing. I mean, it just happened.”
I'm not sure why, especially after what I did with Stef, but it hit me right in the gut. Jorge was the closest one I had to a lover with Daniel gone. And Aaron… I thought the magic was something special, just between us.
“You pissed?” Jorge asked.
I shrugged. I wondered just what magic Aaron's charms had worked on Jorge. Sure, I had planned on us parting when school was over, but not till then, and not like this. “Did you like it?” I asked.
“Yeah,” he said. “Aaron did too. Did you know that he's going to Pan Am too? We may try to get classes together.”
I tried sorting through my feelings. I felt jealous, but wasn't sure just who I should be jealous of. “Did you fall in love with him?”
He glanced sideways at me and ran several steps before answering. “I could, Sean. I like him a lot. And shit, he's got a great body and he's damned hot in bed…” he glanced at me again. “You know he's in love with you.”
“Yeah,” I said, “I sorta guessed.”
“Sean,” he said, stopping.
I stopped with him.
He put his hands on his hips, and frowned slightly. Even just wearing shorts, Jorge had an elegant look. His lean torso glistened with sweat as he regained his breath. “You aren't stupid. You have to know I love you, too.”
I started to speak, but he held up his hand. “No, I know how you feel. Just listen. You love me. Oh, not like you love Daniel, I know that. But we're special to each other. We're going to stay special. But you're going to be leaving and I'm going to find somebody… maybe even Aaron, but,” and here he chuckled. “I'm not going to do girls together with him… he said that,” and now he laughed out loud. “He said we could do girls together.”
“Hey,” I said, starting back into a trot. “Don't laugh… it could mean he loves you.”
Jorge caught up, and I began to feel guilty, partly because I felt so damned good. I mean, Jorge loved me, Aaron loved me, Daniel loved me, and even Ry loved me. And Stef and I were best buds again. But I also felt guilty because I could never love any of them like I loved Daniel.
“Jorge?” I asked. “He's probably got plans, but do you want to invite him to our graduation party?”
Since neither Jorge nor I had dates for graduation night, and since neither of us was invited anywhere, we had planned to do all our after graduation celebration in his bedroom over the garage.
“He doesn't have a girlfriend right now,” Jorge said, optimistically.
The last Saturday before school was out, Ry came by our house without his parents knowing. Mom was in the kitchen with my sister. So Ry and I went outside to talk, behind our storage shed where we couldn't be seen. As soon as we were out of sight, he hugged me tightly.
We stood there for a long time, just holding each other. And then he began to cry. “You're leaving,” he said. “You'll be gone all summer and then you'll be in college and we never got to go to the beach again, or anything.”
All I could do was hold him, and tell him, “Sometime, Ry. There will be a time for us, sometime.” But I really didn't know. It seemed to me that everything was coming to an end. Within a few days, I'd be with Daniel and then at UT, and all my friendships, all my old friends would be behind me. I was even leaving my family.
The same reality that had hit Ryan, hit me. I clutched him tightly to me. After all those Sundays together, after the few times we'd been able to make love, after sharing our love for fish, aquariums, and guitar… in some ways, I'd miss him more than the others.
He turned his tear-covered face up to mine and tightened his arms around me.
“Can we do it, Sean? Let's do it here. No one can see us,” he said.
I was undeniably hard. We both were. And he was right; no one could see us back behind the shed. All that was on the other side of our wooden fence was an open field.
“Ry, I don't know.”
He pulled my face back down to his and kissed me, almost desperately. “Please, Sean. I've missed you so much.”
Enfolding him in my arms, I held him to me and rested my chin on top of his head. “I've missed you, too, Ry.” I bent my head and kissed the side of his face, and then down the side of his neck, unbuttoning his shirt. Opening it, I kissed each of his nipples as I slid the shirt down off his shoulders and off his arms.
I knelt before him and he hugged the top of my head to his bare chest while I undid his belt and slid his pants and underwear down. When his cock sprung up, I sucked it, kneading his soft butt with my fingers.
He stepped out of his shoes and then out of his pants, tugging at the hair on my head as I bobbed on him. “Sean, it's been too long. You're going to make me come.”
I took him deep then, all the way until my nose was buried in his pubes and I held his butt cheeks tightly, holding him up as his knees weakened.
He almost fell over me when he came, whimpering, shaking.
