Michael Arram








  Justin sat in his plain room at the secure home, to which he had been returned early in old man Anderson’s van, feeling pretty pleased with himself.  He savoured the memory of the total shock on Fuckwit Nathan’s face, along with the stunned surprise on that of the stranger.  Those two precious little words, spoken in the right company at the right time, had liberated him from slavery in the garden.


  He replayed Anderson’s conversation with his case officer.  ‘Sorry, Tanya.  He can abuse the staff as much as he likes; they don’t care.  But this was a client, or good as, and what a client to choose!  Not that the little git would have minded even if he had known.’


  Known what?  Justin might have been quick, but he was not the world’s most intellectually curious of boys.  Yet the bloke he had told to fuck off seemed to have been something out of the ordinary.  Justin could only remember that he was American.  He wasn’t particularly good looking, so not an actor.  He’d been casually but expensively dressed, pretty much what you would expect in that part of Highgate.  Justin shrugged it off.


  Finding his old CD player and a disk he was not yet bored with, he tried to drift off on his bed.  But the image of the two anonymous men copulating obliviously in front of him wouldn’t stop pressing on his consciousness.  He gave in, stripped naked and began his second wank of the day, taking his time.  As he worked his penis, he felt compelled to put a finger between his buttocks and play with his own hole, pulling his knees right back to his chest and shoving a pillow under his bum to make it easier for him.  He flexed his anal muscles the way he had learned to do as a small boy to escape the worst of the regular abuse, and his fingers shot in.  He began getting off on the feeling of fullness, which together with his mental image of the two men screwing pushed him to gush a larger amount of sperm than usual all over his chest.  He wiped it up with his pants and found a clean pair.  Then he slept.


  He woke in the early evening with another solid erection and a dark spot on his boxers where his excited member had kidded itself it was about to be pumped once more.  He could not remember precisely what his dream had been, but he had a feeling it was about sex with men.  He cursed his former stepfather in his head yet again.  The bastard had fucked him up in more ways than one.


  Justin dressed and thudded downstairs.  The secure home was a rambling nineteenth-century house in Finchley, set in its own grounds.  It had been lavishly and expensively fitted by government grants and heavily endowed by charitable foundations.  There was a big steel plaque with a line of logos, saying that the home had been established through the efforts of Andrew W. Peacher Esq, chairman of the AP Trust.


  Normally Justin would have gone right past the plaque, but something about it jerked him to a halt.  Who was that in the framed photo of the opening ceremony he saw underneath it??  Blimey!  He recognised the little blond man pulling the curtain as the one he had told to fuck off in the Highgate garden.  Justin stared open-mouthed, then burst into delighted laughter.  Of all the people to insult, he had managed to do it to the bastard that had created this prison.  The justice of it all was just too rich.


  ‘Wass so funny?’  A fellow inmate called Glenn had appeared at the sound of Justin’s guffaws.


  ‘See that little bastard?  I met him today and told him to fuck off.’


  Glenn looked unconvinced.  ‘How could you ever meet a guy like him?  You know who he is, dunya?’


  ‘Not a clue.’


  ‘He’s one of the richest blokes in the world, or his dad is.  The Peachers got more money than God.’


  ‘Even better, then.’


  ‘You’re a fuckin’ nutter, mate.’  Glenn left him, unconvinced.


  The next morning there was another case conference.  Justin’s euphoria at the previous afternoon’s triumph had quite evaporated.  He sat listlessly as Tanya and the others discussed him.  He mumbled the odd noncommittal word whenever a question was addressed to him.


  Finally Tanya summed up.  ‘Justin, we’ve resisted this for a bit, but tomorrow you start the psychiatric assessment procedure.  Whatever you think you’re doing, your antisocial behaviour has gone up several notches, and yesterday was just the cherry on the cake.  We need advice as to what’s making you do all this, and what we can do about it.’


  ‘All what?’ Justin responded.


  Tanya ignored him and packed up her files.  ‘Tomorrow at ten in the consultation room, Dr Bayes will have a chat with you.’


  Justin moodily went to the rec room.  Two boys were playing pool, so he parked himself in front of the screen and watched MTV.


  Eventually Glenn joined him.  ‘I guess you really did do it … really told Andrew Peacher to fuck off.’


  ‘Believe me now, do you?’


  ‘I overheard two of the social workers talking.  They were dead impressed.’


  ‘Yeah, well, the payoff is that they’re gonna throw me to the shrink.  ‘Spect it’ll be Ritalin again.  Hate the stuff.  Makes you weird.’


  ‘Or weirder.’










  It was Ritalin, and they made sure he took it.  The zombification followed its usual course.  Life became even and Justin became more passive and compliant, if a little uncommunicative.


  The next week Anderson’s van came for him, and he found himself working with Nathan again, this time to manicure a private bowling green in Palmer’s Green.  Nathan stared, more than a little troubled at what had become of his companion.  Justin was docile under instruction, did what he was expected to and needed to be told even to take a break.


  ‘Let’s give it a rest.  Okay, Justin?’


  ‘Sure, fine.’


  They sat on a bench.  It was hot again and Nathan was only in cut-offs and ankle boots.  ‘Wanna strip off, Justin?’  Without a word, Justin took off his top and revealed his pale torso, slim rather than skinny, with large brown aureoles to his nipples.  He lay back and closed his eyes.


  ‘How're you doing?’


  ‘It’s warm.’


  ‘Er … yes, it is.  Wanna drink?’




  One thing Nathan noticed was that, sedated or not, Justin still could not bring himself to say thank you.  ‘Have they put you on something?’




  ‘How do you feel?’




Nathan gave in, slumped back and enjoyed the sun.  Justin copied him.  Nathan eventually noticed one other thing: Justin’s perpetual erection was still evident.  He had known very well that, any moment Justin could get away, he jerked off in addition to having a smoke.  Now he was not seeking either distraction.


  Nathan was not sure of his own sexuality, but he was aware that all was not as society would prefer it to be.  Watching his companion’s perpetual tumescence had intrigued him more than it should have, especially once when he noticed Justin’s pink cockhead accidentally pop above his waistband while he stretched.  Fortunately Justin had his eyes closed when he did it, or Nathan would have outed himself to the worst possible person.


  Nathan had got his own erection.  In the past, he had not found any sexual interest in Justin, whose aggressive attitude and the perpetual sneer disfiguring his face were a turn-off.  But now he looked the boy over again.  The sneer was gone and the face looked young and vulnerable, especially the way the cropped hair was growing out and dark curling bangs were forming.  It was a pity the blue eyes had gone lazy and vacant, rather than looking mischievous and laughing sometimes.  The body was lean and there was some muscle in the chest and abdomen.


  ‘You got a hardon,’ Justin observed in a matter of fact voice.


  Damn.  Trust the boy to look at him just then.  ‘Er, yeah.’


  ‘I get it up all the time.’


  ‘I’d noticed.’


  ‘You got a big cock?’  Justin’s face was perfectly unemotional.  He could have been discussing his zits or the football results.


  ‘Just the usual.’


  ‘Oh.  Six inches is standard.’


  ‘Then I’m right on the average.’


  ‘I’m five and a half … but I may still grow, especially the way I beat off.  Someone told me once that wanking is like training it.’


  ‘I’d never thought of that.  Well, it’s time we got back to work …’


  ‘What do you think about when you do it?’  The boy was relentless now he had got started on the subject.


  ‘Er … all sorts of things.’


  ‘Me too.  I even think about taking it up the arse.’




  ‘Do you think about taking it up the arse?’




  ‘Will you fuck me then?’


  Nathan’s jaw dropped, but the idea of sex with a zombie was not attractive.  ‘Are you sure you’re okay, Just?’  He automatically abbreviated the boy’s name, almost as if he were a friend.