I sucked him dry, and then let him slide from my mouth and my hands as he sunk to his knees in front of me. I took him into my arms and he rested against me.
“I thought about running away,” he said. “But I knew I couldn't stay with you. Not here.”
I hugged him more tightly and he slid his hands under my shirt. “I still want us to do it. Like we always do… with you lying on me.”
He pulled my shirt up over my head and I let him, and then it was his turn to kiss my torso while he undid my pants. I stood up to get them off, and then arranged our clothes on the ground so that the grass wouldn't scratch Ry's back.
He took my hand, and lying back, pulled me onto himself. I kissed him, moving my body on his till he was hard. Then I lifted his legs and burying my face in his crack, I got him ready with my tongue. He still smelled more like a boy than a teen.
Then I moved up on him and Ry lifted his knees high and wide, almost flat out to either side. I wrapped my arms under his shoulders and probed with my cock, finding his entrance, then slipped in.
He was as tight as ever, and as good a fit. I drew my knees up to either side to cup his bottom with my loins, and then kissed him and held the kiss as we moved.
I wanted it to last. I wanted to stay out behind the shed all afternoon. But Ry always lit a fire in me and before long, I was driving deeply into him, holding him tightly to me.
He arched under me, pressing up against my belly with his cock. I tried to make it last. I wanted him to come with me. But I came first, lifting him in my arms to penetrate as deeply as I could. And when I was finished, I laid back down on him, keeping him in my arms, staying in him, while he moved under me until he came.
And I marveled to myself that I could easily have filled my life with Ry, or with Aaron, or Jorge, or even with Stef, if I hadn't met Daniel. Holding Ry's body under mine, being joined with him, kissing him, it was easy to fill all my mind with him and to feel like we were one, like we were supposed to be one. Even if someday Daniel and I swore off sex with anyone else, I would always have to make room for Ry. I squeezed him tight; always.
The next night, I received the first call from Roger in a long time. He was concerned about `this Jimmy guy,' and wanted me to — and he wasn't sure how to phrase it, but basically
— to “win” Daniel's heart back from the creep. Well, Roger didn't call Jimmy a creep. I did.
Daniel called on Wednesday and told me about the big graduation plans that several of his Houston friends had. He asked, so I told him about Jorge and Aaron. “Sounds like you'll have a great time too,” he said.
“Nothing like it will be when we're back together,” I said. “That will be the real celebration.”
“Yeah,” he agreed, and asked if I'd heard any more from UT.
It was South Texas. We wore shorts under our graduation gowns. But when Aaron joined Jorge and me as we were forming up to go into the ceremony with the rest of the seniors, I pulled them close. “Guess what I'm wearing,” I said.
“Shorts,” Jorge answered. “I saw them.”
“Yeah,” I answered, “But you didn't see the swimsuit I have on underneath.”
He and Aaron exchanged glances. “You better still have it on tonight, Sullivan,” Aaron said with a grin.
The ceremony was in the afternoon, and afterwards, each of our families wanted to celebrate with us, so we rejoined each other later at Jorge's where his mom and the rest of the family put on a big feed for the three of us. It was late when we went up to his room.
Jorge and I were both avid readers and once we were in his room, we gave each other a book for graduation. He gave me one on marine mammals. And since he loved architecture, I gave him a book on Frank Lloyd Wright. I hadn't planned on getting Aaron anything, but earlier, when I went by the athletic store to get a new swim chamois for the bike tour, I saw my first display of black jockey straps and decided that'd be a perfect gift.
So we got him to put on the jock, and I stripped to my swimsuit, and then we both stripped Jorge and then laid him back on the bed.
It was Aaron who wound up in the middle of the sandwich, at least the first time. He had Jorge's legs up and was moving in long thrusts that flexed his butt perfectly. I just had to move in behind and join them. And once I was well in, Aaron got into it, and seemed to enjoy it.
We each took a turn in the middle, but when we were done and ready to sleep, it was Jorge who was in the middle between Aaron and me.
But when I woke in the morning, I found that Jorge had cuddled onto Aaron in the night, and was sleeping curled up under Aaron's arm.
It was just as well, I thought, that they'd be together at Pan Am. I dressed quietly and left with mixed emotions. At least I'd finally be back with Daniel soon; very soon. And in the fall, we'd be at UT and I'd be a runner. It almost felt like I was walking into a whole new life.