  ‘My stepdad used to fuck me when I was ten, nearly every night.  S’okay, I know what to do.  I liked it … no, I did.’  Then Justin’s face crumbled and he was sobbing, huge, choking gasps.


  Nathan looked around.  Where was a psychiatrist when you needed one?  No one was in sight.  It was mid-week in term time and not a club day.  The green was walled and sheltered.  The boy sobbed on, sitting upright in a most abnormal way for someone in that sort of apparent distress.


  Nathan did the only thing he could think of.  Being above all a warm-hearted and generous soul, he took Justin in his arms and pulled him into his shoulder.  Arms clasped round Nathan’s waist, the boy’s warm body embraced him.  It might have been arousing but for Justin’s sour smell, a combination of unwashed clothes, infrequent showers and hormones.  Justin sobbed on, while Nathan’s bare shoulder got wet.


  After what seemed like half an hour but might have been a lot less, Justin raised his woeful tear-stained face to Nathan’s.  And Nathan again did the only thing he could: he kissed a wet cheek and dried it with his fingers.


  The faint smile that appeared on Justin’s lips quite transformed his face.  ‘Thanks … I’m sorry I called you a fuckwit.’


  Wow, thought Nathan, he said thank you.  ‘Er … when did you call me a fuckwit?’


  ‘I did in my head.  I gotta hardon still.  Nathan …’


  But Nathan, against all his better judgement, kissed him again, full on the lips now, the first time he had kissed another boy.  Justin opened his mouth and their tongues danced in the warm wetness beyond their lips.  It went on and on.


  Finally Nathan broke off.  It had gone too far by then to pull back from what had to happen.  He took Justin’s hand and led him silently to the open clubhouse.  Justin followed without resistance.


  Nathan closed and locked the door.  He stared at Justin and Justin stared back at him.  He quickly lost his shorts and boots.  Then he undressed a suddenly hesitant Justin, kneeling on the bare boards in front of the boy to slip his jeans and pants down over his hips to his ankles.  Once they were both naked – hearts racing and ears buzzing – he closed his lips round the tip of the erect penis jutting out at him.  He ran his tongue over the head, warm and salty to the taste.  This was finally it, the gay sex he had been daring himself to try for so long.  Now he had another boy who seemed to want it as much as he did.


  Ignoring the sour, stale-piss smell that hung around Justin’s crotch, Nathan slowly took more of the other boy’s length into his mouth.  Justin gasped and grabbed his hair.  Nathan’s hands went up to the small globes of Justin’s buttocks, gripping his bum and exploring it.  He pulled the buttocks apart and probed in to find the entry to the boy’s anus, the goal of his most erotic fantasy.


  He stroked around the hole, making Justin arch.  Then he pushed and it opened to him easily.  Its owner had not lied about its having been well used in the past.  Nathan probed deep into its hotness, feeling the tender inner wall while searching to find the spot he knew was there somewhere.  He found the bump and massaged it, making Justin groan and his cock pulse.


  Nathan could not take too much of Justin in his mouth without gagging, but he got enough to start a sucking action.  Soon Justin was pumping his face and gasping rhythmically.  Nathan looked up and saw the boy’s eyes closed with ecstasy.


  ‘Aw man, you give the best head,’ Justin groaned.


  Nathan pulled off his penis to drag him down on top of himself.  They squirmed together, kissing, their groins meshed, thrusting against each other.  The feeling of skin on skin electrified Nathan, and the sensation in dick was awesome.  A wildly staring Justin stopped him, leaned up on an elbow and hissed, ‘Sixty-nine!’  They turned, found each other’s cock and began working them avidly.


  Justin came first, pumping too much sperm for Nathan to take down.  The surprise of a mouthful of cum stopped his reflex to swallow, forcing him to dribble it back down on to Justin’s genitals.


  Nathan thrust harder into Justin’s hot welcoming mouth while Justin’s fingers found his hole and remorselessly penetrated it.  Nathan ignored the discomfort and soon he too was pulsing sperm, although Justin took most of his offering down without gagging and came back up to share the rest with him.


  They collapsed back on the dusty floor and lay together naked for quite a while.  Finally, Nathan stared with disgust at his stained fingers.  He sat up and complained, ‘Justin, why don’t you wash out your arsehole if you want people to use it?’


    Justin awed him by taking his fingers and licking them clean of his own waste.  The boy then snuggled into Nathan’s broad chest and held him round his ribcage.


  Nathan found himself kissing Justin’s dark head, despite the flakes of dandruff all too evident in it.  ‘What did we just do?’ he asked eventually.


  ‘Something nice,’ came the dreamy reply.


  ‘Are we gay?’


  ‘Dunno.  Maybe.  But I really liked it.  So what?’  Justin looked up into Nathan’s face.  ‘Thank you.  You did the nicest thing anyone’s ever done for me.’


  ‘Sucked you off?’


  ‘Listened to me.’


  ‘How long did you get abused, Just?’


  ‘Bout a year.  I never told anyone … dunno why.  I knew it was wrong and I knew what abuse was.  Maybe I didn’t want it to stop.  That stepdad wasn’t the worst my mam found.  Apart from fucking my ten-year-old butt, he was quite nice to us and we had money for a while.  So maybe I thought if I said anything she’d go off and get another loser.  In the end, he went off to Dubai on a contract and didn’t come back.’


  ‘It’s not too late to go to the police about it.’


  Justin gave a little laugh.  ‘Me and the police are great mates, we are.’


  ‘You got a case worker, haven’t you, and a doctor?  They’d take it seriously.  Christ, Just, you just had a breakdown all over me … it’s important.’


  ‘I like you to call me Just.’


  Nathan smiled, reached down and sought the other boy’s welcoming mouth.  Justin was quite a kisser and was erect again.  Nathan shifted to his knees, took Justin in his hand and started working on him.  ‘So, what do your friends usually call you?’


  ‘Animal,’ Justin replied with a grimace.








  They returned to the work on the green.  Although Justin was just as docile and biddable as before, a faint smile played around his lips the rest of the day.  The two boys kept glancing at each other as they got on with their edging and clipping, and it was Nathan this time who was perpetually aroused by the perfect curves of the other boy’s small bum.


  When Mr Anderson arrived with the van at five, he was impressed.  ‘Good job lads, really good.’  He smiled at Justin.  ‘Work like this every day, laddie, and we’ll be offering you a job.’


  Justin had gone blank again, and just mumbled.  But at least he didn’t tell Anderson what to do with his offer.  Nathan and he looked tongue-tied at one another as Justin was dropped off at the home.  Both wanted to say something, but couldn’t with Anderson in the van.


  ‘Er … bye, Just.’


  ‘Yeah, bye.’


  Justin stared after the disappearing van.  Although the Ritalin was dulling his mind, it didn’t cancel out his emotions or his sexuality.  He knew he had experienced something new and very desirable with the gardener’s boy, and realised he wanted it again.  But when would be the next time he was paired with Nathan?  If his mind had been working, he would have taken Nathan’s mobile number.  Even though he was in lock-down, there were ways to get out messages.  But the opportunity was gone.


  Lying in his room that night, all he could think of was Nathan’s handsome body, the muscles shifting under the velvet skin, the long thick cock in its dark smudge of pubic bush, and the smell of his sweat.  He wanted so badly to be possessed by Nathan again that he might have been taking Viagra rather than Ritalin, considering the reaction in his groin.


  It was not just physical desire he felt; he was all too familiar with that.  There was something else and it was new.  Nathan had held him, had kissed him, had cared about him and had helped him – a lot more than all the social workers and shrinks he had been sent to.  And why?  He thought long and hard about it, and then it clicked.  For all Justin’s sordid background, he was not only bright but observant about others and himself.  He wanted to be liked by Nathan, wanted to be attractive to him.  He wanted him so much he was willing to be another person for him.